happy 5th birthday!

I gotta say this was a weird birthday, although it end up being a 3 days celebration [and we are still missing el mundo feliz next weekend :D].
I cant believe its been five years already, I still remember how it was when the doctor told me I was pregnant, the most weird mix of feelings Ive ever had, I was so damn happy but I was so damn scared too. you've been strong and you knew a lot of things even before I realize them, you've been so special and you have shown to be so mature in moments Ive failed on showing it. I know Ive failed you in so many ways, but your love for me remains there, untouchable, I need to remind myself not to give that for granted, cause I know that will not last forever.
I remember feeling so sleepy, I would fall sleep everywhere all the time, I would throw up everything I ate or drink, I couldn't hold not even water, and also remember feeling my belly expanding so much up to feel my skin wont hold it and I would just explode. we were in a room shared with other 4 moms with their newborns, they would all cry and cry all night, you...you only wanted to sleep, I couldn't sleep that night, I just wanted to look at you, checking you perfect feet, your small hands, your hair, your hair damn...you had so much jajaja, that night it rained, our bed was right next to the window, and it was raining hard and there were a lot of lightnings, I was so worried they would wake you up, but I guess you were so tired that nothing could disturb your sleep.
once at home I used to go check on you every 5 minutes, when I got tired of doing that I would just stayed there, sitting next to your crib watching you cause I was worried you might stop breathing at some point, you made no noise whatsoever, the breastfeeding thing was really hard, definitely we have gone through really heavy things, but you have been so strong to hold my hand and give me the strength I needed to keep on going.
this last year has been really difficult for both of us, looks like we are both going through some transition stages, very important ones, and even though we are going through this hard times at the end of the day you always have my hand to hold on to and fall sleep, and I always have your lovely sleepy look telling me you love me.
happy birthday gordito, you have no idea what having you in my life means, you are the reason to wake up everyday, open my eyes and wonder...what the hell is he going to do today?? and I cant wait to get home and find the new surprise of the day.