enjoying calm after the storm

souh,., the whole kid's teacher thing was really annoying, I guess I was in denial thinking it was her being lazy not wanting to do extra work with my kid just cause all the other kids in the room are a bunch of pussies who have no will of their own.

anyway, I started to get worry when all of a sudden my son seemed to have a menopausal grumpy woman trapped inside, he was just not willing to do any homework at all, it didn't matter how much I threat with taking away his toys, leaving him with no tv for the rest of his life or just to leave him in the corner with a FREE sign hanging on his neck.

and I just collapsed...it didn't happen all of sudden, it was a slow process and very painful, I noticed when I started calling my friend crying cause I couldn't take it anymore, crying alone everytime I saw homework pending, and we reached bottom a week ago when I thought just on walking away and leave everything and got my mom upset with me, that day that I thought life couldnt get any worst...and I cried cause I thought I was not gonna make it.

I spent my time searching every article I could find regarding helping a 5 year old doing homework,., Im not gonna say I indeed applied the things that I found, but they gave me some reference on the things Ive been doing so wrong.
so, last week he missed some classes cause he was kinda sick and he went back on saturday, so he was around 3 days behind in all his work, I was about to pass out when I saw so many work pending. but we got it done by sunday morning...I was AMAZED...Im not gonna lie, was not easy, but it was what I think a normal level of unwillingness. yesterday I got home a lil bit late than usual, and he had a lot of work again, and it was just the most amazing experience ever, we made jokes, I had to be sitting next to him all the time, but we got almost everything done, and the work done was just perfect, we couldnt finish cause it was too late, there was a lot of work and he was about to start crying, he just wanted to sleep, I refused to push him anymore and we got to the agreement he would wake up earlier the next day to finish the work, he just said yes and fell asleep immediately.

two things about the whole experience got me really shock...first, the fact that he was working SO DAMN GOOD, Ive always known he can do a good job but that coloring....those numbers....it was just glowing in awesomeness....and when I told him how wonderful his work was he goes and says...mommy is just I dont want you to get upset with me, so that's why I work.
my heart broke at that point, had to hold myself together to not start crying right there, cant believe how much pressure Ive been putting in to those lil shoulders that the only thing that motivates him to work is not getting me upset.

that was hard, but I realize how setting up a real goal helped so much, I was not gonna keep on fighting to match the teacher's criteria, I understand my kid has his own speed of learning and his own way of doing things...so now Im not focusing on the side he chooses to start drawing the circle as long as he does it and get it done right.

sorry baby Im learning how to be a mom with you...I wish I knew how to do everything right from start...thanks for loving me so much.