ADD..and counting...

my kid is now 5 years old, he started going to school at age 3, currently he is in his 3rd school...since the beginning I was told he used to get distracted pretty easily, but, as a new mom, I thought it was just the fact of him being so young. last year at school was a real hassle, having his teacher complaining about him all the time, saying he doesnt care and gets distracted and bugs the other kids, the only thing I could think about was that his teacher was a bitch and I didnt see the time to have him out of that school.

from some time now, my mom has been telling me my kid has ADD, so I started searching on internet some of the symptoms of that disorder, kids get distracted, they would talk all the time, they would interrupt people when talking, they cant remain sitting when eating, etc, etc..

now, it was hard for me to determine if it was ADD or not, as I dont know any other kids to have as reference, so I couldnt tell up to which point it was normal behavior for a toddler or when it had turned to ADD.

the time he is not at school or at his karate classes he is alone at the house, and the TV is on all the time, even if he is not watching it he needs to have that background noise. so besides all those issues at school , doing homework was a huge fight every day, have to repeat instructions more than 3 times cause he would always forget what he was supposed to do, and he keeps doing things he has been told not to,, Ive got to the point to physical punishment ( Im ashamed I have to say more than once I lost it); we have just two days in the new school and already got a note from school, on monday he used a marker and draw lines all over his uniform tshirt and the couch...I couldnt take it anymore, and as off all the punishments I could think off have been used unsuccessfully, I thought on the only thing I have never touched for him...the TV, he has been without TV all week, needless to say he cried a lot.. A.LOT.

so this week it has been a tv-less week for both of us, but I must say, that thing was taking a lot of valuable time from us; Im ashamed I didnt want to acknowledge that, it was easier to just lay there watching cartoons than looking for something to try to get him distracted and entertained. overall I can tell it has been a good week, it even helped him with maths, he is well aware on how many days are left to be able to watch tv again. (so do I, miss to watch movies :$)

so, after witnessing how much TV was affecting my relationship with the kid and also his own development, I need to find a way to keep it away, cant make the restriction last forever. one option we have found is to let him watch tv just an hour a day and until I have come back from work so I can deal with the fight that we forecast will come when the hour is done.

but still looking for ways to help him out dealing with the ADD and reducing the TV time as much as possible, definitely, trying to deal with all these has been a lot easier now, and keeping myself in more control knowing what Im dealing with has helped a lot, also having someone to talk about this and telling me what I could be doing better takes a huge weight out of my shoulders(thanks honey!). now we read stories every night, and we are trying to follow a schedule as much as possible. gotta say, its taking a lot of work, Im so lazy and my kid has energy to illuminate a complete city for at least 2 days...but still, this week has been one of the best weeks Ive had in a long time, ( following my vacation week which was made memorable :$)

so at least for now, Im taking away the idea on having the kid on the corner outside with a sign "free or better offer"... I might even keep him ;)

times like these....

I never understood when my mom said she wished she could have her kids in a crystal box, to save us from anybody who could hurt us. I never understood till now that Im a mom myself.

I wish I could have my kid in a safe place, where nobody and nothing could hurt him. I had a talk with him today, that Ive been afraid was gonna happen at any point. Im guessing I will never be ready for these type of things, no matter how much I think ahead, and doesnt matter the smart answer I might have planned, facing the fact of my kid going through some uncomfortable situation, just makes my heart ache.

when his father and I split up, I always tried to had clear in my mind, one thing was that person as a husband and another one as a father. so I spent months beggin him to take the kid out, he always used as excuse he didnt have money. didnt matter how many options I tried to give him, options where he didnt have to spend money to be with his kid, he never did it. his family were the ones who constantly came to visit him and to take him out. so I gave up on the pushing for that, as time passed by the kid stopped calling him daddy and started calling him uncle. gotta be honest, I never got him out of his mistake, deep inside I was happy. and aparently his father never cared. so time went by...and the kid kept on calling him that way.

today he comes and tells me.,.,you know my uncle doesnt understands me when I call him, nor him or my grandparents. and Im all like -mm, but how? what do you mean they dont understand you?. .yes-he said,-Im say uncle J and they go like uh? what? who? who are u talking to?, and then uncle J comes and say call me daddy; so I asked the kid-ok, how do you wanna call him?. and the kid said-uncle J, but he doesnt understands.
when we got to this point of the conversation, he had a sad face. he just turned around and fell asleep.

first I felt bad, I have no idea what goes into my kids head. which is the idea he has about a father. I never hide him who his father is, but nor the kid or his father cared on getting closer, now; for no apparent reason that man has decided to get closer to the kid. And he expects the kid just to come and call him dad just cause he wants to, for me is just unacceptable. specially when I see is getting my kid uncomfortable.

I wish I could have a smart answer for my boy, I wish I could tell him, fine, just call him whatever he wants you to call him, I rather I could just get him away from that people; times like these just make me wish I would have been smarter in the past and never got involved with that person, at least, that I would have never had a kid with him. I can deal with the pain and frustration and anger that person drives out of everybody around him, but knowing that he will do that to my kid makes me sad, makes me wish so many awful things toward him...

..things that would make lil tiny baby Jesus into tears...

last day in the week of horror

yesterday was a really tough day. had the last exam, I should have read at least once, but I didnt do anything. at least I passed. I dont like that cause that means having to work harder for this one later on, but, damn, I was way too tired.
came back, had lunch with the family, they were supposed to go to this "place in the middle of nowhere" but I messed up, I told the kid he could go but he had so many homework, that at the end he had to stay home, he was really sad cause of that, I dont blame him. that was totally my fault. so we spent the rest of the afternoon fighting to have him read numbers and write them down. it took around 4 or 5 hours to complete the whole homework. we were exhausted.

got to watch a movie I love, unfortunately its been really rare that I get to see it since the beginning. but I always get the same feeling when I get to the last part, when she is crying cause she thinks she lost him cause she was to coward to talk to him and the damn cat scares her cause she is daydreaming he is coming to the kitchen, and then when she runs to catch him but he is about to ring the door bell.....I havent found it with the subtitle to download it yet, but Ill find it someday.
and then we decided to do a tv series marathon, as if we didnt need to rest at all...I had watch it already, it was really really good, but it really changed when shared, I had a really good time and slept like a baby the next 3 hours :P, thanks for sharing, I know Ive been pushing for that, I finally got you to watch it :D
now Im really sleepy, but just got a chocolate :D that will wake me up, have to go pay college, and English exam...eeeewww...hate to walk...

*-*-*-

just came back, did the payment, it was a good move to wait till today cause there was nobody there, I even got to pick up the forms for the English exam, when walking to pick up the forms I saw the Tahoe again, I love it! I was gonna take a picture of it when coming back but was gone already :( so Ill have to wait, Ill be so harassing that tahoe from now on jajajaja

warning: I havent had a good night sleep for almost a week so this post might just not make any sense , you might want to skip it till the next one

Be open and don't judge. People who have differing opinions aren't less than you.

"See if you can inspire others with your righteous energy -- it may be somewhat tougher than usual, but those who do get it should light up like Christmas trees! A few of you working together can make a difference."

ok, I dont like today's horoscope, it sounds really inspiring, thinking I could be able to light up people like Christmas trees but, I dont think Ill be able to when Im feeling so down myself. my leg is still hurting, pretty much Im guessing is the whole stress of the parciales and having so many things to study with not enough time to do it, also having so many issues understanding; I really need help on this. ...hhhhhhmmmmmuuuuufffffff (((((suspiro))))) anyway....

I received a note back from the kid's teacher, at this point Im totally disappointed and have no idea what to do. she keeps sending notes complaining about the kid not working, how he doesnt follow instructions, that he keeps on messing his classmates books, etc, etc, etc...

so obviously I feel bad cause I wish my kid would be one of those kids the teachers love and they cant stop saying how awesome they are, [Im not saying my kid is not awesome, the only thing is that blind lazy bitch is not able to see on to such sky-rocking awesomeness] so, as Ive been living hell on earth trying to get the kid meet her standard I decided I was not gonna be giving away my life and his life just to have her happy, I decided my kid needed a different approach and that eventually we were going to meet the level he is supposed to be, we are all different and he might not work the same way or speed as the other kids. so after the switch I can tell, everything has improved, the times I consider leaving him on the corner with the free sign hanging from his neck have been reduce in a significant rate, we are able to do homeworks in a very very acceptable way ( I mean, this is my point of view, Im sending him to school to learn so what if he doesnt do that O as a perfect circle, I can tell its an O, isnt she supposed to teach him on how to do it? if we all were born knowing there would not be a point on having teachers [so you better give a second thought on all that complaining you bitch who Im paying her paycheck]

now, as she is in that small room with all those little devils dress up in uniforms, she is able to tell the difference between his work and the other kids work, but I just wonder, are all those other 34 kids doing such a perfect job that my kid's work is so offensive to her sensible eyes? I wonder cause I have no one else to compare, so for me its very acceptable, but again, he is my kid, even if he gets to kill someone I will first high-five him for a job well done, I will worry later regarding the whole moral issue.

so, I sent her a note, I tried to hold myself together and try to show me as a worried mother willing to help her to tame this lil creature sent from the darkest corners of hell, but aparently it sounded like I cant understand how come she cant see the brilliance in my kid and that she totally sucks cause the kid hates school. and she replied....ouh that bitch dare to reply...

...and at this point I have to be honest I wish there was someone else, right now is one of those moments when I understand the reason why family has two parental units, cause when one of them gets tired, the other one comes to the rescue, cause when one wants to describe that bitch all the awful ways she might die if she doesnt motivate that kid, the other one will come to have a mature conversation with her or will scare the living hell out of her, cause when one is way too drunk to get up from bed, the other one will be able to handle the hangover to at least go and check up on the kid, cause when one has the need to keep changing channels there will be someone else to complain about it....and now this post went way too long and I totally lost it..

....im so sleepy, Im still waiting my caffeine pill :s

....update....no caffeine pill....but coffee is doing its job :D

enjoying calm after the storm

souh,., the whole kid's teacher thing was really annoying, I guess I was in denial thinking it was her being lazy not wanting to do extra work with my kid just cause all the other kids in the room are a bunch of pussies who have no will of their own.

anyway, I started to get worry when all of a sudden my son seemed to have a menopausal grumpy woman trapped inside, he was just not willing to do any homework at all, it didn't matter how much I threat with taking away his toys, leaving him with no tv for the rest of his life or just to leave him in the corner with a FREE sign hanging on his neck.

and I just collapsed...it didn't happen all of sudden, it was a slow process and very painful, I noticed when I started calling my friend crying cause I couldn't take it anymore, crying alone everytime I saw homework pending, and we reached bottom a week ago when I thought just on walking away and leave everything and got my mom upset with me, that day that I thought life couldnt get any worst...and I cried cause I thought I was not gonna make it.

I spent my time searching every article I could find regarding helping a 5 year old doing homework,., Im not gonna say I indeed applied the things that I found, but they gave me some reference on the things Ive been doing so wrong.
so, last week he missed some classes cause he was kinda sick and he went back on saturday, so he was around 3 days behind in all his work, I was about to pass out when I saw so many work pending. but we got it done by sunday morning...I was AMAZED...Im not gonna lie, was not easy, but it was what I think a normal level of unwillingness. yesterday I got home a lil bit late than usual, and he had a lot of work again, and it was just the most amazing experience ever, we made jokes, I had to be sitting next to him all the time, but we got almost everything done, and the work done was just perfect, we couldnt finish cause it was too late, there was a lot of work and he was about to start crying, he just wanted to sleep, I refused to push him anymore and we got to the agreement he would wake up earlier the next day to finish the work, he just said yes and fell asleep immediately.

two things about the whole experience got me really shock...first, the fact that he was working SO DAMN GOOD, Ive always known he can do a good job but that coloring....those numbers....it was just glowing in awesomeness....and when I told him how wonderful his work was he goes and says...mommy is just I dont want you to get upset with me, so that's why I work.
my heart broke at that point, had to hold myself together to not start crying right there, cant believe how much pressure Ive been putting in to those lil shoulders that the only thing that motivates him to work is not getting me upset.

that was hard, but I realize how setting up a real goal helped so much, I was not gonna keep on fighting to match the teacher's criteria, I understand my kid has his own speed of learning and his own way of doing things...so now Im not focusing on the side he chooses to start drawing the circle as long as he does it and get it done right.

sorry baby Im learning how to be a mom with you...I wish I knew how to do everything right from start...thanks for loving me so much.

thinking out loud

wow...fighting was reduced in 90% and homework is now done...Im such a good mom...


I shouldn't be allowed to text while doped....just a thought....