...but I get scared that my love will not do

So baby, baby would you read a poem I picked for you?
Would you think of me and not some other girls boobs?
Now what am I to do, when I feel so much love for you?
I wish that I could be stronger but I get scared that my love will not do.
Yeah, I get scared that my love will not do.

I like her songs, and she posted this one recently on facebook, funny lyrics and I love the music, usually the lyrics on songs are mostly like...telling some kinda story or something, but hers, mainly are just like...cant explain, its not senseless but its just like she´s sitting there at her living room and she starts writing what´s happening around her, she adds some music and BAM! there goes the song, very simple lyrics, very real things, and some message undercover, I definitely like her songs.

Canada...phase I

and my cousin and her girls are on their way to Canada...like...right now...wish them a nice flight and I hope everything goes up there as we all expect...really good. we are gonna miss you all, I've watched those girls grow up, so beautiful and funny, Caro, Ill miss you so much, you were one of the ones who always made my visits to my aunt´s house so fun and entertained, thanks for all the advises and for always made me feel comfortable, you always treated me as what I am, I´ll miss our talks and now I don't have no body who will support me drinking and smoking there jajajajaj, damn Ill miss you but I know, everything you are doing, you are doing it cause you want the best for your girls, and I'm proud of you cause of that, you have taught me so much, and I know you will do just great there, you know you always count on me, don't forget the plan ;D, hope Ill see you soon...

the perfect day

and I had the perfect friday....chocolate-mint gum, frap cappuccino with cocoa :P (cause cinnamon eeewww jaajajaja) , couple of beers...movies...food....good companie...definitely, even if I had planned it couldn´t have end up better than that...nothing could do it better...well, yeah maybe there´s something...an endless friday jajajjaja

anyway, had some souveniers to remember the day, (thanks! jajajaja) well I like them, makes the day more... real +.+

the kid is at his grandma´s house, he´ll be back till the afternoon I guess, so Ill try to do some productive stuff like watching movies and to watch the 4 seasons I have of weeds, getting ready for season 5, and also I´ll try to do some TIC and sociedad hw I have pending :P

but looks like I actually did...[part II]

and waiting for a call end up being more boring than finishing the post so here it is....my second part of my novela archive.....

Sentimientos Ajenos (1996).,.,.nice story, I just remember this one cause of Carlos Ponce ;D

La Usurpadora (1998)...that was a good one, I liked the bad sister better jajajaj

Cafe con aroma de mujer (1998 ?), I loved this one, Ive been looking to download it, the story got so long I got bored, they played it in tv like 3 times and the 3 times I missed the same episodes, it got a point the story got to mess up I got bored, but in general was really really good, I like twe soundtrack, I memorized them...all of them....I still have it :P

yo soy, Betty la fea (1998 ?), that was a good one two...but the original one, the colombian version, all the other ones suck

La Mentira (1998), I guess this was the only one I saw from start to finish and didnt miss any episode, tequila and Guy Ecker....couldnt miss that :D jajajaja

perla (1998) this one I liked it, guess was the first tv azteca novela I saw, it was good.

Verano del 98 (1998) this was I guess the first novela I saw from Telefe, but I saw just saw like 2 seasons but it was really good, the soundtrack was a big thing too :D

Muneca Brava (1998) this was a really, really good one, Natalia Oreiro was hilarious in this character, really good one.

Catalina y Sebastina (1999) the second tv azteca novela I saw, I love how this two dudes work together (Silvia Navarro and Sergio Basañez)

Cabezita (1999) I liked this one, but didnt actually watch it all.

Como en el cine (2001) I liked this one cause pretty much was the tv version of a movie I love (coyote ugly)

and the last one I remember watching is La lola (2008) ..that was really funny, I wanna watch that one again.....

and aparently I had a lot of iddle time during 1998....been thinking what was going on at that time...getting out of school and starting to work and getting ready for university, last year at school I decided to give myself a break so I pretty much didnt care about classes, and I spent a lot of time with my friends, so pretty much I needed to be updated on the main topics of the regular conversations we had....novelas and boys and some other crazy stuff we did but that will be for some other post...

and I thought I didnt watch novelas ......[part I]

and I had a sudden flashback to all the "novelas" Ive seen....

carrusel ( 1989) ...that was a sweet story, I hated the remake "carrusel de las americas" with the chinnesse kid :P ajajjaja (actually i just found out there was a chinnesse kid in the first one too :S)





amor en silencio (1987), I dont remember that much about this one, I do remember the story was sweet, the girl I guess couldn't speak but was in love with the other dude, who was in love with her too but as she couldnt say shit, the love story was kinda complicated...this is the older one I remember watching....






alcanzar una estrella (1990) ,.,that was a good one, I didnt like the second part though












la picara sonadora (1991) , that was a funny one








Baila conmigo (1992)...I dont remember exactly what the story was about, but I liked it cause it was timed in like the 60's,.,nice clothes and music :D












Maria Mercedes (1992) , the only one from the Thalia's series I liked, all the other one sucked









and Im bored now and Im still missing a lot...Ill continue later

last night'z earthquake

and there was an earthquake last night...or early today...2:20 am....

Fecha: 28 de Mayo de 2009
Hora Local: 02:24
Latitud (N): 17.011
Longitud (O): -86.237
Localizacion: Mar Caribe, Norte de Isla Roatan Honduras
Profundidad (km): 15.1
Magnitud: 7.2
Intensidad: IV en San Salvador


I usually get really freaked out with this type of things, guess its consequence of the 86' earthquake...anyway, last night I was so dope in sleeping pills I didnt care about the earth moving, my kid woke up but pretty much he just sit and fell asleep again.

(note: was a nice thing from your mom calling me to check up on me, sometimes makes me feel weird having them caring about me so much after all this time, its highly apreciated though)

so, training is over and Im back on the phone, had some news yesterday, aparently they are taking me back to LVR "temporarily" sou, at least that will give me 2 extra weeks on this email thing, I feel Im scratching my staying here :s

good thing I guess, Ill get to breath a lil from all this, wont have brake from the bustomers but, anyway, at least Ill get something, to bad my friend Xayomi is not downstaris anymore but Ill manage, guess this is the change Ive been looking forward to have, fate, once again, comes and save me, will see if what I had in mind it actually works, one way or another.....something's gotta happen that's for sure

in pain :(...[looking for my xps colchita]

MENINGOCELE (noun)
The noun MENINGOCELE has 1 sense:

1. a congenital anomaly of the central nervous system in which a sac protruding from the brain or the spinal meninges contains cerebrospinal fluid (but no nerve tissue)

2.A defect which also includes a small, moist sac (cyst) protruding through the spinal defect, containing a portion of the spinal cord membrane (meninges), spinal fluid, and a portion of spinal cord and nerves is called a meningocele, myelomeningocele, or meningomyelocele.


souh...I was born with that type of damage in my back, besides the physical damage that was left, specially in the right leg, one of the leftovers of that is a horrible pain that goes from my right foot all the way up through my leg, sometimes the pain can go to such high levels of pain...that my whole leg shakes, I'm tense, cant be sitting down, cant be standing up, and I cant stand people around (there are a few people I can stand around, specially the ones that are knowledgeable of my pain), cant talk, cant hear....just want to disappear...being here at the house gets me even worst, I've been with this pain since I can remember, so pretty much at this point as basically there´s nothing no one can do to help me, they just don't give a fuck, and seem to have forgotten how much painful this is for me....feel bad with my kid cause he wants me to play with him but I cant, I just cant have him around asking the same questions 10 times each, I'm sorry gordito, times like this, I really suck as a mom :(,.,.,

I'm planning on going to the doctor next week, lately the pain has been showing up more and more often and worst than before, sometimes I´ve related the pain with my stress level, and these past few days have been pretty much stressful but, it will be over soon so..:) I just hope I can make it with the pain I'm really tired, and today...specially today...cant stand it...not today...:(

If loving you is wrong..[I dont wanna be right]

so, Im still in the reorganization thing, this is becoming harder than what I thought, but Im sure (at least that's what I hope) it will pay off.
last week was a really bad one, but the weekend made it up big time, been spending more time with the kid and now I have another son, both of them made me laugh good on friday, was really really good. on saturday I finally got to get my mom out of the house, doing some shopping and the movies, we had a good time too.
new week has started, let's see how this one goes.
the notebook thing seems will turn into the worst investment done so far, once again paying the price on rushing in, weird thing, Im always procastinating, definitely, procastinating is my thing, but when it comes to important things, very important things, I cant wait, I have to do it like right now, I need to know everything ASAP if not...there's no not I have to period. anyway, Im still waiting, that lil fat ass bitch has till friday to deliver my notebook and my camera.
I just messed up in my last call, I HAVE to focus more on what Im doing, I did what Im supposed to but didnt actually write it down, shame on me, lets hope I was not being audited and Ill have a chance to make it up, (hate the checklist I need to get that thing remove like...now)
souh....weird day today...feeling good somehow...but bad in the other hand, well, guess Im just waiting for good things to happen, been trying all this time to make them happen, this time I wont, Im tired I feel I've been lying to myself so..things gotta change.,.,.,I just hope.,.,.,.,Im not wrong,.,.,.,.,anyway...

...If loving you is wrong.........
........I dont wanna be right .....

refuse resist

...even my IDD refuses to work.....
.....he just wants to logout...just like me :P

hate this cube

these past few weeks have brought some very deep thinking moments, some decisions Im taking are not easy to be turn into action, having to fight with huge needs I have makes it double fight and its not easy, worst, doesnt seem to have any goal besides just stop feeling as bad as I feel right now.

stuck here at this damn cube. I'll keep thinking if Im not doing wrong again. having two options and both of them suck, none of them give me the feeling I want. but I guess, this time, what Im doing will leave someone else winning(¿?), at least that's what I like to think, would make it easier to actually know but, at this point, something Ive come to realize is that I'd never get to know that....
....right?

and its totally worth the update...a classmate remind me of some emails I had to check up on, and I thought on checking the web site again and guess what.....10...en logica!!!!!!!! totally brought a smile to my face...like if it was chocolate-mint flavor nota jajajjajaja so now that means, logica, ingles and TIC are safe, now just the other two, lots of reading and it sucks...but...its a 10!!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D

sweet memories ::: Tiff Lacey

I dont like this, when I have so many things inside my head trying to come out, but I just keep them to myself cause I have the feeling I just dont have to say them, when I want to do something but I just dont cause I have the feeling will be the wrong move...why messing up things if they are doing ok? but why I cant feel ok holding all that inside? to many things coming at once, thought had a lifesaver but I was wrong, learning to do it on my own, im tired but Im learning, I know I will do it once and for all.
and once again, having the feeling fate is taking care of what I dont have the guts to do, leaving tough decisions to the fate that has been left with the responsability of the choices made, hope, this time, again, Im not taking the wrong one, trying to "think first", Im weighting all the options and posibilities I have at hand, which honestly seem to be none, I still have the hope, at the end, something good will turn out of all the mess.

:::Giving Up-Ingrid Michaelson:::

had gone through some tough situations for the past couple of weeks, have decided on givin up on some things I daydreamed about. maybe giving up doesnt describe exactly what I have in mind, but, definitely setting up some priorities at this time. some things did not end up the way I expected and that made me have second thoughts; sometimes for some unknown reasons, delays are the best way out.
once someone told me, that I always runaway of things that I cant handle, I dont think that´s what Im doing this time, Im just... stepping aside...for a while, want to have a different perspective of the whole situation that is going on right now, I need to have the big picture so I can come up with the "to do" list, new dreams, new plans.

finally Im done

finally...parciales are over!!!!! now we can relax and sleep for a few days before starting all over again. this past couple of weeks have been really exhausting for me, guess all the emotional package was overwhelming. anyway, finally, they are over, once I did hit that submit button to send the last homework of the week, I felt so relax.
went to see my mom and had some wine, tried to sleep but for some reason that house never lets me sleep. got the kid sleeping already so Ill take advantage of this, watching some tv and then falling sleep...too bad I have to go to work. lets hope the availability keeps its trend :D

so tired…

and once again, I'm trapped on my own reactions, once someone told me, think twice before you act…I know, I fucked up once cause of this. unfortunately that´s one, if not my biggest “area of opportunity”; I never think; I'm the most reactive person on earth. I should follow my own advise, the same one I always give to this person, over and over again “play smart, not hard”; why am I unable to follow my own advises? who knows…I'm feeling so stupid and pissed off right now…

there are few people who can actually get me to this level, but, I've come up to a decision, and even though its not gonna be easy to achieve, changes will be made to reach the goal…this time, its for real for real.

it pisses me off to be surrounded by people who are not able to hold accountable on their words, and yes, shame on me, it pisses me off even more the fact that things do not go the way I want them to; but, I guess, what makes me feel worst, its to feel so alone, having around so many people “who cares about me” not giving a shit on what´s going on, and to find support on the people who I'm supposed to be keeping away from me cause are “the worst of the worst”…and you know what? ironically at the end, they are the ones who are always asking, how am I doing? how am I feeling? please call me if you need something; cant remember when was the last time that any of you “people who care about me” asked me how I am or if I was in need of something IF you have EVER done something like that.

"te invito a un refresco"

does he really think somebody falls with that line??? dayumm!!

...its gotta be a coffee :P jajajaja

lo que es no querer estudiar...posting bullshit instead of studying... +.+

the day I met "el tunco"

souh, my vacations are over, Im back to work, good thing, people say there's availability so Im still waiting for it. a recap on the vacations...first week, doing homeworks for the logica lab and TIC, and gripe, second week , gripe and my grandma's funeral then taking care of my mom...so, I decided to make the last day a good one, so I asked for help and I met El tunco, ["que no parece tunco"] yes, yes, trust me, I didnt know that place till monday, [shame on me!].

so after the attack of the squirrels, we hit the road and moved to the beach, was a good day, that's how I like the beach, just sitting there, watching the waves, with the breeze....only thing missing was the hammock...I got shocked of the place, its really cool, people every where, and I bet was a slow day, lots of people surfing or just there having fun, I really liked it. I wanted to go to some kinda mmm...oO..dunno..."house" that we could see there, unfortunatly we couldnt go, unless we swim and....we were not ready for that so we came back home, I was so tired, went straight to bed, I had like maybe 1 hour being sleep and someone started knocking on my door, when I got out of bed, my feet got all wet, there was water all over my house, at the end my brother got the thing fix and at least no more water was coming to the house, but I had to take all the water in my room out, and the only thing I wanted was to sleep, I can feel im getting sick again, guess cause of having my feet cold.

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen...

...good bye...

, finally mi grandma is resting, it´s been a long fight, she could do no more. these two days have been totally exhausting, wanna thank the people who showed their support, gotta say, was totally unexpected to see you there, but you have no idea how much it helped, thanks, this has been, by far, one of the most painful moments I had to go trough.

vacation suck"!¿!!!!!!!!!!

this vacations suck! most of it...been here inside my house for the last week , it´s been boring, and there´s no way I can just lay down and relax cause I have the kid here,
its been fun though, see him trying to keep my mom´s day present as a secret...he lasted like...2 days jajaja

I found this blog, pureblissvocals.blospot.com, really really good one, I specially liked the chillout playlist they have in youtube, I liked this song in particular....






just as a note, this post was completly different, I wrote a lot last night after getting dopped with sleeping pills :$....I just erased some senseless things .....but well, Ill try to make them have a lil bit more sense, thanks for the pic, for coming all the way here and even staying due the circumstances, and thanks for clarifying things, for real you have no idea how bad Ive been feeling cause of that...for real for real..

having fun on 3D

as the kid has been confined to the house for the last 4 days I decided to take him out to the movies, so we went to see this movie, which was good, but the best part is, that the movie is on 3D, and watching my kid enjoying that was priceless. I watched more at my kid than the actual movie, there are some scenes that the 3D effects comes up really really cool, and watching him trying to reach things are jumping out of his seat cause he feels the ball is gonna hit him in hi face was hilarious ; at the beginning thought it was kinda expensive but, all that made it worth it definitely.

"live from Abbey road" has become a must-be-seen on saturday night, there´s where I get my artist of the week must of the times, last night I was hearing music from Colbie Caillat, really nice songs, as I understood she´s pretty much new; she has one album, " Coco" and she has really nice songs there, my fav ones are "Battle" and "realize"

I've been busy with the hw, but as I get so desperate, besides being homework productive I've been music productive too, been listening to Nadia Ali, guess I've heard her before but, not sure, I was trying to download some of her music but couldn't fine the versions I wanted, I found some acoustic versions that I loved how they sound, too bad couldn't download them, but I'm still fighting. also found music from Joshua Radin, very slow slow music, really good. "what if" , loved that one.

I better go finish my HW…

yesterday stats….

coffee….3

cigz……3

….and Ill hear some music :P

::Cerf, Mitiska & Jaren - You Never Said::

Rejection’s like an ice cold bath
But the water’s feelin’ good this time
And I hate that I misread you boy
But I can’t resist no-crossing signs when
You’re an open invitation to a heartache
A painful kind of good, I should just leave alone but it’s too late

I’m right back where I started out
Not a lot to show, just memories
But I took what I could get from you, now I’m off
To fill the void, you see
I got a habit I can’t break, so it does all the breaking
And a heart that’s slow to heal, cause I fall for the ones
Who are taken

You never said, you never said that I’m your baby
You never said, you never said that I’m the one
You never said you’d try, or that you’d take me or you’d leave me
You just said goodbye, you said goodbye

You never said, you never said that I’m your baby
You never said, you never said that I’m the one
You never said you’d try, or that you’d take me or you’d leave me
You just said goodbye, you said goodbye

And you just kept walkin’ baby
I couldn’t have stopped you if I tried
I was such a fool to think it might have led
To something fulfilling baby
And had you been willing maybe
I wouldn’t have these thoughts runnin’ through my head

You never said, you never said that I’m your baby
You never said, you never said that I’m the one
You never said you’d try, or that you’d take me or you’d leave me
You just said goodbye, you said goodbye

You never said, you never said that I’m your baby
You never said, you never said that I’m the one
You never said you’d try, or that you’d take me or you’d leave me
You just said goodbye, you said goodbye

You never said, you never said that I’m your baby
You never said, you never said that I’m the one
You never said you’d try, or that you’d take me or you’d leave me
You just said goodbye, you said goodbye

long post…not to be read

somehow people have got the idea I'm strong and smart and mature…have no idea how, I'm not strong, wish I could be, and definitely I haven't been smart enough to get myself out of bad situations I've gone trough…mature….guess my kid will have to raise me…that immature I am.

why am I talking about this? its just something that comes up to my mind every time I face things I don't know how to handle. and as the storm will never come alone, I'm getting everything at once, grandma is at the hospital doing very bad, hurts to see her in such a pain, my aunt is at the UCI, haven't been able to go to see her cause of the place she is, my other aunt is in bad conditions too, and my mom is so exhausted and feels so bad to see her like that, she has aged in just few months, and there´s no way Ill let her let me help.

have gone through some wrong roads lately, no regrets, but no happiness either. thought I had found what I've been looking for so long, but end up being the same thing than before, things being said the clearest as possible, I'm still in denial, hitting your face with the truth wall hurts, but it has to wake me up at last.

the vacations, that should be so long expected, are what I knew where going to be, a hell. just one more week to go, and hate to be here, but also hate the idea of going back to those customers. I need a change, but it gets me even more frustrated knowing that no matter what idea I can come up with to get all this out of my system, my hands and feet are tied, nowhere to go, nothing to do…hhhmmm…guess this last one is the reading proof of me just bitching around, hate to do homeworks, specially when I don't see the point of them, anyway.

going to class tomorrow and I hope I wont forget all the things I have to do, I have to take the pic for my titulo, have to get the titulo printed, have to take the titulo to el ministerio which I don't like to go, that people is so bored and rude, and then I have to take it to la Gavidia….and I have to do logica homework, which this time I'm planning to read before trying to do the homework, that´s what I've learned jajajaja.

-+—+-+-+-+-+

and reading this post back, damn so depresing and quejisto…..

I must start writting more fun and happy post from now on..if not I wont post…

but I will leave it here just as a reminder…

ouh I forgot

coffee [since wednesday] ….7

cigs [since wednesday]…9