and its Christmas!
when we are lil kids, Christmas here pretty much goes the same way. wearing new clothes, going to grandma's house, play with fireworks, eat tamales, play with more fireworks, go back home, play with more fireworks.
as time went by, tradition in my house was pretty much that for a long long time, till my parents split, so tradition changed, we would go to my grandma's house, my siblings would stay there while I went with my dad to visit my aunt. then we would go back home to be at midnight all together.
this is the first Christmas without my grandma...and I feel totally lost.
I have no idea what we are supposed to do today, should we go to my mom's house, should she go to our house, should I go with my dad to visit my aunt, should I stay at home with her. it is so weird.
I can forecast a tough Christmas tonight, I can tell my mom will not be doing that good, but maybe she will be ok, you never know what's coming with her, that lady is so unpredictable.
overall its a good Christmas, at least, its the first year I dont have to force myself to think on all the good things Ive received this year, happiness its coming by itself, thanks to my family who once again have shown they are always there to support my son and me, to my friends, who make each day at work more bearable and fill me with laughs with all their silly things, to my son, who fills me with kisses and hugs everyday and make me realize how lucky I am to have him even though he gets me tired so damn fast, to my sweety, how has been with me for such a long time as my best friend, just for your mere existence I want to be the best version of me, and I do hope that 1% as you said really makes it up.
Merry Christmas to all, I love you with all my heart!.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Meet the Robinsons
the kid usually gets stuck with a movie for quite a while, although none of them has been able to beat cars, that one is just his all time favorite one, Im guessing we spend over a year watching that movie around 3 times a day.
now he is stuck with this movie, "meet the Robinsons" and even though he has had some other favorite movies, I like to see him laughing his ass off with this scene (min 3:20 )
I like this particular movie, the message, how family must support each other all the time, its something I think its very important, in the past year Ive come to understand and learn pretty basic and simple rules of social relationships, understanding that we have people aorund us that we love and consider important and, how in order for us to keep those relationships must basically accept those people just the way they are, pure and simple, why? cause we are all special, and there´s nobody perfect.
that movie reflects in a very funny and a lil bit exagerated way, all those carachteristics we might find annoying on each other, but that at the same time, adds value to the day to day routine.
now he is stuck with this movie, "meet the Robinsons" and even though he has had some other favorite movies, I like to see him laughing his ass off with this scene (min 3:20 )
I like this particular movie, the message, how family must support each other all the time, its something I think its very important, in the past year Ive come to understand and learn pretty basic and simple rules of social relationships, understanding that we have people aorund us that we love and consider important and, how in order for us to keep those relationships must basically accept those people just the way they are, pure and simple, why? cause we are all special, and there´s nobody perfect.
that movie reflects in a very funny and a lil bit exagerated way, all those carachteristics we might find annoying on each other, but that at the same time, adds value to the day to day routine.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
and I should be doing my fisica report.......
started to get some of the results of the last parciales, gotta say, didnt end up as bad as I thought. one thing is for sure, gotta do a lot better the next one, I dont like those crappy scores,.,
kid has been doing a lil bit better at school, at least that´s what I like to think, my mom´s theory is that the teacher just gave up and that´s the reason why we stopped receiving notes from school. some other problems are arising though, but they are here at the house, gotta say its a lot worst, people at my family (gotta include myself) are not that good receiving feedback ( special note, we are all good taking feedback from other people, but things between us 5 it just sucks) so, gotta make some people here understand how things work here, the escalation process seems to have been messed up a lil bit so we gotta calibrate the whole thing again. I just hope we will be able to do it and nobody will feel hurt.
anyway,.,
ehm, started to read again, and again, my boss had to talk to me about that :s, I was able to improve the metrics I was failing but consistency is my problem, specially when Im necia and start reading...damn, I just cant stop! so I guess Ill have to start all over again and stop reading, I end up reading digital fortress like in 2 days...and I already have the next one ready, I wont take it to work so I wont be tempted to read it :$
on saturday I watched "my sister´s keeper", mmm more than saying a good movie, I would say its a good story, really good one gotta say, my main issue with the movie was having Cameron Diaz as the mom, not a role for her, a mom going through that it is just way too much...I just dont buy it coming from her...anyway, the reason I brought the movie up was cause I heard a song in the movie, and I just loved it, so, I got my artist of the week from there :D, Chantal Kreviazuk....
for the past weeks Ive also been watching season 1 of Dr House, I love that TV series, trying to make season 2 last as long as possible so I wont have to wait too long till season 3 is completly downloaded; I love that "grown up-from-peanuts" talking they have,., jajajja ;)
today I had my boss almost begging me to go do some OT this coming sunday, I know I will regret so much doing it, but, having 3 days off weekend it is not bad at all, specially cause Ill have it payed double and I desperately need the money, so hopefully that day will go fast :(
[and I used The Notebook video cause....well...just cause its funny, I wish I could see ur face :P jajajaja]
kid has been doing a lil bit better at school, at least that´s what I like to think, my mom´s theory is that the teacher just gave up and that´s the reason why we stopped receiving notes from school. some other problems are arising though, but they are here at the house, gotta say its a lot worst, people at my family (gotta include myself) are not that good receiving feedback ( special note, we are all good taking feedback from other people, but things between us 5 it just sucks) so, gotta make some people here understand how things work here, the escalation process seems to have been messed up a lil bit so we gotta calibrate the whole thing again. I just hope we will be able to do it and nobody will feel hurt.
anyway,.,
ehm, started to read again, and again, my boss had to talk to me about that :s, I was able to improve the metrics I was failing but consistency is my problem, specially when Im necia and start reading...damn, I just cant stop! so I guess Ill have to start all over again and stop reading, I end up reading digital fortress like in 2 days...and I already have the next one ready, I wont take it to work so I wont be tempted to read it :$
on saturday I watched "my sister´s keeper", mmm more than saying a good movie, I would say its a good story, really good one gotta say, my main issue with the movie was having Cameron Diaz as the mom, not a role for her, a mom going through that it is just way too much...I just dont buy it coming from her...anyway, the reason I brought the movie up was cause I heard a song in the movie, and I just loved it, so, I got my artist of the week from there :D, Chantal Kreviazuk....
for the past weeks Ive also been watching season 1 of Dr House, I love that TV series, trying to make season 2 last as long as possible so I wont have to wait too long till season 3 is completly downloaded; I love that "grown up-from-peanuts" talking they have,., jajajja ;)
today I had my boss almost begging me to go do some OT this coming sunday, I know I will regret so much doing it, but, having 3 days off weekend it is not bad at all, specially cause Ill have it payed double and I desperately need the money, so hopefully that day will go fast :(
[and I used The Notebook video cause....well...just cause its funny, I wish I could see ur face :P jajajaja]
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
forgot my cap...dammit!
" just put your sales cap on (mentally,.. unless you have one for real,. :O!)"
...and I need to learn how to sell,.,
so thing is this, Ive been threaten to get fired if I dont reach my goal on sales,., 4 years ago when I was doing my interview, the manager in charge was kind enough asking me...you seem to have selling skills, would you like to go to our sales dept? HELL NO! please send me to tech....
anyway, Ive been giving a lot of thought to this, trying to hear when these people is selling, and damn, I just cant :$, cant lie that way, I need to learn how to make up some nice bullshit and learn how to sell it.
things havent been doing that good lately I guess, Im tired, worried, in pain,.,. I just need to get more organized, feel Im getting one thing after the other, no time to breath. Been delaying some very important things, and I need to catch up with them ASAP.
big changes are coming ahead, life is kicking me hard to make me understand that.,.,
update....
and I ended up one more day sale-less.,.not even a damn disc!
kid is at the beach right now with my parents, house is so boring without him; thought on taking advantage on the situation but right now I just wished I would have told them to wait for me,.,
guess I should make better use of this time.
as ironic as it can be, right now I feel Im paying back things I wished to some other people so long long long ago...... PAYBACK TIME IS A BITCH!
...and I need to learn how to sell,.,
so thing is this, Ive been threaten to get fired if I dont reach my goal on sales,., 4 years ago when I was doing my interview, the manager in charge was kind enough asking me...you seem to have selling skills, would you like to go to our sales dept? HELL NO! please send me to tech....
anyway, Ive been giving a lot of thought to this, trying to hear when these people is selling, and damn, I just cant :$, cant lie that way, I need to learn how to make up some nice bullshit and learn how to sell it.
things havent been doing that good lately I guess, Im tired, worried, in pain,.,. I just need to get more organized, feel Im getting one thing after the other, no time to breath. Been delaying some very important things, and I need to catch up with them ASAP.
big changes are coming ahead, life is kicking me hard to make me understand that.,.,
update....
and I ended up one more day sale-less.,.not even a damn disc!
kid is at the beach right now with my parents, house is so boring without him; thought on taking advantage on the situation but right now I just wished I would have told them to wait for me,.,
guess I should make better use of this time.
as ironic as it can be, right now I feel Im paying back things I wished to some other people so long long long ago...... PAYBACK TIME IS A BITCH!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
It's tough getting older
"Sometimes to get yourself together, you have to allow yourself to go to pieces first. Sounds puzzling? Well, it can be. If the solution or the root of a problem has been eluding you, it's time to dismantle all the parts that make up the whole and examine each of them separately before you try to build some kind of coalition or solution. That way, you can identify where the issue is and really fix things, as opposed to applying merely a temporary solution"
damn horoscope!-pretty much this is what Ive been trying to do for the past few weeks, each and every inconvenience Ive had had with each and everyone around me; hasnt been easy, leaving selfishness aside and having to say, "yes, I fucked up. Im sorry" is not easy.
Ive allowed myself to go to pieces first, and yes, gotta say, that has been the only way to get myself together to find the road Im supposed to be. Its taking hard work, some things are doing better than others, some are easier than others, some others just look still in a total chaos, but I can tell, Im on my way. It would be a lot of help knowing what people have on their minds, but guess there are things we have to leave to time. only time will tell what the outcome will be. Guess right now, some wounds havent heal yet, at least not enough to allow to forget the pain and continue living.
today was a good day, been craving Chinese food for days, and got to have some today (really good one btw), and got the movies I was wishing for my movie night :D
just missing my chocolate-mint ice cream..but we will leave that for some other good day :D
and as my life is an ongoing soundtrack...
damn horoscope!-pretty much this is what Ive been trying to do for the past few weeks, each and every inconvenience Ive had had with each and everyone around me; hasnt been easy, leaving selfishness aside and having to say, "yes, I fucked up. Im sorry" is not easy.
Ive allowed myself to go to pieces first, and yes, gotta say, that has been the only way to get myself together to find the road Im supposed to be. Its taking hard work, some things are doing better than others, some are easier than others, some others just look still in a total chaos, but I can tell, Im on my way. It would be a lot of help knowing what people have on their minds, but guess there are things we have to leave to time. only time will tell what the outcome will be. Guess right now, some wounds havent heal yet, at least not enough to allow to forget the pain and continue living.
today was a good day, been craving Chinese food for days, and got to have some today (really good one btw), and got the movies I was wishing for my movie night :D
just missing my chocolate-mint ice cream..but we will leave that for some other good day :D
and as my life is an ongoing soundtrack...
Friday, September 4, 2009
talks with...my sister
sister: It is so weird and uncomfortable to fall in love with your best friend
me: oO...ehmm..mmmm...ehhmm...why? +.+
sister: well, cause.,.we are always together, I tell him everything, he tells me everything,.,and I see him and cant stop thinking..no, NO, NOOOOOOOO I cant be falling in love....I dont want to
me: -.- why not?
sister: cause he doesnt look like even caring about what I feel
me: u.u ouh
sister: what should I do?
me: O.O ehm...mmm (start typing twittering the shock of being ask for such an advise, that was really ironic)
sister: dont you dare to be telling him what I just asked you!
me: ajjajajajajajjaja noooooooooo (thinking: Im not telling him that one...but Im so twittering this :P)
me: oO...ehmm..mmmm...ehhmm...why? +.+
sister: well, cause.,.we are always together, I tell him everything, he tells me everything,.,and I see him and cant stop thinking..no, NO, NOOOOOOOO I cant be falling in love....I dont want to
me: -.- why not?
sister: cause he doesnt look like even caring about what I feel
me: u.u ouh
sister: what should I do?
me: O.O ehm...mmm (start typing twittering the shock of being ask for such an advise, that was really ironic)
sister: dont you dare to be telling him what I just asked you!
me: ajjajajajajajjaja noooooooooo (thinking: Im not telling him that one...but Im so twittering this :P)
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
venting
and that video in the previous post keep looking weird, have no idea why, I already checked the code and its just like all the other ones Ive previously used, and honestly I like the song, so I wont remove it and Im not in the mood to keep fighting with it, so, IDGAF!
so, came home, found the kid studying as he is in exam week, and checked on the daily planner, just to find another two pages note from the teacher...that totally got me down. Im tired of this, Im supposed to go meet with her ASAP, but honestly I dont want to see her face anymore. she keeps complaining about the kid´s behavior, and honestly I cant help to feel so disappointed, feeling as such a failure as a mom, and the worst thing is, that I have no idea how to fix all these. what got my attention is the fact that his karate instructor is so amazed with his as he is catching up so good with the kids that have been there in class for over a year; so its kinda curious that he is able to follow instructions so good in one place but in the other one apparently he is the worst kid that has been admitted in that school.
I was supposed to go get the forms to get him in a new school today, unfortunately,they close before I get out of work so I couldnt do it. Im still pending to figure out how to work it out.
Ill be asking for my compensatory days for the weeks to come, as apparently I dont have that much time anymore and definitely I dont want to loose them. just hope Ill make them worth it.
just as a side note...the keyboard is starting to get hot, actually is not the keyboard its the left side of the palmrest and the touchpad...I would say, HDD, motherboard and palmrest replacement
**-*-*-
another side note...I can proudly say I kept my shit together last night and successfully handle what in the past would have ended in a very nasty discussion with certain specimen in my family; at that point my dad and my sister where in the room so they got to hear everything...bad note...my dad tried to talk to him, but, is something that particular person doesnt know, for some reason in his mind, every body around him are slaves who have to do and please him on whatever he wants :s but Im improving, and that makes me happy...and I should be getting my router soon, so that would be one less fight a day :D
so, came home, found the kid studying as he is in exam week, and checked on the daily planner, just to find another two pages note from the teacher...that totally got me down. Im tired of this, Im supposed to go meet with her ASAP, but honestly I dont want to see her face anymore. she keeps complaining about the kid´s behavior, and honestly I cant help to feel so disappointed, feeling as such a failure as a mom, and the worst thing is, that I have no idea how to fix all these. what got my attention is the fact that his karate instructor is so amazed with his as he is catching up so good with the kids that have been there in class for over a year; so its kinda curious that he is able to follow instructions so good in one place but in the other one apparently he is the worst kid that has been admitted in that school.
I was supposed to go get the forms to get him in a new school today, unfortunately,they close before I get out of work so I couldnt do it. Im still pending to figure out how to work it out.
Ill be asking for my compensatory days for the weeks to come, as apparently I dont have that much time anymore and definitely I dont want to loose them. just hope Ill make them worth it.
just as a side note...the keyboard is starting to get hot, actually is not the keyboard its the left side of the palmrest and the touchpad...I would say, HDD, motherboard and palmrest replacement
**-*-*-
another side note...I can proudly say I kept my shit together last night and successfully handle what in the past would have ended in a very nasty discussion with certain specimen in my family; at that point my dad and my sister where in the room so they got to hear everything...bad note...my dad tried to talk to him, but, is something that particular person doesnt know, for some reason in his mind, every body around him are slaves who have to do and please him on whatever he wants :s but Im improving, and that makes me happy...and I should be getting my router soon, so that would be one less fight a day :D
Monday, August 24, 2009
just let me know plz
after this weekend Iv been left really tired, have a lot of things to study from fisica and mate, doing so many exercises makes me sleepy, just wanna get home and get some rest.
sunday was really good, family is in good mood right now, spend the afternoon with my mom, had some coffee and did some talking, Im definitely learning to know what to say and how to say it, its kinda exhausting but I know its gonna pay off, hope that at some point it will just cme out right instead of consciously taking care of it.
life is being kind right now, thought things were gonna get really ugly but at the end everything is looking good.
Im trying not to give so much thought on some important things right now, I know some talks should be made but, the feeling of being the one pushing doesnt make me comfortable, definitely some mind reading would come handy but as unfortunately havent developed that skill I will have to wait or...Ill have to wait, dunno,.,too many things going on right now maybe is just not the time.
looking forward the day at the beach, working on vacation has to pay off someday...
sunday was really good, family is in good mood right now, spend the afternoon with my mom, had some coffee and did some talking, Im definitely learning to know what to say and how to say it, its kinda exhausting but I know its gonna pay off, hope that at some point it will just cme out right instead of consciously taking care of it.
life is being kind right now, thought things were gonna get really ugly but at the end everything is looking good.
Im trying not to give so much thought on some important things right now, I know some talks should be made but, the feeling of being the one pushing doesnt make me comfortable, definitely some mind reading would come handy but as unfortunately havent developed that skill I will have to wait or...Ill have to wait, dunno,.,too many things going on right now maybe is just not the time.
looking forward the day at the beach, working on vacation has to pay off someday...
Monday, August 3, 2009
weekend
saturday was the kids bday...for some reason special bday have suck big time this year...so we woke up and started fighting really bad, we had to go to a wedding at night, so we didnt have that much time to do something with him; he was so damn upset that he didnt want to do anything. I felt really bad, anyway, at the end my family gave him his presents and we head to the wedding, late by the way, but somehow we manage to get there right on time to see the whole thing, then we moved to the dinner, the kid behaved really good, or maybe was the kid sharing our table who made my kid look like an angel. we came back around 12:30 my mom stayed home and the next day we decided to go to the beach.
we went to have lunch there and to get the kids playing for a while, we invited my cousin with her family as my kid loves her son so much, they had a good time, sad note, they gave him some small cars and a transformer which he lost in the sea, so in case you find them please send them back to me, I felt so damn embarrassed with my cousin, we looked for the damn toys but there was no way to get them back.
[p.s: I know you two most be having a blast down the sea thinking how smart you were on running away from my toy-killer son but let me tell you , you could have waited till my cousin and her cheap husband were not around you trans-fucking-formers]
we went to have lunch there and to get the kids playing for a while, we invited my cousin with her family as my kid loves her son so much, they had a good time, sad note, they gave him some small cars and a transformer which he lost in the sea, so in case you find them please send them back to me, I felt so damn embarrassed with my cousin, we looked for the damn toys but there was no way to get them back.
[p.s: I know you two most be having a blast down the sea thinking how smart you were on running away from my toy-killer son but let me tell you , you could have waited till my cousin and her cheap husband were not around you trans-fucking-formers]
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I wonder what's the truth behind all this...most of the comments I see on facebook from my female friends are either upset or sad comments related to men...most of the male friends of mine, they all seem so relax, never getting any kind of complicated feeling for a woman.
so I was wondering, is it really that way?..they are just totally and completly insensitive, are all I-dont-give-a-flying-fuck type of person?? how come they manage to leave a side all the messy feelings and look so fresh, relax and happy? why we always have to be leaving for and around them? seems like some sort of gravitational force...always pulling into that direction...why if they are the ones that are supposed to be thinking about sex all the time we are the ones getting the whole stress when there's lack of it? at least that's the urban mith...so at the end...for real for real they just dont give a fuck, or they are really good at hiding things ....and why do we never get tired of giving a damn about an absent harted man? [ouh cielos ..I love to use music quotes!!] and why I keep posting about this?? sorry couz...you will have to learn the hard way ;)
so I was wondering, is it really that way?..they are just totally and completly insensitive, are all I-dont-give-a-flying-fuck type of person?? how come they manage to leave a side all the messy feelings and look so fresh, relax and happy? why we always have to be leaving for and around them? seems like some sort of gravitational force...always pulling into that direction...why if they are the ones that are supposed to be thinking about sex all the time we are the ones getting the whole stress when there's lack of it? at least that's the urban mith...so at the end...for real for real they just dont give a fuck, or they are really good at hiding things ....and why do we never get tired of giving a damn about an absent harted man? [ouh cielos ..I love to use music quotes!!] and why I keep posting about this?? sorry couz...you will have to learn the hard way ;)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Thinking out loud
so....Im just gonna say...Im exhausted....been trying to write this post all morning but, just cant...
...thanks for listening and caring enough like to take the time to look up for a solution, you have no idea how much that helps, at this time when Im feeling so frustrated finding someone who is not turning his back at me has helped me more than what you can tell...
...we'll see how it goes today...
...thanks for listening and caring enough like to take the time to look up for a solution, you have no idea how much that helps, at this time when Im feeling so frustrated finding someone who is not turning his back at me has helped me more than what you can tell...
...we'll see how it goes today...
Sunday, July 12, 2009
giving life for granted
Ive always heard some people say,., like..old people saying..."ouh youth..they think they´ll never die..they think they are invincible..", Ive always think that´s not true...been dealing with dead in some way or another in the recent past, Ive come up to realize maybe that is true.
thinking we still have time, so many things are left aside thinking...Ill do it later...
Its hard when you loose someone from one day to the other, we give people and life for granted, thinking, my kid knows I love him, my family know I love them, my friends know what they mean for me....thing is...that later...we regret...that hug that was not given cause we didnt have a second to spend on that cause we were late to work, that conversation we never had cause we had so many other things to do that we thought...Ill do it later...
I just hope I wont forget this feeling I have right now...and that nobody else will have to died to remind me about this....
Rodri...I love you with all my heart, you have no idea what getting you in my life has meant, I know sometimes its too much weight being put on your shoulders, helping mamma to grow up is not easy thing, but I love you for that, for forgiving all my mistakes, for always welcoming me with a huge hug and tons of kisses and never complaining cause Im coming home late....you are the best son I could ever have...
my brother and sister...even though you two can for real be the worst pain in the ass ever....and specially you dude can really but like REALLY piss me off....well, I know I count with you two, and that you sis are able to go get a fist fight cause of my kid, or that you dude will be willing to take care of my kid while Im at college...eehhmmm...well....love u both...and..well...ya grow up for Christ sake and leave the pc alone just for me :P jajajajajaja
my parents...ok...so this one is kinda hard...our relationship has been changing so much, totally not what I knew for the first 20 years of my life...thanks for all the psicological mess and dependency you generated in me...and also for such a low selfesteem that lead to get involved with such a retard in my past life, realizing about this has definitely helped me out in this part of my life, it has giving me something else to work on, as if life is not enough complicated...but...I cant deny, you two support me, in your own way, its funny how in some way Ive turned out to act as the mom instead of the daughter, more often than what Id should but, well, sorry I dissapointed you in so many ways, definitely communication has never been the strongest characteristic between us, good thing is, that thanks to all that, Im trying to raise a more independent kid with a selfesteem high enough to say, "soy apuesto" with no hesitation at all :P, cant say anything about the psicological mess cause...well, its part of our job as a parent to mess up with our kids mind, if not then we would be aunts or uncles. but, besides all that, you´ve teach me responsability (I just added my touch with the procastination thing but..hey...I always do what I have to do...and I do it good), be on time, respect for others, compasion, and so many other things...but, main thing...I love you both...no matter how messed up you two are :P jajajaja
...I can tell I have lived two different lives, (if I were a cat Id say I only have 5 remaining...but eeeewwwwww Ill never be a cat...Im definitely a bird) the first one, me, totally lost and not giving a flying f*ck about anything, I was basically just...living...the second life...started 5 years ago...having to raise myself to come up more independent, teaching myself and helping me to find the north I havent found yet, looking out for this life that was giving to me, and fighting to be best someway or another; one day at a time, learning from the people I have around, I know, I have so many things to learn yet, so many things to change,.,Im still not even half of what I want to be, but I can tell...if I died today that hopefully Im going to the beach...Ill died with peace in my mind, cause Im doing what I wanted, cause Im working on getting the best for my kid, cause Im doing those lil steps that will take me to my goal...Im not settling for anything...ever again....
thinking we still have time, so many things are left aside thinking...Ill do it later...
Its hard when you loose someone from one day to the other, we give people and life for granted, thinking, my kid knows I love him, my family know I love them, my friends know what they mean for me....thing is...that later...we regret...that hug that was not given cause we didnt have a second to spend on that cause we were late to work, that conversation we never had cause we had so many other things to do that we thought...Ill do it later...
I just hope I wont forget this feeling I have right now...and that nobody else will have to died to remind me about this....
Rodri...I love you with all my heart, you have no idea what getting you in my life has meant, I know sometimes its too much weight being put on your shoulders, helping mamma to grow up is not easy thing, but I love you for that, for forgiving all my mistakes, for always welcoming me with a huge hug and tons of kisses and never complaining cause Im coming home late....you are the best son I could ever have...
my brother and sister...even though you two can for real be the worst pain in the ass ever....and specially you dude can really but like REALLY piss me off....well, I know I count with you two, and that you sis are able to go get a fist fight cause of my kid, or that you dude will be willing to take care of my kid while Im at college...eehhmmm...well....love u both...and..well...ya grow up for Christ sake and leave the pc alone just for me :P jajajajajaja
my parents...ok...so this one is kinda hard...our relationship has been changing so much, totally not what I knew for the first 20 years of my life...thanks for all the psicological mess and dependency you generated in me...and also for such a low selfesteem that lead to get involved with such a retard in my past life, realizing about this has definitely helped me out in this part of my life, it has giving me something else to work on, as if life is not enough complicated...but...I cant deny, you two support me, in your own way, its funny how in some way Ive turned out to act as the mom instead of the daughter, more often than what Id should but, well, sorry I dissapointed you in so many ways, definitely communication has never been the strongest characteristic between us, good thing is, that thanks to all that, Im trying to raise a more independent kid with a selfesteem high enough to say, "soy apuesto" with no hesitation at all :P, cant say anything about the psicological mess cause...well, its part of our job as a parent to mess up with our kids mind, if not then we would be aunts or uncles. but, besides all that, you´ve teach me responsability (I just added my touch with the procastination thing but..hey...I always do what I have to do...and I do it good), be on time, respect for others, compasion, and so many other things...but, main thing...I love you both...no matter how messed up you two are :P jajajaja
...I can tell I have lived two different lives, (if I were a cat Id say I only have 5 remaining...but eeeewwwwww Ill never be a cat...Im definitely a bird) the first one, me, totally lost and not giving a flying f*ck about anything, I was basically just...living...the second life...started 5 years ago...having to raise myself to come up more independent, teaching myself and helping me to find the north I havent found yet, looking out for this life that was giving to me, and fighting to be best someway or another; one day at a time, learning from the people I have around, I know, I have so many things to learn yet, so many things to change,.,Im still not even half of what I want to be, but I can tell...if I died today that hopefully Im going to the beach...Ill died with peace in my mind, cause Im doing what I wanted, cause Im working on getting the best for my kid, cause Im doing those lil steps that will take me to my goal...Im not settling for anything...ever again....
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
thinking out loud
why brothers have to be such an ass-hole 95% of the time!!!!!!!!!! I so hate this stupid selfish a-hole sometimes.....
Friday, July 3, 2009
talks with the kid...part I
so as I was so damn sleepy yesterday, I fell asleep during my team meeting, when I got home as the kid was out with my mom, I went straight to bed...so at 9 that the kid came back home I was totally asleep...he got so worried, telling me he was going to take care of me, that I didnt have to move from the bed, he was gonna be doing everything for me, then he comes and say...
kid: mom, I dont want you to go to school or to go to work, I want you to be by my side all the time..
mom: baby I would love to do that but I have to go to work, there are bills to pay
kid: mom, but I will give you the money so you dont have to work
mom: and where will you get the money from?
kid: well, you see...Ill go to my grandparent's house...so Ill tell them Ill go to buy some cookies and candies and then Ill go back but I wont give them the change, ill keep it and give it to you
mom: but baby that's call stealing, and we do not do that, you have to give them the money back everytime they give you some to go to the store you have to give them the change ok?...that was nice but that money wont be enough though
kid: but mom...you'll see...I will go everyday ...
mom: :S
so that was my sweet lil kid trying to make me stop going to work, poor baby, he broke my heart once I asked him if he knew the thing I like the most in the world, and he answer...work...I got damn, he has it so wrong, but I understand how he feels, we dont spend time together, at least not enough, either Im working, or at the U or doing homeworks at home...
kid: mom, I dont want you to go to school or to go to work, I want you to be by my side all the time..
mom: baby I would love to do that but I have to go to work, there are bills to pay
kid: mom, but I will give you the money so you dont have to work
mom: and where will you get the money from?
kid: well, you see...Ill go to my grandparent's house...so Ill tell them Ill go to buy some cookies and candies and then Ill go back but I wont give them the change, ill keep it and give it to you
mom: but baby that's call stealing, and we do not do that, you have to give them the money back everytime they give you some to go to the store you have to give them the change ok?...that was nice but that money wont be enough though
kid: but mom...you'll see...I will go everyday ...
mom: :S
so that was my sweet lil kid trying to make me stop going to work, poor baby, he broke my heart once I asked him if he knew the thing I like the most in the world, and he answer...work...I got damn, he has it so wrong, but I understand how he feels, we dont spend time together, at least not enough, either Im working, or at the U or doing homeworks at home...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
and we love them.....
...I usually watch tv with my kid, and I do like most of the shows he watch...but this one along with my sister...we love it!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Canada...phase I
and my cousin and her girls are on their way to Canada...like...right now...wish them a nice flight and I hope everything goes up there as we all expect...really good. we are gonna miss you all, I've watched those girls grow up, so beautiful and funny, Caro, Ill miss you so much, you were one of the ones who always made my visits to my aunt´s house so fun and entertained, thanks for all the advises and for always made me feel comfortable, you always treated me as what I am, I´ll miss our talks and now I don't have no body who will support me drinking and smoking there jajajajaj, damn Ill miss you but I know, everything you are doing, you are doing it cause you want the best for your girls, and I'm proud of you cause of that, you have taught me so much, and I know you will do just great there, you know you always count on me, don't forget the plan ;D, hope Ill see you soon...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
sweet memories ::: Tiff Lacey
I dont like this, when I have so many things inside my head trying to come out, but I just keep them to myself cause I have the feeling I just dont have to say them, when I want to do something but I just dont cause I have the feeling will be the wrong move...why messing up things if they are doing ok? but why I cant feel ok holding all that inside? to many things coming at once, thought had a lifesaver but I was wrong, learning to do it on my own, im tired but Im learning, I know I will do it once and for all.
and once again, having the feeling fate is taking care of what I dont have the guts to do, leaving tough decisions to the fate that has been left with the responsability of the choices made, hope, this time, again, Im not taking the wrong one, trying to "think first", Im weighting all the options and posibilities I have at hand, which honestly seem to be none, I still have the hope, at the end, something good will turn out of all the mess.
and once again, having the feeling fate is taking care of what I dont have the guts to do, leaving tough decisions to the fate that has been left with the responsability of the choices made, hope, this time, again, Im not taking the wrong one, trying to "think first", Im weighting all the options and posibilities I have at hand, which honestly seem to be none, I still have the hope, at the end, something good will turn out of all the mess.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
finally Im done
finally...parciales are over!!!!! now we can relax and sleep for a few days before starting all over again. this past couple of weeks have been really exhausting for me, guess all the emotional package was overwhelming. anyway, finally, they are over, once I did hit that submit button to send the last homework of the week, I felt so relax.
went to see my mom and had some wine, tried to sleep but for some reason that house never lets me sleep. got the kid sleeping already so Ill take advantage of this, watching some tv and then falling sleep...too bad I have to go to work. lets hope the availability keeps its trend :D
Friday, May 15, 2009
so tired…
and once again, I'm trapped on my own reactions, once someone told me, think twice before you act…I know, I fucked up once cause of this. unfortunately that´s one, if not my biggest “area of opportunity”; I never think; I'm the most reactive person on earth. I should follow my own advise, the same one I always give to this person, over and over again “play smart, not hard”; why am I unable to follow my own advises? who knows…I'm feeling so stupid and pissed off right now…
there are few people who can actually get me to this level, but, I've come up to a decision, and even though its not gonna be easy to achieve, changes will be made to reach the goal…this time, its for real for real.
it pisses me off to be surrounded by people who are not able to hold accountable on their words, and yes, shame on me, it pisses me off even more the fact that things do not go the way I want them to; but, I guess, what makes me feel worst, its to feel so alone, having around so many people “who cares about me” not giving a shit on what´s going on, and to find support on the people who I'm supposed to be keeping away from me cause are “the worst of the worst”…and you know what? ironically at the end, they are the ones who are always asking, how am I doing? how am I feeling? please call me if you need something; cant remember when was the last time that any of you “people who care about me” asked me how I am or if I was in need of something IF you have EVER done something like that.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
the day I met "el tunco"
souh, my vacations are over, Im back to work, good thing, people say there's availability so Im still waiting for it. a recap on the vacations...first week, doing homeworks for the logica lab and TIC, and gripe, second week , gripe and my grandma's funeral then taking care of my mom...so, I decided to make the last day a good one, so I asked for help and I met El tunco, ["que no parece tunco"] yes, yes, trust me, I didnt know that place till monday, [shame on me!]. 
so after the attack of the squirrels, we hit the road and moved to the beach, was a good day, that's how I like the beach, just sitting there, watching the waves, with the breeze....only thing missing was the hammock...I got shocked of the place, its really cool, people every where, and I bet was a slow day, lots of people surfing or just there having fun, I really liked it. I wanted to go to some kinda mmm...oO..dunno..."house" that we could see there, unfortunatly we couldnt go, unless we swim and....we were not ready for that so we came back home, I was so tired, went straight to bed, I had like maybe 1 hour being sleep and someone started knocking on my door, when I got out of bed, my feet got all wet, there was water all over my house, at the end my brother got the thing fix and at least no more water was coming to the house, but I had to take all the water in my room out, and the only thing I wanted was to sleep, I can feel im getting sick again, guess cause of having my feet cold.
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