look who's growing up...

Have you investigated every avenue? There's an opportunity you're missing today.

It's the best time for you to get started on a creative project of some kind -- maybe a new artistic direction, or maybe a whirlwind of home improvement. Your good energy is directed outward.

~ (nothing to say -.-)

and truth is, I was feeling so damn angry,.,one of those angry moments that just makes me wanna cry. I manage to keep my shit together and choose to go to lunch to do some thinking. smoked my anger and came back. as my horoscope says...I have to do some searching, check my options...so Im just evaluating the situation, definitely Im not in a position to come with one of my usual reactions, got many bills to pay and a kid to send to school, time to bite my tongue, shut up and look for a way to get myself in a better situation. [ damn,., cant believe that came out of me, look who's growing up...]

kicked out

since we moved back to my dad´s house....that was like...over 3 years now, the kid has been sleeping with me, mostly due space issues, there´s absolutly no room to put another bed for him. so ever since then I havent been able to have a good night sleep, well, actually Im lynig on that one, ever since I GOT HIM I havent been able to get a good night sleep; what Ive been thinking about since then is How is it gonna be when I finally get him in his own bed? is he gonna cry for me? coming in the middle of hte night back to my bed or just yelling my name ?

and just today I was kicked out of my own bed.....

last night my mom decided was a good idea due my sickness of me not sharing the room with the kid so we will avoid him getting sick, which it made sense, so I put him to sleep and then my sis took my place, so up to there we were fine, next day it was around 8 am and he was still sleep, [ let me add this detail in case I have never mentioned this here before, he will always, let me rephrase that he will ALWAYS wake up at 6 am on saturdays] so, today before I put him to sleep he goes and say "you are not sleeping here, sarita is sleeping here with me" and then it hitted me, right in my liver....I got kicked out of my bed...out of my room...out of my kid`s sleep needs...

anyway...Im doing better now, the pills are definitely working, although there´s one that makes my whole body shake, so that is really annoying, I feel like an old person. I really hate that makes me feel so weak, but hopefuly that would end up soon :D

I was realizing something today, Ive been dying to smoke...friday night, I was feeling like if I was gonna die..right there...in the middle of my mom´s dining room trying to have some dinner...so then I thought, if I keep on smoking Ill die like this, trying to breath and just wont be able to never ever again like NUNCA JAMAS! so then I thought..Im not smoking ever again...

but Im so dying to do it right now...how sad is that....