Love letter... Beethoven

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours 

wow..

I cant believe I haven´´t come back here is such a long time... my last post was back then in may 2012... 2012! my life was so different back then... I was so naive...

Due to confidentiality issues obviously I can´t disclose much about what I do; all I can say and I think it´s what matters the most... NO, I did not mess it up! Im still there in that same role I got back then in 2012.

No, it was not what I expected. It is weird, cause I have to accept the fact that I do love what I do. Now I see the job of a front line agent from a different perspective, I see my role has a bigger impact than what I could ever imagined. What it has me dissapointed is my paycheck  every two fridays.... and some people at work. The people I can manage... they paycheck.. not.

I wont deny it has been a great experience to have, I have learned a lot from a lot of people. I have discovered skills I did not know I had. But, just like back then in 2012, not it feels the time has come for a change.

I have built some networking here and there, that I pretend to start make it be worth of something... we will see if this time the outcome will be positive, this ADD mama needs some money! :D

I just realized its been a very long time I havent write a thing.
so many things have happened, I need to write, cause they have been more than important.

so.....

back in december for any reason that now I dont remember I decided I was tired of being on the phone and that I wanted out. so I talked to my manager and got myself enrolled on a program to finally move on in my work career. and..... got in.... actually I did it just for the fun to know what the position was about and to prove myself if I could go through the interview process... and I did it, got to the program.
to make a long story short, I got to the program, got the people´s trust and went to the interview, in the first onw I sucked, like I was just there standing, watching all the other ones talk and talk and talk.... so for the second one, I looked for help from a lot of people, got myself as ready as I possible could and kicked asses on  that second interview.

so now... after 6 years I finally got promoted!

my parents were all happy, but it was a weird happiness, like.. it was more like..." yeah, finally you decided to get your ass moving, you would have go up a long time ago, you only needed to decide you wanted to do it"

anyway, here I am... now finally out of the phone.. (sort of)

scared of this new challenge... hope I wont mess it up this time either...

and my mom is now asking for her mother´s day gift, I was feeling all upset about it, didnt know what to decide and then I read this.....

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Astrological Insight

If you're inclined to be a little rigid today, just try to remember to keep an open mind. It'll really help things go a lot more smoothly for you right now. You'll be filled with an increased sense of independence today, and you should really try to get away from everything and enjoy some type of little adventure if you possibly can.

If you don’t watch your tongue, you’ll end up having to deal with quite a few misunderstandings today. You’ll tend to be a little narrow-minded when it comes to certain issues right now, but you should really make an effort to compromise whenever you can today. Mantra: I will not be afraid to try something new.

                                                                                                                                     ..... guess I got my answer....

october,., still going on

was reading that last post... honestly ,., have no idea what was going on there... what I can say is that I survived, semester was over and all classes were done good...

and one thing is for sure, I feel worst than what I was feeling back then when I wrote that, but one thing I can tell... I survived that post, now I know I will survive this one...

so,., may... we are in October now, 5 months have passed and lots of things too, in September we had our two years anniversary, went to Decameron with the kid, spent 3 days there, and it was real fun.

we are also trying to get the house ready to move out, and since we decided we are doing this my leg has been bugging like a bitch more often than not, i desperatly need to get all this stress out, Im scare of what we are planning but, only thing I hope is we will manage, on every aspect of it.

school got me tired already, and work is the same hell as always, somedays I cant wait to get fired but at the same time I know I need the money, specially with what is coming ahead.

Kid is doing better, we increased the dose of his pills, although his writing still is really bad, he is doing a lot better, that makes life easier for everybody.

we´ll see, maybe when I come back here, reading from MY home I will realized I did survived too

my wishes...

and yet, I feel like Im not allowed to break into pieces.... yet

so many things going on right now, feeling betrayed, misunderstood, hopeless, lost, yes all that and more

weird thing since I knew I had let myself go with the study, I knew what was coming, Im not the type of person who will go beg the teacher for help to increase my grades, fuck it! I did not study I deserve that 4.5 I got, but I cant help feeling angry with myself. so now, Im working my ass off to get a good grade on the next test, period

all the other things... damn, i dont even know what to think about them. every time I was forced to change I used to feel it was for good, I felt ok with the idea that things were going to be fine and that the change that was coming was going to bring good things that at the moment I was not able to visualize. now, now that Im standing at the door of this new phase I can only feel scared. feels like I have my own Mrs. Eiffel writing the lines of my life. hate to have that feeling, but at this moment that´s how I feel, like Im letting myself go to the desires of this mistery Mrs Eiffel who is rejoicing on taking me wherever she wants and forces me to do whatever pleases her. the rest, guess Im too tired to deal with it, for sure this is not the week of the month where anything has to be said, a lot, actually tons of things that need to be analyzed and seen from every possible angle, but maybe Im just to scared, busy or not interested on doing it, real life has hit to hard right now, feeling like Im on my knees already dont need that last missing punch to get my teeth on the ground...

tonight I only have 3 wishes for the author of my life who ever you are..

please kill me in a very poetical and meaningful way

make sure my kid knows I love him with all my heart and that he is the best thing could have ever happened to me

and please please let me read the draft so I can stop worrying and just live my last days enjoying the most possible with my kid..

those are my wishes...

and march is gone...

hadn't realize how long its been since my last post...

3 months... wow, feels like December was just a few weeks ago, anyway...let me try to remember..

work, work is still the same, ugly calls, people who forgets to say thank you, people who forgets things are easy to be said but not to be done, ... nah... in a few words, work is still the same crap and cant wait for the day that I will be out of there.

the kid is really excited about school, he is learning to read, I admit it, Im definitely not helping him as I should, actually, Im not helping him at all. his new teacher was really understanding about his ADD and he was feeling really proud of his improvement... bad news is that she left, who knows why, so we have to start all over again, good thing it looks like he is not doing so bad.

school is doing really good, well, just good I would say. its been really busy, a lot of work, but cant deny I feel really good with the challenge, love my teachers, not all of them, but definitely I admire the skill two of them have to transmit his ideas so clear, I wish I could be half of smart they are.

family is doing good, still after a year trying to get along with each other but, we are improving and that is the important part...

lets see what is coming now