so..actually was only 40 mins...not a day...but saying my 40 mins with the shrink didnt sound nice to me,...+.+...whatever....so we went ...after my mom's 10 mins session on trying to park the car, we head to his office, we introduce ourselves and started the session, while I was waiting a huge dude got out of the office, but like huge...like Johnny boy huge...you could tell by the redness in his eyes he had cried..:s..so there I was, feeling so stress like if I was gonna go get a tooth took out without anestesia, anyway, we started my session, after the whole VA thing...what's your name...your phone number..your email address...he asked me...how can I help you?? I could felt my I-want-anestesia-please face to a what-the-fuck face, I didnt know what to say, so he started asking about my life, and the next 30 mins was like being with my mother on a sunday afternoon...or any other day with my mother...the dude got the what-the-fuck face when we got into my marriage-pregnancy chapter of my life, and then he started asking why I did this, why I did that...and in my mind the only thing I could think about..well..not the only thing actually lots of things were in my mind at that point...like...I could see my self taking 30$ out of my wallet..30$ I was planning to save for my laptop purchase in some random future in my life..and also I couldnt help on thinking...that's so my mom...asking why why WHY...at least she asks for free,.,and then I also thought...WHY is HE asking ME...isnt he the shrink...isnt HE supposed to tell me WHY Ive done so stupid decisions in my life...I mean, if I know the why then...I wouldnt be sitting there in the first place and well...THATS SUPPOSED TO BE HIS JOB DAMN IT!!
by the end of the session he asked me if I wanted to keep on going with the therapy or if it was just an diagnostic kind of thing, so I felt like if I was in those web sites where you can enter all your info and ask as many things as you want but you actually have to pay to get the answers you want in a later email, the only difference was that this one was not for free it cost me $30...actually at the end cost only $10 cause I was barking out loud about the $30 all the way back home that either my mom felt guilty about it or just got tired of hearing the same thing ,that she said, ok here, get 20 at least that would help...
so, even having that so clear image in my mind of me getting those $30 out of my wallet, when he asked about if I wanted to continue I just saw that image going on and on like...4 times a month...and I thought...ok..there goes the laptop saving plan ..FUCK!! but for some reason I said...yes :s
so after all the barking thing on the way home, I decided, ok Im not going back, mom please call him and tell him to forget it, and she said no way YOU call him, then my dad goes and ask how was it...and I started barking again about the $30 but this time in a lower vol cause it was not $30 was just 10..and then he goes and says...ok...Ill pay it..but give him a chance, at least a few sessions more, then you decide if you are throwing the money out or if its actually worth it, besides me thinking, ok this people seems to think I do actually need a shrink I thought...ok..if he is willing to pay 30 a week then ...instead we can use those 30 bucks to be added in my laptop saving plan and it would definitely be worth it, but I kept that for me...and he added it would work like catarsis...and then I thought..ok...what more catarsis than my blogs...I definitly rather my catarsis there...where I just vent either publicly or private, depends on the mood and then I just read it back and say...ouh fuck that girl is messed up she should do this and this and this and I therapy myself :P jajajajaja and doesnt cost $30 a week,.,.but I kept that for myself too cause...well..I dont want him reading my blog, not just yet...
and well...that was it...got home had dinner early and went straight to bed with the kid,.,who by the way is the one who started it all, I asked him what's going on at school and he said, his teacher is a bitch and the school sucks, well actually he didnt say that, he just said his teacher erases his work and he doesnt like school but I totally know that's what he meant, is my son damn it ! :P
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