read and remember

sou, this coming weekend I have labs and homework...which means Ive been dong whatever comes to my mind...nah..been farming, I actually did a new arrangement so I can plant more seeds so I can get the house I want... mmm.. ( what a delusional parragraph alli..)

anyway...

so in order to keep procrastinating cause that´s what I know how to do best, I started checking my previous posts, and its funny (?) how things can change from one day to the other, just on the last couple of months, there are post saying how much life sucks and how much some people made my life really hard, then are some other saying how much life was great, that couldnt get any better,.,.,gran bsing ahi...

thing is, I was thinking, how sometimes we get overwhelmed by emotions, we get blind thinking what we are going through its the worst thing ever and that most likely we will not be able to survive...but then, comes a new day, comes a new post, that helps to remind us how what made life feel like hell on earth, is now gone, that we survived and that we had no idea what was yet to come; some really good things, and some bad ones, but at the end..we had survived.,.

so today, that was a very heavy and weird day, I will go back to my old post, read and remember how I felt we all were going to die, and go to sleep thinking on the good day that is waiting for me tomorrow ( and that we all are not going to die cause of a broken crayon...or 8 )

warning: I havent had a good night sleep for almost a week so this post might just not make any sense , you might want to skip it till the next one

Be open and don't judge. People who have differing opinions aren't less than you.

"See if you can inspire others with your righteous energy -- it may be somewhat tougher than usual, but those who do get it should light up like Christmas trees! A few of you working together can make a difference."

ok, I dont like today's horoscope, it sounds really inspiring, thinking I could be able to light up people like Christmas trees but, I dont think Ill be able to when Im feeling so down myself. my leg is still hurting, pretty much Im guessing is the whole stress of the parciales and having so many things to study with not enough time to do it, also having so many issues understanding; I really need help on this. ...hhhhhhmmmmmuuuuufffffff (((((suspiro))))) anyway....

I received a note back from the kid's teacher, at this point Im totally disappointed and have no idea what to do. she keeps sending notes complaining about the kid not working, how he doesnt follow instructions, that he keeps on messing his classmates books, etc, etc, etc...

so obviously I feel bad cause I wish my kid would be one of those kids the teachers love and they cant stop saying how awesome they are, [Im not saying my kid is not awesome, the only thing is that blind lazy bitch is not able to see on to such sky-rocking awesomeness] so, as Ive been living hell on earth trying to get the kid meet her standard I decided I was not gonna be giving away my life and his life just to have her happy, I decided my kid needed a different approach and that eventually we were going to meet the level he is supposed to be, we are all different and he might not work the same way or speed as the other kids. so after the switch I can tell, everything has improved, the times I consider leaving him on the corner with the free sign hanging from his neck have been reduce in a significant rate, we are able to do homeworks in a very very acceptable way ( I mean, this is my point of view, Im sending him to school to learn so what if he doesnt do that O as a perfect circle, I can tell its an O, isnt she supposed to teach him on how to do it? if we all were born knowing there would not be a point on having teachers [so you better give a second thought on all that complaining you bitch who Im paying her paycheck]

now, as she is in that small room with all those little devils dress up in uniforms, she is able to tell the difference between his work and the other kids work, but I just wonder, are all those other 34 kids doing such a perfect job that my kid's work is so offensive to her sensible eyes? I wonder cause I have no one else to compare, so for me its very acceptable, but again, he is my kid, even if he gets to kill someone I will first high-five him for a job well done, I will worry later regarding the whole moral issue.

so, I sent her a note, I tried to hold myself together and try to show me as a worried mother willing to help her to tame this lil creature sent from the darkest corners of hell, but aparently it sounded like I cant understand how come she cant see the brilliance in my kid and that she totally sucks cause the kid hates school. and she replied....ouh that bitch dare to reply...

...and at this point I have to be honest I wish there was someone else, right now is one of those moments when I understand the reason why family has two parental units, cause when one of them gets tired, the other one comes to the rescue, cause when one wants to describe that bitch all the awful ways she might die if she doesnt motivate that kid, the other one will come to have a mature conversation with her or will scare the living hell out of her, cause when one is way too drunk to get up from bed, the other one will be able to handle the hangover to at least go and check up on the kid, cause when one has the need to keep changing channels there will be someone else to complain about it....and now this post went way too long and I totally lost it..

....im so sleepy, Im still waiting my caffeine pill :s

....update....no caffeine pill....but coffee is doing its job :D

enjoying calm after the storm

souh,., the whole kid's teacher thing was really annoying, I guess I was in denial thinking it was her being lazy not wanting to do extra work with my kid just cause all the other kids in the room are a bunch of pussies who have no will of their own.

anyway, I started to get worry when all of a sudden my son seemed to have a menopausal grumpy woman trapped inside, he was just not willing to do any homework at all, it didn't matter how much I threat with taking away his toys, leaving him with no tv for the rest of his life or just to leave him in the corner with a FREE sign hanging on his neck.

and I just collapsed...it didn't happen all of sudden, it was a slow process and very painful, I noticed when I started calling my friend crying cause I couldn't take it anymore, crying alone everytime I saw homework pending, and we reached bottom a week ago when I thought just on walking away and leave everything and got my mom upset with me, that day that I thought life couldnt get any worst...and I cried cause I thought I was not gonna make it.

I spent my time searching every article I could find regarding helping a 5 year old doing homework,., Im not gonna say I indeed applied the things that I found, but they gave me some reference on the things Ive been doing so wrong.
so, last week he missed some classes cause he was kinda sick and he went back on saturday, so he was around 3 days behind in all his work, I was about to pass out when I saw so many work pending. but we got it done by sunday morning...I was AMAZED...Im not gonna lie, was not easy, but it was what I think a normal level of unwillingness. yesterday I got home a lil bit late than usual, and he had a lot of work again, and it was just the most amazing experience ever, we made jokes, I had to be sitting next to him all the time, but we got almost everything done, and the work done was just perfect, we couldnt finish cause it was too late, there was a lot of work and he was about to start crying, he just wanted to sleep, I refused to push him anymore and we got to the agreement he would wake up earlier the next day to finish the work, he just said yes and fell asleep immediately.

two things about the whole experience got me really shock...first, the fact that he was working SO DAMN GOOD, Ive always known he can do a good job but that coloring....those numbers....it was just glowing in awesomeness....and when I told him how wonderful his work was he goes and says...mommy is just I dont want you to get upset with me, so that's why I work.
my heart broke at that point, had to hold myself together to not start crying right there, cant believe how much pressure Ive been putting in to those lil shoulders that the only thing that motivates him to work is not getting me upset.

that was hard, but I realize how setting up a real goal helped so much, I was not gonna keep on fighting to match the teacher's criteria, I understand my kid has his own speed of learning and his own way of doing things...so now Im not focusing on the side he chooses to start drawing the circle as long as he does it and get it done right.

sorry baby Im learning how to be a mom with you...I wish I knew how to do everything right from start...thanks for loving me so much.

and the kid needs a therapist

..so on friday I was called to a meeting by my kid's teacher..again...so I went today to hear what she had to say, so basically things we can say are going the same, the kid still doesnt want to work, doesnt follow instructions, is unable to have his breakfast in a decent manner...but the main problem showing up right now is..that basically he DOESNT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE WORLD!,.,so her teacher advise to take the kid to a therapist to check what's giving the problem, as she said, its normal for a kid to be a lil bit distracted but not to get to his I-dont-give-a-fuck type of level, she states he doesnt care if his team is loosing when they are playing games, as well as he doesnt care if she threatens on giving him a 0 in his work, he just couldnt care less.
so, at this point I feel totally frustrated and responsable for his IDGAF state of mind, I know, I can be myself that way ;who knows, maybe most of the time, but I never expected the kid to get that attached into his mind that way, that soon. worst thing is, that I dont spend time with him as much as I would like, or as much as it seems to be needed. and at this point I feel totally lost and have absolutly no clue whatsoever on what the hell to do with him.
Ive tried to teach him, and honestly thought I had succesfully, what responsability means and how we all have duties that have to be performed no matter the age or who we are, I tried to made him understand how I work to get money to buy his stuff, how his "work" is to go to school and study and follow his teacher's instructions.
but, yes, Ive noticed, lately he has been behaving worst, Ive never gone with the timeout thing cause he will basically just stand up and I would have to put him back in time out so the time out would get extended basicaly for the whole day. so Ive gone through all the disciplinary ways I can come up with or that I have found over the internet, by now, Im tired, frustrated and the kid seems to be getting worst.
one thing I need to set up clear here, cause by reading back what Im writting seems to give a really bad image of my kid, Id say, he behaves good, he is a good kid, he plays with his friends, he doesnt get in fights, he is not definitely the bully type of kid, he is in fact very calm, he likes, actually he loves talking...that one is for real..he will never..but..NEVER..shut up, he will stay there watching tv, or playing with his car, you wont even notice he is there, its just this basic things he is failing..like...yes he does his homework, but I have to be sitting next to him, pushing him to do it, he will do it wrong, just cause he can, sometimes feels he does that just to bother me, so after erasing and redoing the traces for like 4-5 times he will finally give up and do it how is supposed to, cause, he can. and well, the teacher complains about him not following her rules, not paying attention, not sitting while having his breakfast, but...damn...he is not like that at home, he will have his meals on his own most of the time, I just need to be checking up on him every once in a while to make sure he is actually eating, so in this case I have no idea how to work on this, if he seems to be a total different kid, the home-kid is really cool, the school-kid is something else.
someone suggested me quitting my job to spend more time with him, which by the size of my bills Id say is totally out of question, the other option is to take him to a therapist, and as the problems on kids, specially his age, seems to be just a mirror of his parents problems, Ill be going to a therapist, actually today, my mom got me one, so we will see, how messed up I am that Im messing up my kid.

"te invito a un refresco"

does he really think somebody falls with that line??? dayumm!!

...its gotta be a coffee :P jajajaja

lo que es no querer estudiar...posting bullshit instead of studying... +.+

the day I met "el tunco"

souh, my vacations are over, Im back to work, good thing, people say there's availability so Im still waiting for it. a recap on the vacations...first week, doing homeworks for the logica lab and TIC, and gripe, second week , gripe and my grandma's funeral then taking care of my mom...so, I decided to make the last day a good one, so I asked for help and I met El tunco, ["que no parece tunco"] yes, yes, trust me, I didnt know that place till monday, [shame on me!].

so after the attack of the squirrels, we hit the road and moved to the beach, was a good day, that's how I like the beach, just sitting there, watching the waves, with the breeze....only thing missing was the hammock...I got shocked of the place, its really cool, people every where, and I bet was a slow day, lots of people surfing or just there having fun, I really liked it. I wanted to go to some kinda mmm...oO..dunno..."house" that we could see there, unfortunatly we couldnt go, unless we swim and....we were not ready for that so we came back home, I was so tired, went straight to bed, I had like maybe 1 hour being sleep and someone started knocking on my door, when I got out of bed, my feet got all wet, there was water all over my house, at the end my brother got the thing fix and at least no more water was coming to the house, but I had to take all the water in my room out, and the only thing I wanted was to sleep, I can feel im getting sick again, guess cause of having my feet cold.

manual request...

so..as Im such a new user on this motherhood thing, I can definitly tell...I suck at this...kidz already 4 and we are struggling so much on this so call discipline. we are facing even more challenges now at the new school. I've been call to a meeting with his teacher this coming thursday, so we'll see what she has to say. thing is...I dont agree with some things she considers in her teaching methods, I was checking one of his HW yesterday and she added some notes stating that painting some drawings with purple hair is not the correct color to use....and I think...arent kids suppose to use their imagination as they want??? I mean...he is just a kid, he can paint whatever color he wants, cant he?? even grown-up woman paint their fucking hair with any crazy color they want, even more than one color...why on earth my kid cant paint a drawing with some purple hair???
so , just in order to keep world's peace I didnt reply to her note and I didnt say anything to my kid, he can use all the colors he wants anytime he wants.
so, if you have any tip will be more than welcome...how to raise a kid and not die trying....