havent been able to write for a while, dont feeling like writing when Im at work, not as before. but right now.. right now it feels just like too much.
I picture me in my life like this clown, keeping all the balls in the air without dropping any of them, not doing it in the best way, maybe not even the right one, but.. they are there..none of them touching the ground, not even once,., but then something happens somebody moves something, a lil bit of air blows and BAM! everything is fucked up.,.,
Ive always consider myself to be able to work under pressure, I might get cara de parto, but I perform as Im supposed to, things right now, have gone so weird, and getting worst and worst everyday.
my parents decided to move together again, and for some reason I still dont understand, the only option was for all of us (5) move to my mom's house, instead of her (1) moving to our. so all that moving has been a huge issue, I have to wake up earlier than before (4:00 am), and I have to get used to do a lot of things that before where done by someone else, place its dangerous so Im always scared of being there alone or when my handsome leaves too late, which leaves me sad cause I dont get to spend more time with him as we used to do before.
I was moved to a different account, which even though at the beginning I was so excited about, after a month I just realize its exactly the same shit as before, no no wait, not the same thing cause at least before I used to have fix schedule, which now is turning to be a huge fight; what takes me to the next problem which is as aparently I wont be able to keep my schedule I wont be able to keep on studying as Im doing right now, Ill have to take less classes which will extend my time at school which means more money.
all that besides the kid doing so bad at school, I was told this saturday he needs a personal teacher and also a spicologist cause of some emotional mess he has, and as Im so unable to help him , I cant even try studying with him and I just need to focus on show him love which it shouldnt be an issue, but ehm well, it is what it is.
my baby is sick, and I feel bad I cant be there with him to take care of him, it worries me he is doing so bad, and makes me feel even worst not knowing how to help him. feel like Im just adding burden to what he already has, stress its a BIACH!
but,., there's gotta be a bright side, huh?
the only thing I can think of is, that Ive felt like this before, feeling like everything is just colapsing, but, somehow, in some misterious way, everything gets into place again, so Im just looking forward those bright days we will have, kid will be feeling better, my handsome will be better and all the other things will be working as they are supposed to again..,.,
[ and then,., handsome we will head off to the beach or "somewhere" and return with the biggest smile ever,., :D (K) ]
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