Christmas 09

and its Christmas!

when we are lil kids, Christmas here pretty much goes the same way. wearing new clothes, going to grandma's house, play with fireworks, eat tamales, play with more fireworks, go back home, play with more fireworks.
as time went by, tradition in my house was pretty much that for a long long time, till my parents split, so tradition changed, we would go to my grandma's house, my siblings would stay there while I went with my dad to visit my aunt. then we would go back home to be at midnight all together.

this is the first Christmas without my grandma...and I feel totally lost.

I have no idea what we are supposed to do today, should we go to my mom's house, should she go to our house, should I go with my dad to visit my aunt, should I stay at home with her. it is so weird.

I can forecast a tough Christmas tonight, I can tell my mom will not be doing that good, but maybe she will be ok, you never know what's coming with her, that lady is so unpredictable.

overall its a good Christmas, at least, its the first year I dont have to force myself to think on all the good things Ive received this year, happiness its coming by itself, thanks to my family who once again have shown they are always there to support my son and me, to my friends, who make each day at work more bearable and fill me with laughs with all their silly things, to my son, who fills me with kisses and hugs everyday and make me realize how lucky I am to have him even though he gets me tired so damn fast, to my sweety, how has been with me for such a long time as my best friend, just for your mere existence I want to be the best version of me, and I do hope that 1% as you said really makes it up.

Merry Christmas to all, I love you with all my heart!.

reveal to me!!!!

Your psychic powers are stronger than usual today, so expect some big jolts as people's souls reveal themselves to you. It's a good time to file information away for alter use, rather than taking direct action.

~ :O! aha! I like that one....heard, acknowledge and understood...hooah!

PS,.just had two cups of coffee as I had just a few hours of sleep, what worries me is that Im not feeling sleepy, just burning eyes, so Im guessing later today Ill be feeling the hit of the lack of sleep and I have classes today. Ill need to have coffee going directly to my veins,.,and funny things happen when there are insane amounts of caffeine in my body... so.. we'll see how it goes

the coffee boost lasted all morning, after lunch, food and coke got me really high but it lasted just like half and hour, which was more than enough to make fun of a few dudes in my team. from there on everything was down down down..leg is bugging but seems to be doing better.

and all Im gonna say about this day is.,.,I never expected this type of revelation, Im happy to realize how each day has something new to surprise me, huge surprise,.,came home, unable to think on anything, totally in shock still...to find the kid with a good note from his teacher, saying how good he worked and behaved at school. IS THERE A WAY THIS DAY COULD HAVE GOT ANY BETTER?

happy 5th birthday!

I gotta say this was a weird birthday, although it end up being a 3 days celebration [and we are still missing el mundo feliz next weekend :D].
I cant believe its been five years already, I still remember how it was when the doctor told me I was pregnant, the most weird mix of feelings Ive ever had, I was so damn happy but I was so damn scared too. you've been strong and you knew a lot of things even before I realize them, you've been so special and you have shown to be so mature in moments Ive failed on showing it. I know Ive failed you in so many ways, but your love for me remains there, untouchable, I need to remind myself not to give that for granted, cause I know that will not last forever.
I remember feeling so sleepy, I would fall sleep everywhere all the time, I would throw up everything I ate or drink, I couldn't hold not even water, and also remember feeling my belly expanding so much up to feel my skin wont hold it and I would just explode. we were in a room shared with other 4 moms with their newborns, they would all cry and cry all night, you...you only wanted to sleep, I couldn't sleep that night, I just wanted to look at you, checking you perfect feet, your small hands, your hair, your hair damn...you had so much jajaja, that night it rained, our bed was right next to the window, and it was raining hard and there were a lot of lightnings, I was so worried they would wake you up, but I guess you were so tired that nothing could disturb your sleep.
once at home I used to go check on you every 5 minutes, when I got tired of doing that I would just stayed there, sitting next to your crib watching you cause I was worried you might stop breathing at some point, you made no noise whatsoever, the breastfeeding thing was really hard, definitely we have gone through really heavy things, but you have been so strong to hold my hand and give me the strength I needed to keep on going.
this last year has been really difficult for both of us, looks like we are both going through some transition stages, very important ones, and even though we are going through this hard times at the end of the day you always have my hand to hold on to and fall sleep, and I always have your lovely sleepy look telling me you love me.
happy birthday gordito, you have no idea what having you in my life means, you are the reason to wake up everyday, open my eyes and wonder...what the hell is he going to do today?? and I cant wait to get home and find the new surprise of the day.

Canada...phase I

and my cousin and her girls are on their way to Canada...like...right now...wish them a nice flight and I hope everything goes up there as we all expect...really good. we are gonna miss you all, I've watched those girls grow up, so beautiful and funny, Caro, Ill miss you so much, you were one of the ones who always made my visits to my aunt´s house so fun and entertained, thanks for all the advises and for always made me feel comfortable, you always treated me as what I am, I´ll miss our talks and now I don't have no body who will support me drinking and smoking there jajajajaj, damn Ill miss you but I know, everything you are doing, you are doing it cause you want the best for your girls, and I'm proud of you cause of that, you have taught me so much, and I know you will do just great there, you know you always count on me, don't forget the plan ;D, hope Ill see you soon...

vacation suck"!¿!!!!!!!!!!

this vacations suck! most of it...been here inside my house for the last week , it´s been boring, and there´s no way I can just lay down and relax cause I have the kid here,
its been fun though, see him trying to keep my mom´s day present as a secret...he lasted like...2 days jajaja

I found this blog, pureblissvocals.blospot.com, really really good one, I specially liked the chillout playlist they have in youtube, I liked this song in particular....






just as a note, this post was completly different, I wrote a lot last night after getting dopped with sleeping pills :$....I just erased some senseless things .....but well, Ill try to make them have a lil bit more sense, thanks for the pic, for coming all the way here and even staying due the circumstances, and thanks for clarifying things, for real you have no idea how bad Ive been feeling cause of that...for real for real..

happy valentine´s day!!!

today´s valentine´s...so I want to thank all the people that somehow have come to my life and showed me..what friends are....I´ve always consider I don´t have friends, as I see some profiles in facebook of people going out everywhere with the same crew....meanwhile I go out nowhere...cause have nobody to go with...
after I came back to my dad´s house,around 3 years ago, they took me to have some dinner for my birthday, we went to a chinese restaurant, and I got my very first fortune cookie (actually the only one so far) and my fortune said "you´ll always be surrounded by true friends"; so Ive been thinking about it and realized...that´s totally true.
I´ve always had someone in my life, who has helped me to go trough life, most of them are not with me anymore, but I know that if I need them, I´ll always count with them, as they know they count with me.
so today, I want to thank all that people that has come to my life and left something of them in me, to the ones that had teach me how to be a better person, the ones that had supported me, the ones that had some beers with me, the ones who had hold my head while throwing up, had heard and read all my stories [same stories over and over again], for the ones that believed in me, the ones that are still with me, the one who without noticing took my broken heart and put it back in....to all of you...HAPPY VALENTINE´S DAY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!

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got my valentine´s day gifts......

thanks to my Bro for the chocolates....and to Rodri for the card...