Im just here waiting...

...just tell me everything will be alright...damn I miss you...would it be too much to ask you to come? :(

T O L...

sorry to fucked up such a date in such a dumbass and asshole way...mmm...definitely have no words...just wanna say...that ehhm..that so convenient reference to phone calls pretending be something ,.,Ill take it was totally not related to mines...anyway...ehmm...thanks for answering though...and...hope, I hope you still consider Im someone you count on ..cause Im totally not pretending...and...sorry for being such a pain in the ass and...ehmmm....just want you to know you are the most meanigfull and important person in my life [after the kid] and I really wished I would have done that phone call earlier asking you to come and gave you that hug Ive been planning for days now and...well...I hope you keep in mind all what I feel for you...I really hope you know that by now...

thinking out loud

why brothers have to be such an ass-hole 95% of the time!!!!!!!!!! I so hate this stupid selfish a-hole sometimes.....

something good will come along....

so we went to cafe miranda today, weird thing always happen to me, when I have huge expectations about something, not only doesnt happen, but it turns out to be the worst thing...let me make this with a lil bit of sense...
so...this weekend, I didnt have something specific in mind, but indeed I hoped it was gonna be a good weekend, friday turned out to be a weird senseless day so at night, I really really REALLY wanted to go out to have some beers, but, didnt know who to call to go out, then I thought fuck it! and started drinking here at the house, so as I was drinking and smoking alone, just sitting in my backyard, when I started feeling kinda tipsy decided to stop, but was too late, as soon as I stood up, my head started spinning and I realize how drunk I was...needless to say, by this time I had already burned my finger with the cig..how did that happened?? dont ask...I have no answer...so...I manage to go to bed, after almost falling right on top of my dad who had fell asleep watching tv..:S,.,.,next day, the kid woke me up at a decent time..and as I remembered friday night thought saturday was gonna be a hell but it actually turned out to be good...hangoveringly speaking, so still, waiting for something good to happen....saturday was....boring...really boring, day was so hot...and no hopes of going out at all...spent the night watching tv...my dad left us alone, that was messed up cause there was some kinda temblor around 4:30 am...and that scares me :$..anyway...manage to fall sleep again and today, got a call from one of my friends so we went to cafe miranda to have lunch, was fun, everytime we go there the kid manages to make people laugh there...he had a good time, so that´s good. we came back, had a lil problem at the house, my dad went to the beach so I got upset cause he decided to go the day I was not at the house, I got really pissed off cause Ive been begging him to go, so I felt really bad...but, anyway...that´s what happened this time, I really really hope this was gonna be a good weekend but turned out to be a really messed up one, so guess I wont hope anything for the next one...maybe something good will come along :P

I hate the way....

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way youre always right,

I hate it when you lie. I

hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when youre not around,

and the fact that you didnt call.

But mostly I hate the way I dont hate you,

not even close

not even a little bit .....not even at all.

talks with the kid...part I

so as I was so damn sleepy yesterday, I fell asleep during my team meeting, when I got home as the kid was out with my mom, I went straight to bed...so at 9 that the kid came back home I was totally asleep...he got so worried, telling me he was going to take care of me, that I didnt have to move from the bed, he was gonna be doing everything for me, then he comes and say...

kid: mom, I dont want you to go to school or to go to work, I want you to be by my side all the time..
mom: baby I would love to do that but I have to go to work, there are bills to pay
kid: mom, but I will give you the money so you dont have to work
mom: and where will you get the money from?
kid: well, you see...Ill go to my grandparent's house...so Ill tell them Ill go to buy some cookies and candies and then Ill go back but I wont give them the change, ill keep it and give it to you
mom: but baby that's call stealing, and we do not do that, you have to give them the money back everytime they give you some to go to the store you have to give them the change ok?...that was nice but that money wont be enough though
kid: but mom...you'll see...I will go everyday ...
mom: :S

so that was my sweet lil kid trying to make me stop going to work, poor baby, he broke my heart once I asked him if he knew the thing I like the most in the world, and he answer...work...I got damn, he has it so wrong, but I understand how he feels, we dont spend time together, at least not enough, either Im working, or at the U or doing homeworks at home...

Incubus-I miss you

been sick since sunday, leaving aside the pain and the annoyingness of the stomachache, the lack of coke and coffee is definitely the worst thing of all this. for some weird reason now that I cant drink it, seems like everybody around me has craves for some and are having coke all the time, I can even hear cans being open from the other side fo the floor [jajajaja] I had an terrible headache today, I feel like Im in dtox....I need coke like...NOOOOOWW!!!!

Ill go tomorrow morning to pick up my titulo (finally) and will go leave it at college (finally) cause I got the warning yesterday if I dont do it before monday I wont be able to study this next semester...sucks! good thing is that my boss was kind enough to get me the chance to miss a couple of hours at work. I just hope nobody there will start checking the reports in detail, cause my 2 hour lunches will be over :(

no news yet about the laptop thing, this has been so far the most frustrating experience ever, all that money there, and still paying for something I dont have is definitely really bad, I just hope everything will work out as we expect, the whole experience left me with some weird.."feelings" was really fucked up having my dad telling me every single day how stupid I was on buying on line and that I had lost my money, was even more fucked up having some other people trying their best to help me on figuring out a way to fix this. Its really weird how people change in time, we used to be so different, I knew I could always count on him, for everything no matter what...now...we hardly talk, and he is the last person Ill look for support ..cause I know I wont find any, that´s something my mom doesnt understand, how much she complains stating that she lost her kids the day she left home, its funny cause the one who loose was the one still in the house, I can certainly tell Im closer to my mom than to him, our relationship its really weird, cause we discuss a lot, I even feel like Im her mom, not the other way around, and even though she can be such a pain in the ass [which she totally is 99% of the time] I know I count on her.

just started to rain right now...Ill just go have some smoke and then will try to sleep if I can...been sleeping since I came back from work so Im totally awake right now, I guess I vent enough for today....will continue tomorrow...