my wishes...

and yet, I feel like Im not allowed to break into pieces.... yet

so many things going on right now, feeling betrayed, misunderstood, hopeless, lost, yes all that and more

weird thing since I knew I had let myself go with the study, I knew what was coming, Im not the type of person who will go beg the teacher for help to increase my grades, fuck it! I did not study I deserve that 4.5 I got, but I cant help feeling angry with myself. so now, Im working my ass off to get a good grade on the next test, period

all the other things... damn, i dont even know what to think about them. every time I was forced to change I used to feel it was for good, I felt ok with the idea that things were going to be fine and that the change that was coming was going to bring good things that at the moment I was not able to visualize. now, now that Im standing at the door of this new phase I can only feel scared. feels like I have my own Mrs. Eiffel writing the lines of my life. hate to have that feeling, but at this moment that´s how I feel, like Im letting myself go to the desires of this mistery Mrs Eiffel who is rejoicing on taking me wherever she wants and forces me to do whatever pleases her. the rest, guess Im too tired to deal with it, for sure this is not the week of the month where anything has to be said, a lot, actually tons of things that need to be analyzed and seen from every possible angle, but maybe Im just to scared, busy or not interested on doing it, real life has hit to hard right now, feeling like Im on my knees already dont need that last missing punch to get my teeth on the ground...

tonight I only have 3 wishes for the author of my life who ever you are..

please kill me in a very poetical and meaningful way

make sure my kid knows I love him with all my heart and that he is the best thing could have ever happened to me

and please please let me read the draft so I can stop worrying and just live my last days enjoying the most possible with my kid..

those are my wishes...