meeting ADHD

and well... its not that ive been avoiding to talk about this, its just I havent found the proper aproach for it.

since last year, my kid and I, have been getting constant feedback, (bad feedback) from his teachers at school. to the point that I would just avoid talking to his teacher at the previous school, for me that was just the worst bitch-on-earth; now in the new school, having basically the same problems, it was a hard punch to my pride having to accept the fact, it was not that bitch´s problem, but my kid was actually having problems.

then I went through the denial period again, now this time was not the teacher´s fault but my kid just not accepting life as it is. I tried, I punished, I yelled, I cried, I broke... I did every thing I can imagine ( and some I hope nobody would ever go through) to get the kid behave.. but the problem just got worst and worst.

now, the kid has been diagnose with ADHD, been trying to do as much reading as I can; and it has been just heart-breaker. Reading those long lists describing behaviors of ADHD kids, answering quizzes where my kid has 8 out of 10 ADD symptoms.

by now I just feel like the a really bad mom.

reading a website Ive found about ADD, I find how things I thought were helping him, were actually causing more problems, it has been a really painful experience to realize how bad Ive been making my lil kid feel all this time, asking him... not, let me rephrase that... DEMANDING him to behave and remember and do things that his brain was just not allowing him to do,, listening his conversations with my mom where he says " I know I dont have to do that, I just dont know how to stop it"
It is one of the biggest pains Ive gone through, knowing my kid has this problem and I havent been there to help him, that he was sending signals that something was wrong and I was not able to see them.

we should be starting treatment pretty soon, so far we are still testing and confirming the diagnostic, Im worry as so many people talk so many bad things about the use of meds on kids, Im scared Im gonna do something that in the long run its gonna fire back.

in the meantime I just keep reading, trying to educate myself more and more about it, so now I will be there for him and I will be able to know how to help him.

it is really hard, as not everybody understands what Im going through, everybody has an opinion and everybody seems to think they are right, its been refreshing to find something structure to rely on to, this appointment my mom made to the neurologist has been by far the best decision we have made in a long time.