meeting ADHD

and well... its not that ive been avoiding to talk about this, its just I havent found the proper aproach for it.

since last year, my kid and I, have been getting constant feedback, (bad feedback) from his teachers at school. to the point that I would just avoid talking to his teacher at the previous school, for me that was just the worst bitch-on-earth; now in the new school, having basically the same problems, it was a hard punch to my pride having to accept the fact, it was not that bitch´s problem, but my kid was actually having problems.

then I went through the denial period again, now this time was not the teacher´s fault but my kid just not accepting life as it is. I tried, I punished, I yelled, I cried, I broke... I did every thing I can imagine ( and some I hope nobody would ever go through) to get the kid behave.. but the problem just got worst and worst.

now, the kid has been diagnose with ADHD, been trying to do as much reading as I can; and it has been just heart-breaker. Reading those long lists describing behaviors of ADHD kids, answering quizzes where my kid has 8 out of 10 ADD symptoms.

by now I just feel like the a really bad mom.

reading a website Ive found about ADD, I find how things I thought were helping him, were actually causing more problems, it has been a really painful experience to realize how bad Ive been making my lil kid feel all this time, asking him... not, let me rephrase that... DEMANDING him to behave and remember and do things that his brain was just not allowing him to do,, listening his conversations with my mom where he says " I know I dont have to do that, I just dont know how to stop it"
It is one of the biggest pains Ive gone through, knowing my kid has this problem and I havent been there to help him, that he was sending signals that something was wrong and I was not able to see them.

we should be starting treatment pretty soon, so far we are still testing and confirming the diagnostic, Im worry as so many people talk so many bad things about the use of meds on kids, Im scared Im gonna do something that in the long run its gonna fire back.

in the meantime I just keep reading, trying to educate myself more and more about it, so now I will be there for him and I will be able to know how to help him.

it is really hard, as not everybody understands what Im going through, everybody has an opinion and everybody seems to think they are right, its been refreshing to find something structure to rely on to, this appointment my mom made to the neurologist has been by far the best decision we have made in a long time.

catching up

last week of training, and as time is passing by I keep thinking and thinking about how is it going to be.
Ive taken this change the best way I can. Deep inside I guess I was begging for this , so I should be ok with it, this is the fresh new start I needed. leaving behind the burden of 4 years of no accomplished metrics; somehow though, I feel this huge weight on my shoulders, weight Ive been putting on top of myself trying to accomplish now all the things I didnt do before either due laziness or stupidity... pressure to be an L2 in less than 2 months, pressure to get my college degree in 5 years, pressure to be a good mom, pressure to be the best person I can... it´s not that I feel its too much... I know I can do it.. but... how good will I do all of that at once? maybe Im just thinking way too much as usual.

so by now, just trying to get one day at a time, enjoy the few minutes of peace I can get with the kid, enjoy the time with the leading man, and just daydream with the idea that finally Ill get what I need and deserve after so much work.

birthday is coming, building new memories, bad things have been left behind, its good that now I can think about my birthday as a good thing not as a reminder of bad moments. just wish the time would stop and I could catch up with all the things I dreamed I would have had accomplished by this time, guess we will just have to wait, deadline was in 2 years.... 2 years...., cielos, so many things can happen in 2 years!

today I saw the most romantic sweet moment ever, everyday, there´s this lady selling roses right outside the door of the gym were my kid goes to his karate classes, so we were coming out after the class, the kid was walking right in front of my mom and I came right behind both of them, so the kid saw this white rose on the floor and immediately got down grabbed it and handled it to me, I had to tell him to give it back cause we thought the lady had drop it. but I gotta say that was so damn sweet of him, even though he didnt get to give it to me Ill remember that rose as the most beautiful rose ever ~.~

love relationships, cientific facts

so there's this scientific proof that the basis of our reproduction is being driven by 3 aspects, which would be: lust, romantic attraction and attachment.
now lust is given basically by the sex hormones, like testosterone and estrogen that makes us want to have sex with one person, romantic attraction driven by the desire system and its fed by the dopamine and that makes us love a person and there's attachment that is given by some other hormones and another portion in the brain and that makes us want to have a long term bound with someone. all that for me it is so interesting, how the brain works on developing all those different emotions.

now, the down side of all that is...that all those systems are in different parts of the brain, so each of those functions, lust, romantic attraction and attachment do not work together, so people may want to have sex with one person, feel in love with some else but wanting to have a long relationship with a third one.

I just hope to take over all your brain so all those functions would be focus on me ;D

nunca jamas!..ni en el mas ever de los ever...

today I started my training, two weeks training, 4 hours a day,.,I was literally falling asleep, worst thing is, Im the only girl, and we are just like 10 there, so if I fall asleep definitely someone will notice, being that someone, the trainer :s
I have two labs tomorrow, one of them math, and as I haven't touch anything at all, its giving me a lot of issues, then fisica lab, that one will be interesting,.,

came home today, did homework with the kid, then we had dinner and talked, its interesting how things change and we dont even notice, he has started to share a lot more, I try to talk to him about my job, and he makes questions about it, its funny to hear him, realizing how he sees the world, he has always had a very extended vocabulary, guess that´s makes it funny too, to see him so young but asking so serious things, but at the same time he comes up with so many funny stories...Ive received some offers to do an exchange, (like if someone has been reading this Oo!), and I said, JAMAS! definitely this kid makes me so freaking upset, and not him but the whole situation of having to be responsible for someone else´s life sometimes just feels like way too much, but no matter how hard he can manage to turn things, I would never change him JAMAS, NUNCA JAMAS!! (but just in case come try again when we are doing homework :P)

guess I should keep on working in my homework, busy day waiting tomorrow....

stubborness 101

"Don't be too critical of somebody. Sure they could do it better. But they're trying.

Someone close to you needs to distance themselves -- but it's almost certainly temporary! Everyone needs space sometimes, and if you set them free, they're almost sure to return to you soon."

~ que tal eso? como no! guess mm, I dont know, Im just gonna keep trying to get some things out of my mind as Ive been doing for the last weeks, gotta say, honestly, some comments made today didnt help at all, but, nothing I can do, I wont get you out of your spot, plus, old self-protection habits are kinda hard to remove, BUT Im planning, getting in action plan to understand this is totally unnecessary ASAP has to make the job. just an old habit of mine, knowing the WHY´s of everything, annoying?..maybe, at least for some people looks like it is :$

anyway....

only thing I would say is, now more than ever I can tell...

KARMA IS SUCH A BITCH!

look who's growing up...

Have you investigated every avenue? There's an opportunity you're missing today.

It's the best time for you to get started on a creative project of some kind -- maybe a new artistic direction, or maybe a whirlwind of home improvement. Your good energy is directed outward.

~ (nothing to say -.-)

and truth is, I was feeling so damn angry,.,one of those angry moments that just makes me wanna cry. I manage to keep my shit together and choose to go to lunch to do some thinking. smoked my anger and came back. as my horoscope says...I have to do some searching, check my options...so Im just evaluating the situation, definitely Im not in a position to come with one of my usual reactions, got many bills to pay and a kid to send to school, time to bite my tongue, shut up and look for a way to get myself in a better situation. [ damn,., cant believe that came out of me, look who's growing up...]

It's tough getting older

"Sometimes to get yourself together, you have to allow yourself to go to pieces first. Sounds puzzling? Well, it can be. If the solution or the root of a problem has been eluding you, it's time to dismantle all the parts that make up the whole and examine each of them separately before you try to build some kind of coalition or solution. That way, you can identify where the issue is and really fix things, as opposed to applying merely a temporary solution"

damn horoscope!-pretty much this is what Ive been trying to do for the past few weeks, each and every inconvenience Ive had had with each and everyone around me; hasnt been easy, leaving selfishness aside and having to say, "yes, I fucked up. Im sorry" is not easy.

Ive allowed myself to go to pieces first, and yes, gotta say, that has been the only way to get myself together to find the road Im supposed to be. Its taking hard work, some things are doing better than others, some are easier than others, some others just look still in a total chaos, but I can tell, Im on my way. It would be a lot of help knowing what people have on their minds, but guess there are things we have to leave to time. only time will tell what the outcome will be. Guess right now, some wounds havent heal yet, at least not enough to allow to forget the pain and continue living.

today was a good day, been craving Chinese food for days, and got to have some today (really good one btw), and got the movies I was wishing for my movie night :D

just missing my chocolate-mint ice cream..but we will leave that for some other good day :D

and as my life is an ongoing soundtrack...

Back to Basics

after giving a lot of thought I decided Im gonna post this, just to be able to read it back when Im 80 and decided to review what was gonig on with my life back in august 2009.

Ive been in some kind of relationship [actually describing it that way is too much but, Ill leave that way ] for the last 10 months, and last night I decided to call it over for me, why for me? cause I was the one thinking there was something going on, he was just...I dont know, he knows, I Dont.

a couple of months ago, while I was doing my daily review [smoking] in the backyard, I thought on how much I would like my kid to grow up just like him..and that, right there, that simple thought made me realize what was going on in my mind...

I fell in love...

and that right there, scared the living shit out of me....

why? Im guessing it was just cause I dont wanna get hurt, falling in love leaves you there, on the spot, totally unprotected; and the possibility of getting hurt was a lot higher this time cause of how things have been going on. things were not handle the right way, doing things really fast at the beggining, trying to slow down later on, each one thinking things on their own corners but not sharing any of that.
this person has helped me so much, he made me improve in each and every aspect of my life, and I cant thank that enough. and as I recognize him as the mature rational half, I thought that what he wants must be the best thing to do. so we are going back to basics. I know I might fail from time to time, but trust me Im doing the best I cant. I just cant afford to loose someone so important in my life, you still have a lot of things to teach me.

as a first payment, I left the url available, you can thank me later.

ps. ok I just saw it, dayum, that is so unfair taking an url to be left untouched since 2002. then. you´ll have to do all the teaching for free as it has been so far :P

future had never look so handsome :D !

today's quickie...

"You have solid footing in your life now and a good sense of where you want to go."

its been years since I dont check a horoscope, I used to do that when I was at college and had nothing else to do [ which translates to : had a lot of things to study but I had an urge to procrastinate them ] and last night I checked it again [ what a coincidence to be checking that stuff now that Im back in college...procrastination issues I guess ] I found it funny when I read it last night cause somehow describes what's going on in my mind.
the one from today deserved a double triple wow...cause that is how I feel. Im living that calm after the storm, that moment of peace after so many things that have been going on in my life; sad, bad, painful, hurting, upsetting things; but are exactly all those things that took me here, where Im standing right now. Ive learn how to deal with a lot of things that thought I was never gonna be able to, learning to let go, learning to be patient, learning the how and when to say things, learning that not everything has to do with me, and that somethings are just out of my control.
I feel happy and full of hope, I know more storms are coming my way, but I know something good will come along; future had never look so handsome :D

just let me know plz

after this weekend Iv been left really tired, have a lot of things to study from fisica and mate, doing so many exercises makes me sleepy, just wanna get home and get some rest.
sunday was really good, family is in good mood right now, spend the afternoon with my mom, had some coffee and did some talking, Im definitely learning to know what to say and how to say it, its kinda exhausting but I know its gonna pay off, hope that at some point it will just cme out right instead of consciously taking care of it.
life is being kind right now, thought things were gonna get really ugly but at the end everything is looking good.

Im trying not to give so much thought on some important things right now, I know some talks should be made but, the feeling of being the one pushing doesnt make me comfortable, definitely some mind reading would come handy but as unfortunately havent developed that skill I will have to wait or...Ill have to wait, dunno,.,too many things going on right now maybe is just not the time.

looking forward the day at the beach, working on vacation has to pay off someday...

:::waiting on an angel-Ben Harper:::

Waiting on an angel

one to carry me home

hope you come to see me soon

cause I don't want to go alone

I don't want to go alone

Now angel won't you come by me

angel hear my plea

take my hand lift me up

so that I can fly with thee

so that I can fly with thee

And I'm waiting on an angel

and I know it won't be long

to find myself a resting place

in my angel's arms

in my angel's arms

:::Goo goo dolls-before its too late:::

...so live like you mean it
live till you feel it
its all that we need in our lives...

I seem to be doing better of all this sickness thing, the kid got me a lil scared cause he had fever since yesterday afternoon and through the night he stayed at an average of 38º, though today he´s been doing really good.

happy birthday to my mom, sorry mom, you couldnt get away of my "mess up birthday" curse I seem to have this year, dunno why´s that and I certainly wished it wouldnt have happened with you, but damn, you do make it easy young lady. anyway, hope you find some fun in the middle of such darkness.

Im still in the search of some ways to deal with the kid, trying not to stress and to find some patient where I know I dont have any, but, gotta deal with it, there´s no other way.

everything else...dunno, just holding on I guess, for the first time ever I seem to be dealing pretty much good on it, [yeah right!] weird cause I know it has made me feel down really really bad but at the same time I just hope at the end its the best thing to do,., this is just one of those things that make me wish I could see the future to know if Im right or wrong...just time will tell I guess

:::Ben Harper-Forever::: [..and some updates in the weekend of sickness]

thought I was gonna be doing better by today but no, it was hard to sleep last night and the kid woke me up early today. my throat hurts a lot and Im having issues to breath again.
and as I been with so much iddle time in my hand Ive been using it wisely and Ive been downloading all the Ben Harper albums I was able to find. Now Ive been stuck with this song, hope you like it too...

I have so many things in my mind to write about here but...damn..Im not feeling good, no will at all to do anything, I fell down today and I hurted my left foot its hurting like hell right now, definitely not a right time to get inspiration, nothing good will come out and as someone said, "if you have nothing good to say, you better say nothing at all"

do you believe in love?

"marriage is like a business transaction"

that was told to me by a customer a few days ago,
after he has called me and my coworkers "idiots" and I told him he better calm down or I would have to release the call and he will be condemned to an endless life full of misery, regret,sorrow and a nonworking tv tuner.

at the end he choose redemption....that one, I gotta say has been so far the most accurate description of what I think marriage is.

so after an hour of troubleshooting and while I was just chatting and loosing time listening to him talking about kids and all the thousands of reasons why he thinks I must have another kid [NOT!!!] asking why I was not married and why I still don't have a boyfriend and where the fuck is the irresponsible airhead stupid ass-hole father of my kid [I swear those are his exact words ;D] he goes and ask....

"Do you believe in love?"

at this point it felt like someone paused all type of activity around me, not even air was allowed to move, I realize that when I started choking, my brain just freeze and I started mumbling, and as if my life depended on that, images of my past and present relationships started to flash in my mind in a desperate seek of an answer, weird images like a Frank Miller movie style, ...then he says ...

"yes...that's the big main question...Do you believe in love?"

I didn't know what to say, I was not able to answer, I just said...what is love? do you know what that is? and I felt like if I had tricked fate in the smartest way a human being can do it, still cant believe why I got so worried about that question coming from someone who just called me idiot, has got married 3 times and thinks this is not the last one and thinks fairy tales are true....

anyway, we end up the call but I was left thinking about that, and Ive been ever since...Do I believe in love? I used to think I did, I used to think it does exist...I used to...

once my dad told me...love doesn't last forever, it dies eventually, so apparently at the end, marriage it is after all a business transaction, you need to look for the best partner, thinking about those things that will help you in the long term, like having someone you love talking with, someone who will know when to leave you alone, someone who will know when to hug you even if you don't hug him back, someone who will trust you, someone who will be your best friend, someone who thinks you are the first person he needs to talk with when something good happens, someone who thinks you are the only one who will comfort him when something bad happens, someone who's voice never gets you bored, someone you need to have around even in those hot bored days when there's absolutely nothing to say or do, someone who will get all your nonsense..

and I know I still haven't answer ..do I believe...?

once upon a time I did, then I didn't, right now, as my life is at this exact moment that I'm sitting in front of my work computer waiting for this dumb customer to open her system I can tell....I DON'T KNOW...I know Im going through some transition stage right now, I can definitely tell that, if this is growing up damn, it hurts. I know I have deep strong feelings that have root deep inside my soul to places I didnt even know I had, at this point I dont know what it is, I do know it has scared the living shit out of me, I found out that one night while reviewing my day at the backyard, is that love? if it is..well...we will leave that whole story on how I realize I was so scared for another post cause this one is just way too long....

what about you? do you believe in love?

when pills are not what I need....

so, today its a holiday and I'm here stuck at work, what consumerism has done to me; good thing it was a soft day, bad part I was not able to do as much transfers as I wanted cause we were so few people in the morning that was going to show up a lot. so, as I had a few minutes in hand to do anything I was reviewing some of my personal notes, some kinda journal Ive been writing to keep a track on what's going on in my life, I have such a crappy memory that by now I don't even remember half of what happened during the weekend, and that has nothing to do with the beers I had at the beach, they did nothing but to get me sleepy and to get my mom with smoke getting out of her ears, that's always fun, specially cause they are sponsored by my dad and its not coming out of my pocket.
anyway, so I was reading that and realize its been almost a year that Ive been going back and forth on some decision making process, life can definitely change from one day to the other, and Ive notice how much Ive change, a lot of improvement Ide like to say, but some of the most important aspects in my life remain the same, I keep doing the same thing, making decisions that I will not be able to keep, being so weak to change my mind based on someone else's intervention, at this point Ive come to decide that if I could get a super power Id like to be a mind reader, that would make my life easier, period,., so this time trying to keep myself into the road Ive chosen so many times during this last year in my life, curiously what Ive decided that is supposed to make me feel better is making me feel really bad, it makes me wonder if I'm doing what I'm supposed to [ that sounds so lame ] anyway, I just hope something good will come out of all this.
things with the kid are not getting any better or worst, they are just there, I wish I could believe those people who tell me I'm a good mother, I cannot get my kid into follow instructions, its really hard when living with the master of knowledge and wisdom, who will always have the answer on how things must be done but for some mysterious reason he will keep that knowledge for his own but he will always be there available to criticize what I'm doing.
besides that, life's been doing good, that smile I see every night and that sleepy look telling me mamma I love you makes the whole day worth living, no matter how many fights and how much day could have sucked,.,that single moment, the fact of having someone who needs to grab my hand to fall asleep warms my heart and gives me the strength to go on one more day,,.,

and the kid needs a therapist

..so on friday I was called to a meeting by my kid's teacher..again...so I went today to hear what she had to say, so basically things we can say are going the same, the kid still doesnt want to work, doesnt follow instructions, is unable to have his breakfast in a decent manner...but the main problem showing up right now is..that basically he DOESNT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE WORLD!,.,so her teacher advise to take the kid to a therapist to check what's giving the problem, as she said, its normal for a kid to be a lil bit distracted but not to get to his I-dont-give-a-fuck type of level, she states he doesnt care if his team is loosing when they are playing games, as well as he doesnt care if she threatens on giving him a 0 in his work, he just couldnt care less.
so, at this point I feel totally frustrated and responsable for his IDGAF state of mind, I know, I can be myself that way ;who knows, maybe most of the time, but I never expected the kid to get that attached into his mind that way, that soon. worst thing is, that I dont spend time with him as much as I would like, or as much as it seems to be needed. and at this point I feel totally lost and have absolutly no clue whatsoever on what the hell to do with him.
Ive tried to teach him, and honestly thought I had succesfully, what responsability means and how we all have duties that have to be performed no matter the age or who we are, I tried to made him understand how I work to get money to buy his stuff, how his "work" is to go to school and study and follow his teacher's instructions.
but, yes, Ive noticed, lately he has been behaving worst, Ive never gone with the timeout thing cause he will basically just stand up and I would have to put him back in time out so the time out would get extended basicaly for the whole day. so Ive gone through all the disciplinary ways I can come up with or that I have found over the internet, by now, Im tired, frustrated and the kid seems to be getting worst.
one thing I need to set up clear here, cause by reading back what Im writting seems to give a really bad image of my kid, Id say, he behaves good, he is a good kid, he plays with his friends, he doesnt get in fights, he is not definitely the bully type of kid, he is in fact very calm, he likes, actually he loves talking...that one is for real..he will never..but..NEVER..shut up, he will stay there watching tv, or playing with his car, you wont even notice he is there, its just this basic things he is failing..like...yes he does his homework, but I have to be sitting next to him, pushing him to do it, he will do it wrong, just cause he can, sometimes feels he does that just to bother me, so after erasing and redoing the traces for like 4-5 times he will finally give up and do it how is supposed to, cause, he can. and well, the teacher complains about him not following her rules, not paying attention, not sitting while having his breakfast, but...damn...he is not like that at home, he will have his meals on his own most of the time, I just need to be checking up on him every once in a while to make sure he is actually eating, so in this case I have no idea how to work on this, if he seems to be a total different kid, the home-kid is really cool, the school-kid is something else.
someone suggested me quitting my job to spend more time with him, which by the size of my bills Id say is totally out of question, the other option is to take him to a therapist, and as the problems on kids, specially his age, seems to be just a mirror of his parents problems, Ill be going to a therapist, actually today, my mom got me one, so we will see, how messed up I am that Im messing up my kid.

giving life for granted

Ive always heard some people say,., like..old people saying..."ouh youth..they think they´ll never die..they think they are invincible..", Ive always think that´s not true...been dealing with dead in some way or another in the recent past, Ive come up to realize maybe that is true.
thinking we still have time, so many things are left aside thinking...Ill do it later...
Its hard when you loose someone from one day to the other, we give people and life for granted, thinking, my kid knows I love him, my family know I love them, my friends know what they mean for me....thing is...that later...we regret...that hug that was not given cause we didnt have a second to spend on that cause we were late to work, that conversation we never had cause we had so many other things to do that we thought...Ill do it later...

I just hope I wont forget this feeling I have right now...and that nobody else will have to died to remind me about this....

Rodri...I love you with all my heart, you have no idea what getting you in my life has meant, I know sometimes its too much weight being put on your shoulders, helping mamma to grow up is not easy thing, but I love you for that, for forgiving all my mistakes, for always welcoming me with a huge hug and tons of kisses and never complaining cause Im coming home late....you are the best son I could ever have...

my brother and sister...even though you two can for real be the worst pain in the ass ever....and specially you dude can really but like REALLY piss me off....well, I know I count with you two, and that you sis are able to go get a fist fight cause of my kid, or that you dude will be willing to take care of my kid while Im at college...eehhmmm...well....love u both...and..well...ya grow up for Christ sake and leave the pc alone just for me :P jajajajajaja

my parents...ok...so this one is kinda hard...our relationship has been changing so much, totally not what I knew for the first 20 years of my life...thanks for all the psicological mess and dependency you generated in me...and also for such a low selfesteem that lead to get involved with such a retard in my past life, realizing about this has definitely helped me out in this part of my life, it has giving me something else to work on, as if life is not enough complicated...but...I cant deny, you two support me, in your own way, its funny how in some way Ive turned out to act as the mom instead of the daughter, more often than what Id should but, well, sorry I dissapointed you in so many ways, definitely communication has never been the strongest characteristic between us, good thing is, that thanks to all that, Im trying to raise a more independent kid with a selfesteem high enough to say, "soy apuesto" with no hesitation at all :P, cant say anything about the psicological mess cause...well, its part of our job as a parent to mess up with our kids mind, if not then we would be aunts or uncles. but, besides all that, you´ve teach me responsability (I just added my touch with the procastination thing but..hey...I always do what I have to do...and I do it good), be on time, respect for others, compasion, and so many other things...but, main thing...I love you both...no matter how messed up you two are :P jajajaja

...I can tell I have lived two different lives, (if I were a cat Id say I only have 5 remaining...but eeeewwwwww Ill never be a cat...Im definitely a bird) the first one, me, totally lost and not giving a flying f*ck about anything, I was basically just...living...the second life...started 5 years ago...having to raise myself to come up more independent, teaching myself and helping me to find the north I havent found yet, looking out for this life that was giving to me, and fighting to be best someway or another; one day at a time, learning from the people I have around, I know, I have so many things to learn yet, so many things to change,.,Im still not even half of what I want to be, but I can tell...if I died today that hopefully Im going to the beach...Ill died with peace in my mind, cause Im doing what I wanted, cause Im working on getting the best for my kid, cause Im doing those lil steps that will take me to my goal...Im not settling for anything...ever again....

10 days and counting

so...10 days so far [maybe a lil more] ...and I can tell...they have been the worst days ever, I was supposed to wait till friday but last night I was freaking out so badly that I decided I will take care of this tomorrow..cant wait any longer. been trying to sell myself the idea everything will be ok and all the reasons why I KNOW everything will be fine but somehow I keep streesing, and stressing gets things worst and as it gets worst I stress even more and so on and so on..

my sleeping issues are getting worst, Im sleepy all day; falling sleep at my cube at all times, Im also sleepy at night but for some reason I cant sleep...I need my sleeping pills so bad and also to stop thinking so many useless things...

so many things to do tomorrow, mm...just wondering if I should be going through all this alone...just a thought...

so naive...

so...I was blogging as I do everyday to start my day at work and found a post where she shows a video about a girl being touch while walking in the so feared "vietnam" in our colorful stadium....embarrassing...
I've never consider myself a feminist, but I do think we deserve more respect, I'm tired of that image of the women belonging just to the house, serving to men with such a submissive attitude...nah...that's not for me...
maybe that's why I have never fit in my family gatherings...so this is what always happens...they get to the place of the meeting you'll see the same thing happening...men will go straight to the dining room or the living room meanwhile...women will go straight to the kitchen to get them something to eat, to wait there and cook any crave they might have...to then wash the dishes and start cooking any kind of dessert and coffee, while they go take a nap....
so that was (is) how my (mom's) family behaves...so been witnessing such an unacceptable behavior I decided I was not gonna be that way...
not gonna lie...during the short time I was living with my kid's father, I found very fulfilling the experience of cooking some dinner and watching him eat it all and even asking for more, knowing I was doing something he liked and he enjoyed, I didn't found or felt that...like the classic machismo...why? cause he used to do things like that too...was not only me cooking but there were some night he used to cook dinner...as a matter of fact, most of the weekends he was the one in charge of breakfast letting me get a few minutes more to sleep; so I guess pretty much that's what I'm talking about, things gotta be a two way road...you give and you receive...no body is above the other one...no one is better than the other one....and I guess was not this what I was talking about...but kinda...
so thing is, I wonder..why men cant show up some respect for women on the street, yes, I understand and I accept, there are some girls who their clothes seems to shout "please feel free to touch me and stick up your hand wherever u want" sad...but...in the other hand, there are a lot (which turns out to be the most) women who are not going through life looking for attention, they are just out there..living..working...studying...and besides doing all that we have to be worrying on taking care of our anatomy cause some stupid looser will feel with the right on touching us just cause he feels like doing it...sad but true...and now having a proof of such low on moral values behavior broadcasted up there all over the internet...makes me feel so embarrassed and sad...I wonder how would any of those two stupid jerks feel if instead of being that poor girl...it was their mom or their sister going through that situation...I bet they would get so pissed off...why they don´t think twice before doing it???
and as naive as apparently I am all the time, I hope, that this new generation of women, standing up for their right of not to be touch and not hearing any kind of degrading comment towards them will rise kids showing them to respect women, at least that's my part...now that I think about it...it feels cool, knowing I'm doing something good for humanity,.,rising a kid that will respect women in the future :D

a comment totally outside what I´ve been talking up here…looking for a song I heard in one of my ways back home, I founded the most cheesy-i-est song ever!!!! it brought up to my mind a story I havent told here…maybe I had but not in detail…but mñe…this post is already way too long like to start that other one…we´ll leave that one for a future post…

but looks like I actually did...[part II]

and waiting for a call end up being more boring than finishing the post so here it is....my second part of my novela archive.....

Sentimientos Ajenos (1996).,.,.nice story, I just remember this one cause of Carlos Ponce ;D

La Usurpadora (1998)...that was a good one, I liked the bad sister better jajajaj

Cafe con aroma de mujer (1998 ?), I loved this one, Ive been looking to download it, the story got so long I got bored, they played it in tv like 3 times and the 3 times I missed the same episodes, it got a point the story got to mess up I got bored, but in general was really really good, I like twe soundtrack, I memorized them...all of them....I still have it :P

yo soy, Betty la fea (1998 ?), that was a good one two...but the original one, the colombian version, all the other ones suck

La Mentira (1998), I guess this was the only one I saw from start to finish and didnt miss any episode, tequila and Guy Ecker....couldnt miss that :D jajajaja

perla (1998) this one I liked it, guess was the first tv azteca novela I saw, it was good.

Verano del 98 (1998) this was I guess the first novela I saw from Telefe, but I saw just saw like 2 seasons but it was really good, the soundtrack was a big thing too :D

Muneca Brava (1998) this was a really, really good one, Natalia Oreiro was hilarious in this character, really good one.

Catalina y Sebastina (1999) the second tv azteca novela I saw, I love how this two dudes work together (Silvia Navarro and Sergio Basañez)

Cabezita (1999) I liked this one, but didnt actually watch it all.

Como en el cine (2001) I liked this one cause pretty much was the tv version of a movie I love (coyote ugly)

and the last one I remember watching is La lola (2008) ..that was really funny, I wanna watch that one again.....

and aparently I had a lot of iddle time during 1998....been thinking what was going on at that time...getting out of school and starting to work and getting ready for university, last year at school I decided to give myself a break so I pretty much didnt care about classes, and I spent a lot of time with my friends, so pretty much I needed to be updated on the main topics of the regular conversations we had....novelas and boys and some other crazy stuff we did but that will be for some other post...