just came back from class, calculator was working fine during the whole class but apparently it decided to die right before we got the exam in hand-BITCH! the leg started to hurt thanks to those comfortable sits in the lab and guess the stress of not understanding a word that woman was saying.
around 10 mins ago just happened something I thought I had left behind more than 3 years ago. somehow I think Im missing on learning how to manage some type of people or some type of situations, Im definitely not proud of anything I said or how I reacted to it. getting in such a fight for such a dumb thing as a downloaded file definitely is really embarrassing and Ive been left thinking...
why do I have to go with the same reaction every time...standing at his same level...yelling and cursing just like he does will get me to something? by now I should already know I will never beat a man, NEVER, I should remember that really good, unfortunatly there are some things my mind just rathers to forget, cause they were really really bad? maybe, cause they hurted a lot? fuck yes...I always like to tell Sarita "do not play hard..play smart" I should follow my own advise, this dude will someday hit me...today was really close...I reallly thought he was going to...
one of the worst flashbacks I had while fighting was me yelling, screaming in hope of someone coming to help me...cause I was just there hanging as much as I could...3 years ago...no body ever came to help, not even once...today same thing...no body came out....THAT right there is loneliness...worst feeling ever...and as I type this Im thinking...would loneliness be the proper word...abandon?...maybe...just know right now my neck hurts like hell...Im still shaking and I want to cry, wish I could just go ahead and hug my kid but I cant, just need a hug..
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