review 2009

today has been such a bad day, I haven't take calls today, Ive been taking escalations, escalations...escalations..this lady said I was obnoxious (obnoxious! Ive heard that word only on finding Nemo..oO) rude and impolite.
so to try keeping my mind at ease, I decided I was gonna post, I realize posting is my way of venting,.,anyway
2009 is almost over, it has been a good year, a year to settle I would say, 2008 was the year of excess, was the year were I found out all the things I thought were cool, actually were not that cool, so 2009 was the year to settle and realize what I had done, set my north and try to define the path Im gonna follow.

[had a lot of calls so this is another day hopefully a good last day]

[and I have some music at last...I cant post without music in the background]

[and yes I have the music but cant play it here as WMP refuses to play the files and I cant install winamp, well I can but Im scared to install anything since I infected this computer with a virus last week]

....anyway......

so, 2009, what happened?...

came back to CTS, still cant define if it was a good move or not, but, here we are...still
with the kid we had out first "real school" experience, I call it that way cause, the 2 previous years I didnt make that much of a pressure, thought he was too young and saw it more like an "enhanced" daycare. we didnt do that good, but definitely now we know we have to work harder to achieve what we want. new school is coming, and we can just expect its gonna be good.
family guess is doing ok, had our ups and down with my siblings, mostly downs with my brother, that's a work in progress I think :(
now me...hhhuummm was a year of..hhmm..contrast maybe
got closer to my old friends, some got married and are even expecting their first baby, some got their master, some traveled to Europe, they had fun indeed. at work, I also got some of my old friends back, I cant remember now who got the guts to start talking and just clearing the whole mess we both did and took us apart, even though we dont talk so much and we go out even less, it feels good to know I have my old friends here and that I count on them always!
I finally sign in the university and so far I have 10 courses approved..average score 8, and that is a big achievement for me, thinking about the high amount of things I have to be dealing with, time in classes was fun, specially the last semester.
I got my notebook, (finally!) my fights for the family desktop are gone, now its time to get my own tv :D. although this purchase left us with some minor inconvenience, it was good to have people supporting me, going back and forth trying to solve this. but we have it now, and it was fun doing the shopping ;)
during this year I also lost my grandma, that was something really sad, sad in several different levels, was sad for the pure matter of loosing her, sad cause I wish I wouldnt have been so scared of her and had the guts to ask her some of her life stories, I bet it was an interesting life, sad cause I realize how lost my mom felt and still feels without her, and sad cause I wasnt feeling as sad as I guess I was supposed to feel. she was such a strong woman, dealing with 7 kids alone is no fun, it was serious work, thinking about it gives me strength when I feel I cant do it anymore with my own kid.
something really special about this year was, to witness how some aspects of our life keep changing till they develop into something bigger and better than you ever expected. had ups and downs regarding this matter along the year, had huge doubts and took decisions with the only hope they were the right thing to do. I had no idea what was coming! I remember this, and when I go back and read this, brings a huge smile to my face, this is so much better than what I daydreamed so long, thanks for everything!

Christmas 09

and its Christmas!

when we are lil kids, Christmas here pretty much goes the same way. wearing new clothes, going to grandma's house, play with fireworks, eat tamales, play with more fireworks, go back home, play with more fireworks.
as time went by, tradition in my house was pretty much that for a long long time, till my parents split, so tradition changed, we would go to my grandma's house, my siblings would stay there while I went with my dad to visit my aunt. then we would go back home to be at midnight all together.

this is the first Christmas without my grandma...and I feel totally lost.

I have no idea what we are supposed to do today, should we go to my mom's house, should she go to our house, should I go with my dad to visit my aunt, should I stay at home with her. it is so weird.

I can forecast a tough Christmas tonight, I can tell my mom will not be doing that good, but maybe she will be ok, you never know what's coming with her, that lady is so unpredictable.

overall its a good Christmas, at least, its the first year I dont have to force myself to think on all the good things Ive received this year, happiness its coming by itself, thanks to my family who once again have shown they are always there to support my son and me, to my friends, who make each day at work more bearable and fill me with laughs with all their silly things, to my son, who fills me with kisses and hugs everyday and make me realize how lucky I am to have him even though he gets me tired so damn fast, to my sweety, how has been with me for such a long time as my best friend, just for your mere existence I want to be the best version of me, and I do hope that 1% as you said really makes it up.

Merry Christmas to all, I love you with all my heart!.

love relationships, cientific facts

so there's this scientific proof that the basis of our reproduction is being driven by 3 aspects, which would be: lust, romantic attraction and attachment.
now lust is given basically by the sex hormones, like testosterone and estrogen that makes us want to have sex with one person, romantic attraction driven by the desire system and its fed by the dopamine and that makes us love a person and there's attachment that is given by some other hormones and another portion in the brain and that makes us want to have a long term bound with someone. all that for me it is so interesting, how the brain works on developing all those different emotions.

now, the down side of all that is...that all those systems are in different parts of the brain, so each of those functions, lust, romantic attraction and attachment do not work together, so people may want to have sex with one person, feel in love with some else but wanting to have a long relationship with a third one.

I just hope to take over all your brain so all those functions would be focus on me ;D

and I know I shouldnt

I know I shouldn't, but I cant help it. Im just so pissed off right now. Kid´s grandparents pass by to pick up my lil sis to go to some church-activities. the kid asked if he could go along, I said no, mainly cause its late (and cause I dont want him to period); so it annoys me they coming here but, guess I kinda handle it. what it really felt like a kick right in my stomach was to hear the kid´s father out there and not even bothering on talking to the kid, (nothing beyond saying hello).
I know that Im contradicting myself here, I do want that man away from my kid, but it really pisses me off the fact of him, caring and taking with him someone else´s kid instead of his own.
it worries me the image the kid must have about the person he should call "father", not really sure what a father is for him. but it really hurts me that his own father is such a jerk.
one thing I know for sure, he will regret it. He has no idea what he is missing. yes, my kid makes me feel I want to hang myself almost 90% of the time, but he is the most amazing thing ever, he is so funny, so cute, so sweet. looking those sweet cute lil eyes, the way he looks at me adn kisses me hundred times and says how much he loves me and how much he misses me, its something I wouldnt change for anything.
Im not gonna deny, I wish I would have waited, I wish I wouldnt have thought I was capable of being a good mother, I wish I wouldve choose the correct person, but ever since I have him, life is million times better, I have a reason to wake up every day, looking forward to come back home, to get those sweet hugs and all my sweet kisses, listening all his nonsense its the most perfect conversation ever.
this weekend we were laying in bed and he was right on top of me, and I said,
me: I still remember when I had you inside my belly...you were soooo small
kid: ouh yes I was small
me: yes, and look at you now, so big...
kid: yes I still remember being inside you, it was so fun, I had all my furniture, and my plants, and my toys...I had everything inside ur belly...

I couldnt stop laughing, my kid is just the best kid I could have....(at least during the day cause at night when he is kicking my back or hitting my face with his fist he doesnt look so cute)

ouh that mopho... he will regret it, I know that...

blast from the past....

I was going through my music files and found this song, I knew was kinda old, but when I found the video in you tube I was shock, 1988! dayum, I was...let me check...I was 6 years old! anyway, made me laughed, I remember my older cousin dressing like that and getting her hair with the high ony tail, although she would use it in a more Cyndi Lauper way



but then I found this other song...and that´s a real blast from the past...



I remember hearing that song in those radio programs they would air on sunday night..."una noche para dos...con Ozi Reyes... (I don even know if that´s how its spelled..) jaja, remember those people calling to send greetings to their lovely oso pooh from tigger...so lame, guess in the inside I was jealous and wishing for someone to call and dedicate a song to me...jajaja

but we can only hope...

no se realmente en que momento comenze, pero de un tiempo aca, tiendo mucho a detenerme, ver hacia atras; y a ver que hice bien, que hice mal, y como las situaciones desagradables que han sucedido en algun momento de mi vida me obligaron a tomar caminos que nunca hubiera tomado, pero que me han llevado a cosas mejores, cosas que nunca me habia imaginado.
usualmente al estar cerca el final del año, me doy cuenta la diferencia entre ese año y el año anterior, si lo he terminado mejor, peor, igual...y pienso en todo lo bueno que el siguiente me traera,.,
pero ahora, ahora no se que pensar. han sucedido tantas cosas, en años anteriores han sucedido cosas tan desagradables, pero tenia la certeza que con el tiempo todo estaria mejor, despues de todo por alli dicen, una vez se toca fondo el unico lugar al que se puede ir, es hacia arriba.. creo que no recuerdo nunca haber terminado un año como este, no tengo certeza de nada, no se como voy a terminar este año, y eso que apenas solo falta un mes.
quizas esa sea la diferencia este año, no saber lo que viene mañana...

...but we can only hope its gonna be something good.... -.-

T-I-R-E-D!

so, past few days have been mentally exhausting for me. been carrying an unbearable amount of frustration at my job, and as immature as I am, instead of working harder to change my actual state here, I started to give a damn about it, which after a few weeks lead to the inevitable, someone was gonna find out and was gonna report it to my boss,.,
so, got the warning from my boss, (till now I havent been told exactly what the disciplinary action would be), the kid starts his summer school today at the new school, (first time in his life going to school alone ), I have no damn money ( which apparently its a normal state for everybody here) and also going through some personal transition-renovating-renew kind of thing... now Im just T-I-R-E-D!
anyway, Im working hard right now to do what I have to at my job, that way I wont get my butt kicked out of here, I really need this damn job. (I wish I could have a job of my own, too bad I cant think on something )
cant wait for friday to come, Im just stressed and tired, there are only two instances where everything seems to dissapear and I can breath normally... those minutes before my baby falls asleep; looking at those beautiful eyes and how he says I love you mommy; or when Im with my handsome boyfriend just watching tv or a movie, those moments right there are my definition of happiness, I could stay there forever...