and I just cant sleep

today has been a really really bad day...good thing is that is about to be over, weird thing, Ive been feeling so bad, not sickness way, since yesterday and as soon as I started typing I can finally cry.

sickness hasnt improved that much, but Ill be going to work tomorrow, we´ll see how that goes.

in the morning we catch up with most of the homework with the kid, that was awful, Im such a bad mother, he had 2 weeks to do all that homework that I made him do in one morning, and I even made him feel how bad he was cause he didnt want to do anything anymore. at noon I took my antibiotics and that thing makes me nausea and makes my body shake so I was not feeling good, besides the whole guilt and anger, I refused to go to my mom´s and made the kid go with my dad and my sister. its is so hard to believe how come after I gave him such a bad time the kid still rathers to stick around with me. anyway, spent the whole afternoon alone, pretty much laying in the couch thinking on something to fix this whole situation. so when my mom finally came home with the kid we started talking about all this thing she thinks the kid has. I have no idea how, but we end up arguing, that right there was me collapsing of so many things that are just going wrong in my life, ....so at the end she left the house upset with me, so there it goes, one more thing to add to the list.

anyway...

I couldnt sleep, planned to watch some movies and to felt asleep that way but had so many things in my mind that thought on some catarsis here as usual, and my dad just came here to try to talk to me, he just killed the whole catarsis thing :( that will help in my plan of getting the kid in some kind of schedule that is supposed to help him get better, hopefuly that´ll do.

everything else, I dont know, guess we will leave that one a side, even though its really hurting; but the sickness, the kid, my mom...too many balls in the air right now I just cant handle anything else. all I can say about that is, I thought I was not gonna be able to do it this time, seems like I was wrong on that, just wish Im wrong on the things that made me go this way but, guess that is one of those things we will never know huh?