2017 in one word

reck·less

ˈrekləs/

adjective

1. (of a person or their actions) without thinking or caring about the consequences of an action.

   "reckless driving"

   synonyms:

   rash, careless, thoughtless, heedless, unheeding, hasty, overhasty, precipitate, precipitous, impetuous, impulsive, daredevil, devil-may-care;  irresponsible, foolhardy, audacious, overadventurous;  ill-advised, injudicious, madcap, imprudent, unwise, ill-considered;  informalkamikaze;  literarytemerarious

I`ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away.. but baby, I just need one good one to stay...

Labrinth - Jealous

I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind
'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love
'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
I-I-It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

(You want to) Make a memory...

Hello again, it's you and me

Kinda always like it used to be

Sippin' wine, killing time

Trying to solve life's mysteries

How's your life, it's been a while?

God it's good to see you smile

I see you reaching for your keys

Looking for a reason not to leave

If you don't know if you should stay

If you don't say what's on your mind

Baby just breathe

There's nowhere else tonight we should be

You wanna make a memory?

I dug up this old photograph

Look at all that hair we had

It's bitter sweet to hear you laugh

Your phone is ringin' I don't wanna ask

If you go now I'll understand

If you stay, hey, I've gotta plan

You wanna make a memory?

You wanna steal a piece of time?

You can sing the melody to me

And I can write a couple lines

You wanna make a memory

If you don't know if you should stay

And you don't say what's on your mind

Baby just breathe

There's nowhere else tonight we should be - We should be.

You wanna make a memory?

You wanna steal a piece of time?

You can sing the melody to me

And I can write a couple lines

You wanna make a memory

You wanna make a memory

Young wolf - nameday

And this is suposed to be a happy day and it is, don't get me wrong but it has a bitter sweet taste.
I have come to learn that I should not relay on anybody. Expectations have probe to be the root of all my disappointments. So, I don't make plans with anybody and do my best not to expect anything from anybody.but even though I have this so clear, it still hurts me when the ones who are supposed to love me and the kid the most, makes absolutely no effor to show it.
It makes it even harder,  when they talk and criticize the kid's family for not making an effort, and they being here making no effort whatsoever, it makes it even worst and more painful.
At this point, I know I have to lose the fear and just take what I have and make the best of it... but sometimes it feels as such a hard thing to do.

Happier-ish...

found this gem... 05/2012

she said: contame like in the movie... which are those moments of impact you replay in your mind, about us, like.. since you met me
he said: the moment in the front yard when I asked you
...one of the very first times in front of your house when I met the kid..
...driving you home from work holding hands a long long time ago
...you & me making out in my room
.. the letter you gave me from a yellow notepad, which ends you closing a call telling me to ask my sales rep about the inspiron 9
...you laughing about all the nonsense that came out of my mind
...the very first time in my bed
...the time we went to el Tunco, that one day we just sat there enjoying each others company
... you on top of me at the cabin, lights were out except the lamp and its orange glow, you looked so beautiful
... en tu cube sitting there you smiling, just listening to you talk...