read and remember

sou, this coming weekend I have labs and homework...which means Ive been dong whatever comes to my mind...nah..been farming, I actually did a new arrangement so I can plant more seeds so I can get the house I want... mmm.. ( what a delusional parragraph alli..)

anyway...

so in order to keep procrastinating cause that´s what I know how to do best, I started checking my previous posts, and its funny (?) how things can change from one day to the other, just on the last couple of months, there are post saying how much life sucks and how much some people made my life really hard, then are some other saying how much life was great, that couldnt get any better,.,.,gran bsing ahi...

thing is, I was thinking, how sometimes we get overwhelmed by emotions, we get blind thinking what we are going through its the worst thing ever and that most likely we will not be able to survive...but then, comes a new day, comes a new post, that helps to remind us how what made life feel like hell on earth, is now gone, that we survived and that we had no idea what was yet to come; some really good things, and some bad ones, but at the end..we had survived.,.

so today, that was a very heavy and weird day, I will go back to my old post, read and remember how I felt we all were going to die, and go to sleep thinking on the good day that is waiting for me tomorrow ( and that we all are not going to die cause of a broken crayon...or 8 )

let the universe take the wheel...

You've been on an emotional roller coaster lately, and you've had all the fun you can stand. You may find yourself trying to figure out what's going to happen next. Just for the next couple of days, though, stop pushing. Let the universe take the wheel and see what happens. Along the way, you could end up feeling pretty darned good about yourself -- all because of someone who wants to see you as you really are.

~ mmm, no comments,.-.- guess yes, I should stop thinking and give some rest to some thoughts that keep bouncing inside my head, it might be time for the universe to take the wheel, and for me just to step aside and just watch,.,Im tired, Im just tired, trying to figure out things that are just totally out of my control.

nothing good or interesting for the last few days, been writting about the thoughts I got after a recent visit to the bank, but, damn, que weba

finally TIC homework is done and uploaded, working right now on the fisica homework, dont like this, but Im trying to finish that today so I can go out tomorrow. planning to have lunch with Liss, I really need that, have so long not talking with her, we need to catch up.

on monday starts the count, we´ll see if this time its for real, got 3 weeks....if we dont make it in 3 all this will be over. guess thats one of the things that has been making me feel so down lately,.,I just hope whatever happens, as HE told me once, "whatever happens its gonna be for the best",.,if not...we´ll see our faces back in 60 (right chepis?)

warning: I havent had a good night sleep for almost a week so this post might just not make any sense , you might want to skip it till the next one

Be open and don't judge. People who have differing opinions aren't less than you.

"See if you can inspire others with your righteous energy -- it may be somewhat tougher than usual, but those who do get it should light up like Christmas trees! A few of you working together can make a difference."

ok, I dont like today's horoscope, it sounds really inspiring, thinking I could be able to light up people like Christmas trees but, I dont think Ill be able to when Im feeling so down myself. my leg is still hurting, pretty much Im guessing is the whole stress of the parciales and having so many things to study with not enough time to do it, also having so many issues understanding; I really need help on this. ...hhhhhhmmmmmuuuuufffffff (((((suspiro))))) anyway....

I received a note back from the kid's teacher, at this point Im totally disappointed and have no idea what to do. she keeps sending notes complaining about the kid not working, how he doesnt follow instructions, that he keeps on messing his classmates books, etc, etc, etc...

so obviously I feel bad cause I wish my kid would be one of those kids the teachers love and they cant stop saying how awesome they are, [Im not saying my kid is not awesome, the only thing is that blind lazy bitch is not able to see on to such sky-rocking awesomeness] so, as Ive been living hell on earth trying to get the kid meet her standard I decided I was not gonna be giving away my life and his life just to have her happy, I decided my kid needed a different approach and that eventually we were going to meet the level he is supposed to be, we are all different and he might not work the same way or speed as the other kids. so after the switch I can tell, everything has improved, the times I consider leaving him on the corner with the free sign hanging from his neck have been reduce in a significant rate, we are able to do homeworks in a very very acceptable way ( I mean, this is my point of view, Im sending him to school to learn so what if he doesnt do that O as a perfect circle, I can tell its an O, isnt she supposed to teach him on how to do it? if we all were born knowing there would not be a point on having teachers [so you better give a second thought on all that complaining you bitch who Im paying her paycheck]

now, as she is in that small room with all those little devils dress up in uniforms, she is able to tell the difference between his work and the other kids work, but I just wonder, are all those other 34 kids doing such a perfect job that my kid's work is so offensive to her sensible eyes? I wonder cause I have no one else to compare, so for me its very acceptable, but again, he is my kid, even if he gets to kill someone I will first high-five him for a job well done, I will worry later regarding the whole moral issue.

so, I sent her a note, I tried to hold myself together and try to show me as a worried mother willing to help her to tame this lil creature sent from the darkest corners of hell, but aparently it sounded like I cant understand how come she cant see the brilliance in my kid and that she totally sucks cause the kid hates school. and she replied....ouh that bitch dare to reply...

...and at this point I have to be honest I wish there was someone else, right now is one of those moments when I understand the reason why family has two parental units, cause when one of them gets tired, the other one comes to the rescue, cause when one wants to describe that bitch all the awful ways she might die if she doesnt motivate that kid, the other one will come to have a mature conversation with her or will scare the living hell out of her, cause when one is way too drunk to get up from bed, the other one will be able to handle the hangover to at least go and check up on the kid, cause when one has the need to keep changing channels there will be someone else to complain about it....and now this post went way too long and I totally lost it..

....im so sleepy, Im still waiting my caffeine pill :s

....update....no caffeine pill....but coffee is doing its job :D

thinking out loud

wow...fighting was reduced in 90% and homework is now done...Im such a good mom...


I shouldn't be allowed to text while doped....just a thought....

Thinking out loud

how come such a tough call can bring such a good feeling?....

when pills are not what I need....

so, today its a holiday and I'm here stuck at work, what consumerism has done to me; good thing it was a soft day, bad part I was not able to do as much transfers as I wanted cause we were so few people in the morning that was going to show up a lot. so, as I had a few minutes in hand to do anything I was reviewing some of my personal notes, some kinda journal Ive been writing to keep a track on what's going on in my life, I have such a crappy memory that by now I don't even remember half of what happened during the weekend, and that has nothing to do with the beers I had at the beach, they did nothing but to get me sleepy and to get my mom with smoke getting out of her ears, that's always fun, specially cause they are sponsored by my dad and its not coming out of my pocket.
anyway, so I was reading that and realize its been almost a year that Ive been going back and forth on some decision making process, life can definitely change from one day to the other, and Ive notice how much Ive change, a lot of improvement Ide like to say, but some of the most important aspects in my life remain the same, I keep doing the same thing, making decisions that I will not be able to keep, being so weak to change my mind based on someone else's intervention, at this point Ive come to decide that if I could get a super power Id like to be a mind reader, that would make my life easier, period,., so this time trying to keep myself into the road Ive chosen so many times during this last year in my life, curiously what Ive decided that is supposed to make me feel better is making me feel really bad, it makes me wonder if I'm doing what I'm supposed to [ that sounds so lame ] anyway, I just hope something good will come out of all this.
things with the kid are not getting any better or worst, they are just there, I wish I could believe those people who tell me I'm a good mother, I cannot get my kid into follow instructions, its really hard when living with the master of knowledge and wisdom, who will always have the answer on how things must be done but for some mysterious reason he will keep that knowledge for his own but he will always be there available to criticize what I'm doing.
besides that, life's been doing good, that smile I see every night and that sleepy look telling me mamma I love you makes the whole day worth living, no matter how many fights and how much day could have sucked,.,that single moment, the fact of having someone who needs to grab my hand to fall asleep warms my heart and gives me the strength to go on one more day,,.,

Thinking out loud

what a bad mother I am, tomorrow is the kid's birthday and I forgot to buy his present :( SHAME.ON.ME

thinking out loud ...[singing I should say..]

gettin tired of livin, livin for a moment

getting tired of hanging on the line

I wake up every morning and I pull back the curtain

and wonder if it´s gonna rain or shine

gettin tired of thinkin, gettin so tired of begging

gettin tired of forgettin that there´s two of us

Im getting so tired of loving a man that just dont give a damn

just tell me, tell me baby why Im holding on

when your lovin´s long gone?

I got a good mind so why dont you tell me why

I cant say goodbye

just tell me baby why I´ve been holding on for so long?

and nothing but a miracle is gonna bring you back

bring you back to me now

I gotta get myself together

gotta stop telling myself that I can do no better

gotta go out and maybe start meeting some new people

I gotta go out and buy myself one of those little black dresses

cause Im so tired of this Tshirt

Im so tired of crying off all my make up

getting just so tired of waking up with a lonely heart

Im gettin so tired of giving a damn about an absent hearted man

just tell me, tell me baby why Im holding on

when your lovin´s long gone?

I got a good mind so why sont tell me why

I cant say goodbye

Diane Birch "nothing but a miracle"

its human condition.....

so, today talking with one of my friends he was telling me about this friend (girlfriend) he date yesterday, and, well, I didn't know that part till today he told me, this girl is married;[ leaving a side the till now chronic doubt I have about how come people can cheat over their couples, honestly I still don't get it but that will be another post], a thought came up to my mind cause, well, let me tell the whole story first, so the thing here is not that she is married, the thing is that she got married cause of my friend :S, weird, YES! so THAT was what got me thinking on this....why do we (women) tend to fucked up our lives that way? I mean, putting some of my own experience in the table....I wanted to get out of my house, I wanted live what I thought was gonna be a happy life on my own...I go ahead AND GET PREGNANT! WTF was going on in my mind back then, who knows, why on earth I just didn't leave the house..no...that was not gonna be fucked up enough...I had to get a baby...and my life has been fucked up since then...and now this girl...why she couldn't just go ahead and have another boyfriend, fuck with him 24\7 as a sweet revenge of this dude who hurted her so bad, .,noooo...she had to get married.....Ive always complain on how much men like to say we women are so complicated, and I like to say in our defense that men are also complicated [cause HEY! you guys are complicated too...that's just human condition], but at the end, looks like, yes we are all complicated but its only women condition to complicate our own life in a permanent state...

Thinking out loud

so....Im just gonna say...Im exhausted....been trying to write this post all morning but, just cant...

...thanks for listening and caring enough like to take the time to look up for a solution, you have no idea how much that helps, at this time when Im feeling so frustrated finding someone who is not turning his back at me has helped me more than what you can tell...

...we'll see how it goes today...

T O L...

sorry to fucked up such a date in such a dumbass and asshole way...mmm...definitely have no words...just wanna say...that ehhm..that so convenient reference to phone calls pretending be something ,.,Ill take it was totally not related to mines...anyway...ehmm...thanks for answering though...and...hope, I hope you still consider Im someone you count on ..cause Im totally not pretending...and...sorry for being such a pain in the ass and...ehmmm....just want you to know you are the most meanigfull and important person in my life [after the kid] and I really wished I would have done that phone call earlier asking you to come and gave you that hug Ive been planning for days now and...well...I hope you keep in mind all what I feel for you...I really hope you know that by now...

thinking out loud

why brothers have to be such an ass-hole 95% of the time!!!!!!!!!! I so hate this stupid selfish a-hole sometimes.....