Hello, My name is Karina....

...and I have a mental health problem...

This is something that hasn’t been easy to acknowledge. Yes, I have known for many years now that something was not right. Trying to live with it and take it under control without even understanding it, has been the main battle of my life... causing all aspects of my life to fall into pieces more often than not.

I am finally working on getting help, as expensive as it might be (and believe me it is FUCKING EXPENSIVE), but when I look back, I see it is worth it. Having a healthy and happy relationship with my kid it is worth every penny. I know it is not magic, but somehow I feel I will have more tools now to work with, and so far it is looking good. 

There’s still a very long way to go; barely a step has been made, but I feel confident. 

All this time, I have been able to keep things pretty much under control, but it would only last a few days, and then a bad episode would come. Now, I am looking forward for these episodes to show more rarely, and not only to hope people around me would understand, but to mainly try to understand them.

It is easy to connect and feel empathy with a loved one when you see them sick. You see their physical symptoms of any sickness…fever…a wound...spasms... rash… you name it, you can see it, and you know they are in pain. You feel for them, you try to comfort them and help them anyway you can. 

But how is it when the problem is inside? When is your mind the one that is not working ok?

Up until recently I have come to understand this. I don’t hold it against them. I understand how hard it must be to feel empathy towards someone that looks pretty much healthy. Trying to understand when someone is just hurting us, or making us feel annoyed, when we don’t see what is wrong and we can only see their actions and the hurtful things they say. Most of the time, whatever makes them lose it might seem like...nonsense. 

You have no idea how much of a nonsense we also think that is, but we just can’t control it! Sigh...

Anyway... Not holding grudges with anybody and focusing on understanding what is going on and how to get things to work.. Slowly getting into that path of better health...