got a new note from school yesterday...so the kid wont have his toys today again.
so as it seems that my parenting skills suck, my dad is getting in charge from now on...I feel pretty much frustrated and dissapointed that I cant get my own kid to behave, feeling that Im loosing my authority [in case I ever had some], I agreed on letting him getting in charge cause definitely the situation cant keep going like this anymore.
this parenting thing is really complicated, its really hard to know, what the appropiate punishment should be, which words should be said, when, how...physical punishment....how much, how hard...how do you know its hard enough but not too much...
its not like Ive never grab a belt and given a taste of it, but everytime I feel like he deserves it..images of earlier years in my life come to my mind and I get scare...remembering my brother being punish in very unappropiate ways and me having to go there and try to get him safe...and to see him now...that definitely is not the best example of good behavior, makes me wonder all these...and freaks me out....
anyway....guess...we will figure it out sooner or later...hope its sooner than later....
and...things...the other things....there's no way that will be doing ok....we are still waiting for any answer....that really sucks cause no matter what....it will never be a good news, does not make any difference...if its a year, a month, a day....its in moments like this when you stop and realize what you've done, what you could've done...and it hurts, hurts bad...
moments like this I don’t like what I've become...and I wonder…is it worth saving me….
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