Road to karaoke — night #2

I must get this out of my system...now!

My kid´s biological father offered him on Christmas to buy him a game, he asked for a PS vita or something like that, sorry I am not into those things so I am pretty much ignorant about them.

The kid begged me to authorize it, so, as that man has not given me a penny for over 8 years, I thought I would say yes this time, and would just leave his stuck in a promise he would not be able to comply with.

Next thing I know, he promises to get him one on January, he didn't see the kid until today... and guess what? the dude bought it... but, here is the catch.. he will keep it!! that mopho... aaaaaaarrgggghhhh

And even before the kid would come back home, I knew that was gonna be his move. The damn game is not for the kid. He bought himself that shit, and will ALLOW the kid to use, whenever he goes to visit him. The fucking-lier-son-of-a-bitch!

Now the kid is asking to go there, any free time he has available... that is the worst part for me...

I know I shouldn't be feeling like this, but it is so hard. I hate myself for getting such a shitty person into our lives. If there would be a way I could go back in time, I would totally do things different, and definitely having that fucker out of our lives would be the main change I would do. I know my whole life would be so much different.

Sorry for the venting session, but I needed to get this shit out..

A piece of heaven

So the kid went from asking for a "permanent dad" to a little brother... again... oO

And even though part of my healing process is to stop stressing about what my expectations are and to just let things happen on its own time, I must say it is hard to find the proper answer to give to my son when he comes up with those type of things..

In the meantime he will have to enjoy my baby O while we get our own...

I looooove this beautiful piece of heaven...

I shouldn´t...

Ya pasaron varios meses, en teoría debería de sentirme mejor. A veces si, me suben la moral y mis amigos hacen un gran esfuerzo por mantenerme sonriendo. Pero se siente tan superficial. Lo extraño, lo amo, con todos sus defectos, sus ronquidos, su simpleza... Lo amo y lo extraño.

Veo la vida q tiene, no lo culpo por no querer regresar. Imagino que eso es lo que le hacia falta, o ahora se dio cuenta que esa vida es la q quiere, o simplemente no me quería y le abrí la puerta para que se fuera. Hasta yo quisiera escapar aunque sea por un día...
Quizas me equivoqué, le corte las alas a un espíritu que añora ser libre, y aunque me duele, y aunque mi mas profundo deseo es que regrese conmigo; no puedo mas que desearle que deje crecer sus hermosas alas de nuevo y que vuele...

Fly as high and as away as you can babe... You were born to be happy, Im sorry I was not able to be the wind you so desperately need...

Just a thought...

I just wonder if you ever even care...

Un consejo...

I just found one of the most basic and fundamental advises in the most unexpected place.

While watching "La Lola", Facundo gave this advise to his daughter, it felt like he was saying it for me.

"Escucha este consejo que a lo mejor te sirve; uno a veces en la vida cuando deja lugares... los deja,  y te tenes que hacer cargo de que lo dejaste porque puede venir otro y ocuparlo y no hay reclamos; sino hay que quedarse y bancarse lo que sea...Cuando uno se va... se fue."

so true...

I have watched this show so many times and not until now I have noticed such a fundamental truth.

I wish I would have understood this better before.

Love letter... Beethoven

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours