weekend

saturday was the kids bday...for some reason special bday have suck big time this year...so we woke up and started fighting really bad, we had to go to a wedding at night, so we didnt have that much time to do something with him; he was so damn upset that he didnt want to do anything. I felt really bad, anyway, at the end my family gave him his presents and we head to the wedding, late by the way, but somehow we manage to get there right on time to see the whole thing, then we moved to the dinner, the kid behaved really good, or maybe was the kid sharing our table who made my kid look like an angel. we came back around 12:30 my mom stayed home and the next day we decided to go to the beach.
we went to have lunch there and to get the kids playing for a while, we invited my cousin with her family as my kid loves her son so much, they had a good time, sad note, they gave him some small cars and a transformer which he lost in the sea, so in case you find them please send them back to me, I felt so damn embarrassed with my cousin, we looked for the damn toys but there was no way to get them back.

[p.s: I know you two most be having a blast down the sea thinking how smart you were on running away from my toy-killer son but let me tell you , you could have waited till my cousin and her cheap husband were not around you trans-fucking-formers]

happy 5th birthday!

I gotta say this was a weird birthday, although it end up being a 3 days celebration [and we are still missing el mundo feliz next weekend :D].
I cant believe its been five years already, I still remember how it was when the doctor told me I was pregnant, the most weird mix of feelings Ive ever had, I was so damn happy but I was so damn scared too. you've been strong and you knew a lot of things even before I realize them, you've been so special and you have shown to be so mature in moments Ive failed on showing it. I know Ive failed you in so many ways, but your love for me remains there, untouchable, I need to remind myself not to give that for granted, cause I know that will not last forever.
I remember feeling so sleepy, I would fall sleep everywhere all the time, I would throw up everything I ate or drink, I couldn't hold not even water, and also remember feeling my belly expanding so much up to feel my skin wont hold it and I would just explode. we were in a room shared with other 4 moms with their newborns, they would all cry and cry all night, you...you only wanted to sleep, I couldn't sleep that night, I just wanted to look at you, checking you perfect feet, your small hands, your hair, your hair damn...you had so much jajaja, that night it rained, our bed was right next to the window, and it was raining hard and there were a lot of lightnings, I was so worried they would wake you up, but I guess you were so tired that nothing could disturb your sleep.
once at home I used to go check on you every 5 minutes, when I got tired of doing that I would just stayed there, sitting next to your crib watching you cause I was worried you might stop breathing at some point, you made no noise whatsoever, the breastfeeding thing was really hard, definitely we have gone through really heavy things, but you have been so strong to hold my hand and give me the strength I needed to keep on going.
this last year has been really difficult for both of us, looks like we are both going through some transition stages, very important ones, and even though we are going through this hard times at the end of the day you always have my hand to hold on to and fall sleep, and I always have your lovely sleepy look telling me you love me.
happy birthday gordito, you have no idea what having you in my life means, you are the reason to wake up everyday, open my eyes and wonder...what the hell is he going to do today?? and I cant wait to get home and find the new surprise of the day.

Thinking out loud

what a bad mother I am, tomorrow is the kid's birthday and I forgot to buy his present :( SHAME.ON.ME

happy Bday gordita

cigz...none...(so far) [update 4 hours later] :::3 cigz:::
coffee....2 ...update...still 2
today´s my sis bday...that lil girl pisses me off very often, and unfortunately she is so just like me, I would say she might be even a lil bit worst...I feel bad cause she is living things she should know by this time, she worries about some grown up stuff...she should be aware of but, I just hope that will help her to know how to handle things like that when her time comes. anyway....gordita...I know you hate me calling you like that but you know its cause I love you with all my heart and I just hope you´ll grow up to be so much better than me. luv you and hope you have a great bday :D
*-*-
so we got back from the bday celebration..I'm feeling so tired but have a wolf mask to finish, and as usual the customer is already sleep so I cant make sure it will fit ok, we´ll see that in a rush tomorrow.
went to see my grandma, my old lady is looking worst, I hate this cause, now, that it looks like the end is close..and if not I really hope it is cause I hate to see her that way, she used to be so full of life and joy...anyway...what I don't like its feeling this way, feeling that I hope everything will end up soon, don't like to see her so uncomfortable, don't like how it feels not knowing what to say, not knowing how to help, and if I just stay standing in that room I feel I'm just interfering, hope everything gets better soon.