thinking out loud

wow...fighting was reduced in 90% and homework is now done...Im such a good mom...


I shouldn't be allowed to text while doped....just a thought....

:::waiting on an angel-Ben Harper:::

Waiting on an angel

one to carry me home

hope you come to see me soon

cause I don't want to go alone

I don't want to go alone

Now angel won't you come by me

angel hear my plea

take my hand lift me up

so that I can fly with thee

so that I can fly with thee

And I'm waiting on an angel

and I know it won't be long

to find myself a resting place

in my angel's arms

in my angel's arms

sick week

I was doing a quick review here, Ive had the notebook for a lil bit over two weeks and I still don't have my wireless network at home, why, u might ask..well...cause the dude in charge of that apparently is such an air head who lost the application my dad sign, and that shouldn't have turned out into such a complicated issue but, let me explain the whole story....

so this ISP people has some sort of promotion, so if we upgrade the speed of the current connection we have, they would give for free one of this USB 3G things...so my dad signed up for that thing, as the USB thing will be FREE, they made him sign some papers stating he received one, so at first apparently they didn't have on stock, but then, this dude calls my dad stating he lost the signed paper, but my dad refused to sign another one thinking the dude was trying to cheat the system .,.,anyway...we tried to get the service contacting another agent from that people but we are stuck with the original dude so we have to wait till he works in the process...in the meantime...I have no wireless :(

the kid has been sick all week, he started with stomach issues, then fever, then flu, now stomach issues again...I was hoping I was gonna be able to send him back to school tomorrow but apparently we wont be able to do so, I just hope he will get better along the weekend.

apparently the team will be making a meeting this weekend, I was so looking forward to go out drinking a bit, I feel like its been years since I don't go out and I really really wanted to go but I wont be able to cause Im still a lil bit sick and I cant leave the kid alone with his sickness. :(

and Im getting the feeling I should start studying, so I guess I will stop photoshoping pics and will start reviewing some math classes.

:::Goo goo dolls-before its too late:::

...so live like you mean it
live till you feel it
its all that we need in our lives...

I seem to be doing better of all this sickness thing, the kid got me a lil scared cause he had fever since yesterday afternoon and through the night he stayed at an average of 38º, though today he´s been doing really good.

happy birthday to my mom, sorry mom, you couldnt get away of my "mess up birthday" curse I seem to have this year, dunno why´s that and I certainly wished it wouldnt have happened with you, but damn, you do make it easy young lady. anyway, hope you find some fun in the middle of such darkness.

Im still in the search of some ways to deal with the kid, trying not to stress and to find some patient where I know I dont have any, but, gotta deal with it, there´s no other way.

everything else...dunno, just holding on I guess, for the first time ever I seem to be dealing pretty much good on it, [yeah right!] weird cause I know it has made me feel down really really bad but at the same time I just hope at the end its the best thing to do,., this is just one of those things that make me wish I could see the future to know if Im right or wrong...just time will tell I guess

and I just cant sleep

today has been a really really bad day...good thing is that is about to be over, weird thing, Ive been feeling so bad, not sickness way, since yesterday and as soon as I started typing I can finally cry.

sickness hasnt improved that much, but Ill be going to work tomorrow, we´ll see how that goes.

in the morning we catch up with most of the homework with the kid, that was awful, Im such a bad mother, he had 2 weeks to do all that homework that I made him do in one morning, and I even made him feel how bad he was cause he didnt want to do anything anymore. at noon I took my antibiotics and that thing makes me nausea and makes my body shake so I was not feeling good, besides the whole guilt and anger, I refused to go to my mom´s and made the kid go with my dad and my sister. its is so hard to believe how come after I gave him such a bad time the kid still rathers to stick around with me. anyway, spent the whole afternoon alone, pretty much laying in the couch thinking on something to fix this whole situation. so when my mom finally came home with the kid we started talking about all this thing she thinks the kid has. I have no idea how, but we end up arguing, that right there was me collapsing of so many things that are just going wrong in my life, ....so at the end she left the house upset with me, so there it goes, one more thing to add to the list.

anyway...

I couldnt sleep, planned to watch some movies and to felt asleep that way but had so many things in my mind that thought on some catarsis here as usual, and my dad just came here to try to talk to me, he just killed the whole catarsis thing :( that will help in my plan of getting the kid in some kind of schedule that is supposed to help him get better, hopefuly that´ll do.

everything else, I dont know, guess we will leave that one a side, even though its really hurting; but the sickness, the kid, my mom...too many balls in the air right now I just cant handle anything else. all I can say about that is, I thought I was not gonna be able to do it this time, seems like I was wrong on that, just wish Im wrong on the things that made me go this way but, guess that is one of those things we will never know huh?

:::Ben Harper-Forever::: [..and some updates in the weekend of sickness]

thought I was gonna be doing better by today but no, it was hard to sleep last night and the kid woke me up early today. my throat hurts a lot and Im having issues to breath again.
and as I been with so much iddle time in my hand Ive been using it wisely and Ive been downloading all the Ben Harper albums I was able to find. Now Ive been stuck with this song, hope you like it too...

I have so many things in my mind to write about here but...damn..Im not feeling good, no will at all to do anything, I fell down today and I hurted my left foot its hurting like hell right now, definitely not a right time to get inspiration, nothing good will come out and as someone said, "if you have nothing good to say, you better say nothing at all"

kicked out

since we moved back to my dad´s house....that was like...over 3 years now, the kid has been sleeping with me, mostly due space issues, there´s absolutly no room to put another bed for him. so ever since then I havent been able to have a good night sleep, well, actually Im lynig on that one, ever since I GOT HIM I havent been able to get a good night sleep; what Ive been thinking about since then is How is it gonna be when I finally get him in his own bed? is he gonna cry for me? coming in the middle of hte night back to my bed or just yelling my name ?

and just today I was kicked out of my own bed.....

last night my mom decided was a good idea due my sickness of me not sharing the room with the kid so we will avoid him getting sick, which it made sense, so I put him to sleep and then my sis took my place, so up to there we were fine, next day it was around 8 am and he was still sleep, [ let me add this detail in case I have never mentioned this here before, he will always, let me rephrase that he will ALWAYS wake up at 6 am on saturdays] so, today before I put him to sleep he goes and say "you are not sleeping here, sarita is sleeping here with me" and then it hitted me, right in my liver....I got kicked out of my bed...out of my room...out of my kid`s sleep needs...

anyway...Im doing better now, the pills are definitely working, although there´s one that makes my whole body shake, so that is really annoying, I feel like an old person. I really hate that makes me feel so weak, but hopefuly that would end up soon :D

I was realizing something today, Ive been dying to smoke...friday night, I was feeling like if I was gonna die..right there...in the middle of my mom´s dining room trying to have some dinner...so then I thought, if I keep on smoking Ill die like this, trying to breath and just wont be able to never ever again like NUNCA JAMAS! so then I thought..Im not smoking ever again...

but Im so dying to do it right now...how sad is that....