let the universe take the wheel...

You've been on an emotional roller coaster lately, and you've had all the fun you can stand. You may find yourself trying to figure out what's going to happen next. Just for the next couple of days, though, stop pushing. Let the universe take the wheel and see what happens. Along the way, you could end up feeling pretty darned good about yourself -- all because of someone who wants to see you as you really are.

~ mmm, no comments,.-.- guess yes, I should stop thinking and give some rest to some thoughts that keep bouncing inside my head, it might be time for the universe to take the wheel, and for me just to step aside and just watch,.,Im tired, Im just tired, trying to figure out things that are just totally out of my control.

nothing good or interesting for the last few days, been writting about the thoughts I got after a recent visit to the bank, but, damn, que weba

finally TIC homework is done and uploaded, working right now on the fisica homework, dont like this, but Im trying to finish that today so I can go out tomorrow. planning to have lunch with Liss, I really need that, have so long not talking with her, we need to catch up.

on monday starts the count, we´ll see if this time its for real, got 3 weeks....if we dont make it in 3 all this will be over. guess thats one of the things that has been making me feel so down lately,.,I just hope whatever happens, as HE told me once, "whatever happens its gonna be for the best",.,if not...we´ll see our faces back in 60 (right chepis?)

chicken soup for the soul

I used to like to see that TV show, I know it was based on some inspirational books by Jack Canfield, they were really sweet stories and really encouraging, and being as I am I would end up crying each and every episode. [and reading the whole post back it has nothing to do with the rest of it, it was just a blast from the past]

since maybe 6 or 7 years ago I used to do a check up at the end of the year and set up a states I would like to end my year like, it was something like this...
2002 I end up with a boyfriend
2003 I end up pregnant
2004 I end up married
2005 I end up trying to safe my marriage
2006 I end up separated
2007 I was hoping to end it up divorce
2008 I was hoping to end it up divorce and living on my own
2009 who knows.. I got tired of hoping

I guess I stopped doing that review cause looking backwards that way was way way too disappointing, facing the fact that I screw my life year after year and made my self deaf to all the advises coming from the people around me who saw me getting so close to the edge is too frustrating, just makes me feel like getting out of my body and kick myself over and over till my foot would fall.
now, we are really close to the end of the year, that feared annual review is getting really close, this year started with the same vision as the previous ones, "this will be a good one, and we will end it up better than how we started it", many of the goals I set up for myself hasn't been accomplished, they are not even close to get started at some point, but some other things have been done that I had no idea that would happen. so I would say doing a fair balance, this has been so far a good year, I had my share of tears, that night I cried like I haven't cry in such a long long time, that type of crying that u can feel a deep pain the chest, Ive also had really good moments that would make me smile every time I bring those memories up, Ive come up to know that somethings I thought were pure fiction of a fairy tale can actually exist and they are for real, and Ive also come up to grow mature in a lot of things I thought I would never was gonna be able to.

I just can now look forward what's coming ahead

Im drowning......

this is like the fourth time I start writting this post but still doesnt feel right...have so many things in my mind I need to get out, but just cant...start typing and typing but, nothing seems to make sense...

so frustrating....having so much to say, but cant......fuck! :´(

hate this cube

these past few weeks have brought some very deep thinking moments, some decisions Im taking are not easy to be turn into action, having to fight with huge needs I have makes it double fight and its not easy, worst, doesnt seem to have any goal besides just stop feeling as bad as I feel right now.

stuck here at this damn cube. I'll keep thinking if Im not doing wrong again. having two options and both of them suck, none of them give me the feeling I want. but I guess, this time, what Im doing will leave someone else winning(¿?), at least that's what I like to think, would make it easier to actually know but, at this point, something Ive come to realize is that I'd never get to know that....
....right?

and its totally worth the update...a classmate remind me of some emails I had to check up on, and I thought on checking the web site again and guess what.....10...en logica!!!!!!!! totally brought a smile to my face...like if it was chocolate-mint flavor nota jajajjajaja so now that means, logica, ingles and TIC are safe, now just the other two, lots of reading and it sucks...but...its a 10!!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D

sweet memories ::: Tiff Lacey

I dont like this, when I have so many things inside my head trying to come out, but I just keep them to myself cause I have the feeling I just dont have to say them, when I want to do something but I just dont cause I have the feeling will be the wrong move...why messing up things if they are doing ok? but why I cant feel ok holding all that inside? to many things coming at once, thought had a lifesaver but I was wrong, learning to do it on my own, im tired but Im learning, I know I will do it once and for all.
and once again, having the feeling fate is taking care of what I dont have the guts to do, leaving tough decisions to the fate that has been left with the responsability of the choices made, hope, this time, again, Im not taking the wrong one, trying to "think first", Im weighting all the options and posibilities I have at hand, which honestly seem to be none, I still have the hope, at the end, something good will turn out of all the mess.