so tired…

and once again, I'm trapped on my own reactions, once someone told me, think twice before you act…I know, I fucked up once cause of this. unfortunately that´s one, if not my biggest “area of opportunity”; I never think; I'm the most reactive person on earth. I should follow my own advise, the same one I always give to this person, over and over again “play smart, not hard”; why am I unable to follow my own advises? who knows…I'm feeling so stupid and pissed off right now…

there are few people who can actually get me to this level, but, I've come up to a decision, and even though its not gonna be easy to achieve, changes will be made to reach the goal…this time, its for real for real.

it pisses me off to be surrounded by people who are not able to hold accountable on their words, and yes, shame on me, it pisses me off even more the fact that things do not go the way I want them to; but, I guess, what makes me feel worst, its to feel so alone, having around so many people “who cares about me” not giving a shit on what´s going on, and to find support on the people who I'm supposed to be keeping away from me cause are “the worst of the worst”…and you know what? ironically at the end, they are the ones who are always asking, how am I doing? how am I feeling? please call me if you need something; cant remember when was the last time that any of you “people who care about me” asked me how I am or if I was in need of something IF you have EVER done something like that.