do you believe in love?

"marriage is like a business transaction"

that was told to me by a customer a few days ago,
after he has called me and my coworkers "idiots" and I told him he better calm down or I would have to release the call and he will be condemned to an endless life full of misery, regret,sorrow and a nonworking tv tuner.

at the end he choose redemption....that one, I gotta say has been so far the most accurate description of what I think marriage is.

so after an hour of troubleshooting and while I was just chatting and loosing time listening to him talking about kids and all the thousands of reasons why he thinks I must have another kid [NOT!!!] asking why I was not married and why I still don't have a boyfriend and where the fuck is the irresponsible airhead stupid ass-hole father of my kid [I swear those are his exact words ;D] he goes and ask....

"Do you believe in love?"

at this point it felt like someone paused all type of activity around me, not even air was allowed to move, I realize that when I started choking, my brain just freeze and I started mumbling, and as if my life depended on that, images of my past and present relationships started to flash in my mind in a desperate seek of an answer, weird images like a Frank Miller movie style, ...then he says ...

"yes...that's the big main question...Do you believe in love?"

I didn't know what to say, I was not able to answer, I just said...what is love? do you know what that is? and I felt like if I had tricked fate in the smartest way a human being can do it, still cant believe why I got so worried about that question coming from someone who just called me idiot, has got married 3 times and thinks this is not the last one and thinks fairy tales are true....

anyway, we end up the call but I was left thinking about that, and Ive been ever since...Do I believe in love? I used to think I did, I used to think it does exist...I used to...

once my dad told me...love doesn't last forever, it dies eventually, so apparently at the end, marriage it is after all a business transaction, you need to look for the best partner, thinking about those things that will help you in the long term, like having someone you love talking with, someone who will know when to leave you alone, someone who will know when to hug you even if you don't hug him back, someone who will trust you, someone who will be your best friend, someone who thinks you are the first person he needs to talk with when something good happens, someone who thinks you are the only one who will comfort him when something bad happens, someone who's voice never gets you bored, someone you need to have around even in those hot bored days when there's absolutely nothing to say or do, someone who will get all your nonsense..

and I know I still haven't answer ..do I believe...?

once upon a time I did, then I didn't, right now, as my life is at this exact moment that I'm sitting in front of my work computer waiting for this dumb customer to open her system I can tell....I DON'T KNOW...I know Im going through some transition stage right now, I can definitely tell that, if this is growing up damn, it hurts. I know I have deep strong feelings that have root deep inside my soul to places I didnt even know I had, at this point I dont know what it is, I do know it has scared the living shit out of me, I found out that one night while reviewing my day at the backyard, is that love? if it is..well...we will leave that whole story on how I realize I was so scared for another post cause this one is just way too long....

what about you? do you believe in love?