Welcome to the club

"some things aren`t just going my way"

And to that I say...Ain`t that everybody`s life?

let me give you a short list of all the things that are just not going my way...

• No matter my efforts a salary increase at work it just does not happen
• I insist on going back with someone who clearly has absolutely no interest in me
• My body is giving up and have no resources to stop that.. I`m just slowly witnessing how it is just coming down in pieces...
• I finally let someone in just to realize everything was fake.. and I fell for it
• The kid... this weird combination of the only best thing I have in my life but at the same time can take me down to hell just as easy...

this week was one of those.. when you feel like you hit bottom.. but you did not actually hit bottom, you just crashed with a rock and your real misery is still waiting for you, patiently waiting while you keep going down this free fall...

On Tuesday I found myself crying in the livingroom, the walk from the stairs to the couch was full of the most excruciating pain. One foot with these awful pain spasm nobody can figure out what they are about..the other in huge need of a surgery I have no way to get it done. I cried...realizing how useless and powerless I felt.. I.COULD.NOT.WALK

so if you are reading this.... and you can walk.. DON`T GIVE IT FOR GRANTED!

so.. things aren`t going your way? guess what? things are pretty much not going anybody`s way. I think, that`s life. It loves being a total bitch.

Even though today I have allowed myself to cry.. I cried while watching a rom-com thinking no one will ever love me, hug me and stare at my eyes with this look of never having watched anything more beautiful in his life... I cried while yet again I put my dignity aside begging someone to spend time with me just to be reminded again how much he doesn`t care... I cried out the most stupid things today.. there was no soda.. the kid was leaving a mess behind him everywhere he was going... I cried.. I`m crying.. and pretty much will keep on crying till I fall asleep..but just today. That`s all I allow myself to do.

Because even though things aren`t going my way, I refuse to stay here... If plan A doesn`t want me.. I`ll go for plan B.. whatever that will be..