para los incredulos...(wtf!)

here's the thing...for the past weeks (?) Ive been working really hard to improve myself in a lot of different aspects I consider I need to do some deep changes to have people around me happy and as consequence..me happy...( actually it should be the other way around)

One of the main changes is the fact of stopping a bit and think about the words that are about to come out of my mouth. Doesnt work all the time, there are a few ,.,situations,., where having me thinking over and over about what Im gonna say just ends up getting worst, even more when Im not allow to say the whole script Ive made up in my mind and I get my face hit with the "Ok, I got it" answer...and Im just loosing the point here...

the point of all that rant is...ok, bear with me a minute here,., Im not a very religious person, I dont go to church, I used to, but not anymore. do I believe in God? hhhmmm good question, and Im not gonna get into that; what I will say is, that I do like to think, there's something out there, bigger than me, that in those nights where thoughts would just not hold into a place inside my mind I could go out, smoke the night and speak them out,.,and this...whatever name you wanna call it, would listen,,.just that...,

and guess Ill just go straight to what is getting stuck in my throat anyway...

I just received an email,.,one of those chain things....with one of those inspiring stories about giving and sharing, waiting nothing in return and how God bless us no matter what, and how much we should regret all our sins blah blah blah...

but, its not the email, or the story what got me so disturb,,,its the person who sent it.

that person is the last person I need to be giving me advises, its one of those who will come to you, tell you "please, dont be sad, you are how you are cause you keep living in denial. come to God, he will change you as he changed me, he will bring peace to your heart and joy and happiness to your life, cant you see the peaceful in my eyes?" and when you come and see this person attitude, his way of living...damn...dayum...DAAHH AMM...

breath....

and I just wanted to vent...really and Im gonna say this cause that's why I have a blog..

I cant believe how people can actually be so hypocrite, I dont know what annoys me more, the story, the advise, the image that person tries to show up or the fact that up to this point I still get upset cause of a fucking email...

y ya...

going to meeting...


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late update,.,.

someone´s grandma died today, I feel really bad cause I couldnt go, he was there when my grandma died, so felt like I should have gone, too bad circumstances are not the more appropriate; I bet he understands if not..well too bad, Im not gonna be giving out my peace of mind just to pay some respect...nothing against that grieving person,.,damn..too hard too explain,.,but definitely I can tell I understand now the email sent today,.,para los incredulos...wtf was that shit...trying to break some ice with an email..thinking I will be there maybe? nunca JAMAS!

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen...

...good bye...

, finally mi grandma is resting, it´s been a long fight, she could do no more. these two days have been totally exhausting, wanna thank the people who showed their support, gotta say, was totally unexpected to see you there, but you have no idea how much it helped, thanks, this has been, by far, one of the most painful moments I had to go trough.

happy Bday gordita

cigz...none...(so far) [update 4 hours later] :::3 cigz:::
coffee....2 ...update...still 2
today´s my sis bday...that lil girl pisses me off very often, and unfortunately she is so just like me, I would say she might be even a lil bit worst...I feel bad cause she is living things she should know by this time, she worries about some grown up stuff...she should be aware of but, I just hope that will help her to know how to handle things like that when her time comes. anyway....gordita...I know you hate me calling you like that but you know its cause I love you with all my heart and I just hope you´ll grow up to be so much better than me. luv you and hope you have a great bday :D
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so we got back from the bday celebration..I'm feeling so tired but have a wolf mask to finish, and as usual the customer is already sleep so I cant make sure it will fit ok, we´ll see that in a rush tomorrow.
went to see my grandma, my old lady is looking worst, I hate this cause, now, that it looks like the end is close..and if not I really hope it is cause I hate to see her that way, she used to be so full of life and joy...anyway...what I don't like its feeling this way, feeling that I hope everything will end up soon, don't like to see her so uncomfortable, don't like how it feels not knowing what to say, not knowing how to help, and if I just stay standing in that room I feel I'm just interfering, hope everything gets better soon.