lo que no fue en tu año... no te hace daño...

so that is something any normal mature person knows already, there are things that are supposed to be left behind, and it definitely makes sense. to be thinking about the past doesnt help to our present. well, yes. if we learn about those past experiences, take the learning and we dont mess with that past anymore.
But there are people like...ehm like... lets just say there are people who "tend" to be messing up with those things... why? who the hell knows..., really stupid to be checking pics, posts, notes, comments, etc. u gotta question yourself... was in ur time?.. ehm no..., raise my case, there`s nothing that can be said there.

look who's growing up...

Have you investigated every avenue? There's an opportunity you're missing today.

It's the best time for you to get started on a creative project of some kind -- maybe a new artistic direction, or maybe a whirlwind of home improvement. Your good energy is directed outward.

~ (nothing to say -.-)

and truth is, I was feeling so damn angry,.,one of those angry moments that just makes me wanna cry. I manage to keep my shit together and choose to go to lunch to do some thinking. smoked my anger and came back. as my horoscope says...I have to do some searching, check my options...so Im just evaluating the situation, definitely Im not in a position to come with one of my usual reactions, got many bills to pay and a kid to send to school, time to bite my tongue, shut up and look for a way to get myself in a better situation. [ damn,., cant believe that came out of me, look who's growing up...]

warning: I havent had a good night sleep for almost a week so this post might just not make any sense , you might want to skip it till the next one

Be open and don't judge. People who have differing opinions aren't less than you.

"See if you can inspire others with your righteous energy -- it may be somewhat tougher than usual, but those who do get it should light up like Christmas trees! A few of you working together can make a difference."

ok, I dont like today's horoscope, it sounds really inspiring, thinking I could be able to light up people like Christmas trees but, I dont think Ill be able to when Im feeling so down myself. my leg is still hurting, pretty much Im guessing is the whole stress of the parciales and having so many things to study with not enough time to do it, also having so many issues understanding; I really need help on this. ...hhhhhhmmmmmuuuuufffffff (((((suspiro))))) anyway....

I received a note back from the kid's teacher, at this point Im totally disappointed and have no idea what to do. she keeps sending notes complaining about the kid not working, how he doesnt follow instructions, that he keeps on messing his classmates books, etc, etc, etc...

so obviously I feel bad cause I wish my kid would be one of those kids the teachers love and they cant stop saying how awesome they are, [Im not saying my kid is not awesome, the only thing is that blind lazy bitch is not able to see on to such sky-rocking awesomeness] so, as Ive been living hell on earth trying to get the kid meet her standard I decided I was not gonna be giving away my life and his life just to have her happy, I decided my kid needed a different approach and that eventually we were going to meet the level he is supposed to be, we are all different and he might not work the same way or speed as the other kids. so after the switch I can tell, everything has improved, the times I consider leaving him on the corner with the free sign hanging from his neck have been reduce in a significant rate, we are able to do homeworks in a very very acceptable way ( I mean, this is my point of view, Im sending him to school to learn so what if he doesnt do that O as a perfect circle, I can tell its an O, isnt she supposed to teach him on how to do it? if we all were born knowing there would not be a point on having teachers [so you better give a second thought on all that complaining you bitch who Im paying her paycheck]

now, as she is in that small room with all those little devils dress up in uniforms, she is able to tell the difference between his work and the other kids work, but I just wonder, are all those other 34 kids doing such a perfect job that my kid's work is so offensive to her sensible eyes? I wonder cause I have no one else to compare, so for me its very acceptable, but again, he is my kid, even if he gets to kill someone I will first high-five him for a job well done, I will worry later regarding the whole moral issue.

so, I sent her a note, I tried to hold myself together and try to show me as a worried mother willing to help her to tame this lil creature sent from the darkest corners of hell, but aparently it sounded like I cant understand how come she cant see the brilliance in my kid and that she totally sucks cause the kid hates school. and she replied....ouh that bitch dare to reply...

...and at this point I have to be honest I wish there was someone else, right now is one of those moments when I understand the reason why family has two parental units, cause when one of them gets tired, the other one comes to the rescue, cause when one wants to describe that bitch all the awful ways she might die if she doesnt motivate that kid, the other one will come to have a mature conversation with her or will scare the living hell out of her, cause when one is way too drunk to get up from bed, the other one will be able to handle the hangover to at least go and check up on the kid, cause when one has the need to keep changing channels there will be someone else to complain about it....and now this post went way too long and I totally lost it..

....im so sleepy, Im still waiting my caffeine pill :s

....update....no caffeine pill....but coffee is doing its job :D

T O L...

sorry to fucked up such a date in such a dumbass and asshole way...mmm...definitely have no words...just wanna say...that ehhm..that so convenient reference to phone calls pretending be something ,.,Ill take it was totally not related to mines...anyway...ehmm...thanks for answering though...and...hope, I hope you still consider Im someone you count on ..cause Im totally not pretending...and...sorry for being such a pain in the ass and...ehmmm....just want you to know you are the most meanigfull and important person in my life [after the kid] and I really wished I would have done that phone call earlier asking you to come and gave you that hug Ive been planning for days now and...well...I hope you keep in mind all what I feel for you...I really hope you know that by now...

and then I wonder why....

so, as I grew old I saw a lot of things going on around me and I swear to myself I was never going to do those type of awful things....and guess what??? I’m exactly like her and I’m doing the same things as she did, is so sad to think that my kid feels better when I’m not around, at least that's how I used to feel with her,., I’m feeling really sad, I’m embarrassed on how I’m handling things and its really frustrating.,., hiding back the lame excuse of that's how I am makes me feel even worst,., poor kid

since cant remember how long I’ve been listening to the same thing, that I runaway of the things I don’t like or don’t go the way I'd like them to; instead of fighting for what I want I just give up and stay away, I’m conscious on how things are doing, I know they are not doing good, I’ve been doing some changes around, and I can tell I’m not feeling as bad as I thought I was gonna feel, weird and bad things that have happened after the change; a) I never have money, and that's something it never happened to me before, now I just have the money to pay the bills, I’m not even buying things for the kid as I used to do before or going out or even eating....where the hell is all my money going away??? Have no idea..b) Things with the kid haven't improved so it was useless the change

So been carrying a lot of frustra.......

..and I just realize what a selfish bitch I am...instead of thinking how he might be feeling, I keep talking about how I feel, my frustrations, my anger....damn...and then I wonder why things are doing how are doing....

sweet memories ::: Tiff Lacey

I dont like this, when I have so many things inside my head trying to come out, but I just keep them to myself cause I have the feeling I just dont have to say them, when I want to do something but I just dont cause I have the feeling will be the wrong move...why messing up things if they are doing ok? but why I cant feel ok holding all that inside? to many things coming at once, thought had a lifesaver but I was wrong, learning to do it on my own, im tired but Im learning, I know I will do it once and for all.
and once again, having the feeling fate is taking care of what I dont have the guts to do, leaving tough decisions to the fate that has been left with the responsability of the choices made, hope, this time, again, Im not taking the wrong one, trying to "think first", Im weighting all the options and posibilities I have at hand, which honestly seem to be none, I still have the hope, at the end, something good will turn out of all the mess.