Would you please call?

 I wonder if I'm going crazy. The decision to move out took a long time to be made and once made to be processed. I took my sweet time, making plans in my head, building excel sheets, budgets and endless lists. I wanted to make this as well done as possible.

Somewhere, months before the big move happened, you came to my head and damn you are refusing to leave. Why?

I've seen you in dreams, but these last few times it has been different. Before, I would see you so indifferent, border line rude and every time Id see you it left me with this feeling of having to stay away. It would only reinforce the right decision had been made. But then you came back, and since it happened it left me with this huge urge of contacting you. It felt like you were calling me, like if you needed help. I did the only thing I knew I could do.. I prayed, I prayed for you every time your face came to my mind and it left a big pain in my heart. I kept wondering if you were really calling me or if it was just me playing games to myself.

Its been a few months now, I still see you, I still feel you (or so I think) but lately, the feeling is different. Anxiety takes over, anxiety and sadness. 

I keep hesitating, should I call, should I text, am I crazy?

anyhow... I wish with all my heart you are ok, I am sorry I am such a coward, beyond the fear of the pain it might cause me to see you being indifferent to me, the fear of me causing you any kind of pain its way bigger. Know I pray for you every waking moment I think of you, and my heart is always sending the best wishes it can send. 

I sincerely hope you are ok, but if you ever need me, would you please call?