Spring cleaning

It's kinda sad to be doing this deep cleaning every few months and going through the same conversation every time we go through his desk:

Me: are you keeping these?
The kid: yes!  Don't throw them away
Me: why are you still keeping them?
The kid: cause I like them...  They are memories...

I'm not sure if I should push him to move on or just to let him be...

I ain't no HO motherfucker...

I have finally found some time to sit and write a little, time is slipping through my fingers like water.

So, after I moved back to my   parents house, I would create a playlist in YouTube, with songs that pretty much were reflecting my mood. I would play them over and over and over again until having to listen to those songs again would make me vomit.

A while ago I found this girl AND I JUST CANT STOP listening her music. I found a playlist and it has been the ONLY music I hear 24/7. Its the first and ONLY thing I hear while getting ready for work, an infinite playlist at work and the last thing I hear at night while falling asleep.. (Sometimes 😍 jijiji)

So who is she?

Paloma Faith.. First time I heard a song of her, it made me think about Amy Winehouse. I love her voice, the lyrics of her songs, her attitude.. She just totally rocks!

I used to write about the "singer of the week" and add a song or two that were my favorites,., Ive been trying to pick one and I cant. She has so many.. You will find the classic I-hate-you-I-hope-you-face-a-slow-miserable-death song,., or the I-love-you-but-I-don't-want-you-back song,., or the I-am-better-alone-I-can-now-fuck-whoever-I-want song,., or the I-am-fucking-sarcastic-may-act-like-a-whore-in-bed-just-for-you-but-you-better-be-fucking-romantic-I-am-still-a-lady song... So so many..

It was hard but enjoy...

Woman... If you ever make it all the way down here,., this one is for you,., love you so SO much,., thank you for making my worst days the best days 😘😘😘

And if you need me..

You know, that Ill always be around...

Soooo...

And life hasn't been as nice as I expected.
 Working 13 hours shift for I don't know how long, doesn't seem to be paying off yet.,., but I am trying to be patient and to see the good side. Those talks after everybody has left make me laugh a lot.
Anyway...

Ego boost is there.. Anytime I need it. I wish that could be enough, but damn.. Am I complicated  or what?

I wish I could be a player.. Just like all the ones Ive come to know. They make it look so easy and so fun; but I have a heart, somewhere hidden and broken inside.. And no matter what, I just cant let go.

Putting myself out there, vulnerable to be hurt again,., I just cant. I was told once, I had never gone through a real heart break ,., I now totally agree. It has been the worst time of my life... And even through they keep saying there is something even better waiting for me no finally notice.. I still have a lot of work to do.

In the meantime... Work, the kid and chats will be...

If the door does not open...

Then it is not your door. 😓

Things are not going as expected, that door does not seem to want to open for me; yet, I refuse to give up.
It is near impossible to consider that as an option. The stars have provided me with a support network that is just unbelievable. It keeps surprising me how people I never expected worry about me, take care of me and are willing to give their time to help me reach my goals, The least I can do is to keep on fighting.

On a diferentt but related note, I was going through a sad moment today, for whatever reason, this friend started talking to me any random things, until the conversation got personal... There's this one thing he said that brought tears to my eyes.. "You need someone to make you feel especial.." take that wall and let them in...

I know I have not reach that level. I do want someone to make me feel especial... But I haven't become that woman I need to be.

As someone told me once.. The reason to be with someone has to be to be happier...not happy.

So..it is sad. I don't regret being old school, I do understand times now have change and yes, I do admit I wish there was somebody... I do not think I was born to be alone, I am just not ready yet...

Maybe I will never be...

Randomness 2016

For some reason this year feels like it is MY year... I feel so empowered to finally accomplish my main goals in life. All the stars seem to be aligned to let me reach those so desired dreams.
It has been so long since I haven't been here.. I was reading back some of the few last post.. Things change so fast...
So many things going on at once, things that make me smile and do stupid things...
Things that make me cry and lose perspective..
I just need to remind myself this weird planet alignment doesn't happen so often... I better keep my feet on the ground and not lose my head on worthless things..

Slow dancing in a burning room